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Maybe that is why women back in the day decided to get out of the house.
I read an interesting article about high powered women that decided to be SAHMs and then regretted it.
You are assuming that those who avoided divorce and those who regret divorce due to the loss of financial security did not work or earn money. That is a big leap.
You are assuming that those who avoided divorce and those who regret divorce due to the loss of financial security did not work or earn money. That is a big leap.
No - but not enough to keep them happy maybe. But then I am pro divorce. Why stick around if you are not happy.
What is this working out business? Why fight for someone that does not want to be with you? The signals are all there.
No - but not enough to keep them happy maybe. But then I am pro divorce. Why stick around if you are not happy.
What is this working out business? Why fight for someone that does not want to be with you? The signals are all there.
what one earns is not the only factor for happiness. women, however much they are qualified, do not make the same amount of money in their lifetime - due to unequal pay, discrimination, time off for motherhood and child rearing, all of which hinder accumulation of wealth and career progress. children do benefit from one parent being home as full time caregiver and often it is the woman who does that be it her children or aging inlaws and parents. so let us not judge women by the money they make. what they contribute is priceless even if there is no compensation in dollars which is a useless way to measure.
pro- divorce? what an idea.
why stick around if your children drive you crazy? parents are a bore and get old and sick? bosses are demanding? college is hard? yes, it IS harder to stay and work on what is hard. the rewards are meaningful only to the person who does the hard work. it is not for anyone else to question or understand.
If one makes a mistake marrying and does not divorce quickly, this can happen.
Life gets complicated - mortgage, career churn, economic stress - maybe kids.
It's like one keeps digging the hole deeper.
Then, when the kids are independent and / or the mortgage paid / minimal, suddenly, one realizes that divorce may be doable. Not ideal, and elder years may be a lot more sparse. But would one want to keep living in a mistake until one dies?
Totally agree. I should have divorced a month or 2 after I married but didn't. I knew it was a mistake. Then 28 years later I was finally able to get out of the mess and become myself again. I believe that, for the most part, divorce is a freeing , life saving occurrence and very few regret doing it.
This is a sensitive subject, but some recent research suggests that some people
do harbor some regrets about their divorces. One national expert who counsels many
divorced individuals reports that ambivalent or mixed feelings about the divorce are
very common.130 In an important study that followed divorced couples over a long
period of time, researchers found evidence of feelings of regret. When they interviewed
individuals one year after the divorce they found that, in three out of four divorced
couples, at least one partner was having second thoughts about the decision to divorce.131
As we mentioned in Chapter 3, a handful of other surveys in various states have found
that perhaps half of individuals wished they and/or their ex-spouses had tried harder
to work through their differences.132 A statewide survey of Utahns on this question was
interesting. The Utah survey found that three in ten divorced men wished they had tried
harder to save their marriages, while just one in eight divorced women said that they
wished they had worked harder.133 Interestingly, however, when asked if they wished their
spouse had worked harder to save their marriage, three-quarters of divorced men and
two-thirds of divorced wives said that they wished that their spouse had worked harder to
save their marriage. It seems clear that most people wish their spouse had been willing to
work harder to save their marriage, but research suggests that some divorced individuals
also think that they should have worked harder.
I am in that age group now, and have been married since I was 31. I can't imagine getting divorced now or at any time in our past. Maybe because we were both out of school for a few years and had matured a bit, we were ready for marriage.
Yes, kids and finances cause stress and problems, but those will come and go with time and effort. You have to take a long view of things.
My wife does work outside the home, and pretty much always has so if something were to happen to me, she would be able to support herself ok.
The only thing that justifies divorce in my opinion is infidelity or physical abuse. Everything else can and should be worked out. Its not always easy loving someone, but that is what you agree to when you take the oath, for better or worse and in sickness and health.
what one earns is not the only factor for happiness. women, however much they are qualified, do not make the same amount of money in their lifetime - due to unequal pay, discrimination, time off for motherhood and child rearing, all of which hinder accumulation of wealth and career progress. children do benefit from one parent being home as full time caregiver and often it is the woman who does that be it her children or aging inlaws and parents. so let us not judge women by the money they make. what they contribute is priceless even if there is no compensation in dollars which is a useless way to measure.
pro- divorce? what an idea.
why stick around if your children drive you crazy? parents are a bore and get old and sick? bosses are demanding? college is hard? yes, it IS harder to stay and work on what is hard. the rewards are meaningful only to the person who does the hard work. it is not for anyone else to question or understand.
Of course you should do all that, if that is what you want to do. Now kids - I tell people that you (your) life is no longer yours when you have them, so take that on with that in mind.
I don't understand this thing about making work "meaningful". The primary "meaningful" part should be the paycheck at the end of the pay cycle.
The rest is gravy. If you get paid every two weeks, just see it as getting a "thank you" every two weeks. They like you enough to keep you around and pay you too! Isn't it great.
No truer words could be spoken!! I was suddenly widowed when I was age 44 and very thankful I had a good paying job that I could support myself on that also provided me health insurance and a pension.
I just had an incident at the grocery store that made me want to laugh.
Some lady behind me and her husband/partner or whatever had a little tiff.
He walked off and she said - "i told you I was going to give you 200 dollars"
She said he was mad because she was buying wrinkle prevention cream. All I could think was that train was long gone and 20 dollar wrinkle cream from a grocery store was not going to help.
BUT - if she had her own money and didn't have to depend on that clearly aggravated man, she wouldn't be yelling in the grocery store and she could get better stuff.
Ok - she did get mad at me because I told her to just drink more water and stay out of the sun. Mostly because it was also apparent that 20 bucks was a big deal to them.
The only thing that justifies divorce in my opinion is infidelity or physical abuse. Everything else can and should be worked out. Its not always easy loving someone, but that is what you agree to when you take the oath, for better or worse and in sickness and health.
My brother-in-law married his wife when he was 20 and she 19. Eight months later came baby # 1 and 2 years later came baby # 2. These two fought like cats & dogs, no physical abuse, no cheating, split up several times but got back together for "the sake of the kids" even though they pretty much detested each other. They finally called it quits 25 years later when both the kids were grown and on their own. My niece and nephew who are now in their 30s with spouses and children of their own wished their parents had split up years ago because living in that hostile environment was a nightmare for them. I think you should add emotional abuse of children to your list of justifications for divorce because some kids suffer more when parents stay together than they do when they part.
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