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My husband and I have always wanted to live in North Carolina. We finally have the opportunity to go, but I'm fighting with my emotions. I don't like living in Missouri. Actually, I hate it here. My daughter recently got married and is a great place in her life. I know I will see her often, but this will be the first time I'll be that far away from her. We have another daughter and moving her away from this area would be a huge benefit for her. My oldest daughter knows that we would be in a better place if we move, but of course she will miss us. And she said she will visit as much as she can. I haven't even moved yet and I start to choke up when I think about it.
Join my club. My biggest hesitation in moving to another state is leaving my daughter and her husband. They both have great incomes and job situations. She and I have always been close, just like my Mom and I were. I enjoy her company more than any other friends and dread being in another state, even though we are in touch every day by email. Although I do not like AZ or the desert, and can think of a 100 reasons to leave, she is the biggest reason that I am still here.
What is the solution? I don't know. If you figure it out, please let me know.
We are in the same situation and will be moving from Maryland to North Carolina in four weeks. Ironically it's my DIL who I will miss the most. She has been incredible and includes us in her life. My sons are clueless as to family ties. My grandchildren are in middle and high school with their own lives - if they were younger the decision would have been harder.
It was a very tough decision to make but we're very happy with our choice. Our area has become too expensive and congested and we were both ready for a change. Within a week of signing the contract to build the new house my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer. His chances of remission with surgery are excellent but it also put things in perspective. We've lived our lives for children, grandchildren and elderly parents and it was time to do what was best for us.
My situation with my children is so different from many of yours. I very often envy mothers who have close relationships with their daughters.
Age old question..... what did you do right and what did I do wrong. Or is it just how life goes some times? I've never had a clear answer on that one.
My kids (2) are in early 50s. Daughter (oldest) lives near me, almost never saw her for 30+ years (her choice) but she remained very close to her father. Son is a couple years younger. He left home at 18 for the military. Many mistakes later he is in Oklahoma with third wife (drug addict).
It's hard to see your own kids go in these directions. But there are no guarantees in life.
My heart goes out to you Hughes9397 - I left my daughter/granddaughter 4 years ago - it has been difficult, but with visits from them and our visits to them and skyping and talking on phone it hasn't been as bad as when I left home at 19 - leaving my mom and sisters (joined USAF). Phone calls were too expensive, planes too - no skyping. Thankfully I can do all the above with my mother and sisters which helps.
I think the best answer to this conundrum might go something like this, (sappy as it sounds):
If you are a happy person, and enjoy people and life, you will flourish wherever you go.
Get involved in activities, make new friends, invite people over.
You're moving to the south!!
Do you have any idea how hospitable people are in North Carolina?!
Get ready for some very wonderful times ahead.
You will also be giving your son and daughter in law a great new place to visit,
and if it's wonderful, they might just want it too. Win-win.
Oh, and brush up on your "ya'll" said as easy as sweet tea. Get packing, and enjoy life!
My husband and I have always wanted to live in North Carolina. We finally have the opportunity to go, but I'm fighting with my emotions. I don't like living in Missouri. Actually, I hate it here. My daughter recently got married and is a great place in her life. I know I will see her often, but this will be the first time I'll be that far away from her. We have another daughter and moving her away from this area would be a huge benefit for her. My oldest daughter knows that we would be in a better place if we move, but of course she will miss us. And she said she will visit as much as she can. I haven't even moved yet and I start to choke up when I think about it.
You don't know whether you'd even like North Carolina. There's certainly no rush. Wait a year or two; see what you think then. Perhaps your daughter will wish to move with you either to North Carolina or someplace else.
I've always been grateful my parents never felt they had to stay somewhere they didn't want to be due to children or grandchildren and they always encouraged all of us, (6) to go and do what we needed to do wherever it was.
You just have to make the point of staying in touch.
The dilemma faced by the OP is an intensely personal one which only she can decide. There are two competing desires, and the OP and her husband will have to choose one. Doing nothing (staying where she is near the younger daughter) is actually a type of choice too.
My thoughts: First, Missouri to North Carolina is not really that far. It's about a two-day drive. Second, daughter and her husband (newly married) may end up moving away from Missouri anyway for job reasons. Third, what are the husband's desires? Is he torn too, or would either choice be O.K. with him, or is he strongly in favor of one option?
Personally I don't understand a parent and an adult child being joined at the hip to that extent, but my lack of understanding is irrelevant to the dilemma, and I do recognize what a difficult dilemma it is for the OP.
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