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Background:
Live in a single family home; great neighbors; new families moving in; development has 350 homes; about 6 sell per year. Friendly place; we are content with the home; built in 1980's (not by us) - we have lived there since 1994 - 2nd owner (children lived there until 2013). Still a room for the adult child who lives out of state (she decorated it and she wants it that way!)
2 adult children; independent; on their own; both own homes; not in relationships (one near us; one NYC/NJ). The one out of state visits approximately 4 times a year.
Grew up basically where we are now. Siblings and their adult children all close by. We have one parent left who is 93 - he is still in his single family home (refuses to move) but now has caregivers full time.
Total family members nearby - 20 to 25 (all friendly, we all get along)
Work Life: Both husband and wife self employed. No desire to leave Florida but would consider other parts of Florida at some point. We have had to work a lot of hours to make up for a disasterous event that changed our lives - it took away 8 years and close to $300K which we are trying to pay back. We are down to about $220K. We work about 90 hours a week and are very focused on our goals and trying to get back to where we were in 2007. We had dreams, had been conservative in spending/saving and for what?
Pets: We have three. Two shelties and our big guy who has destroyed drywall and window treatments (collie). They are all rescues - all get along really well but the collie came to us as a puppy and he is now 2. He has calmed down.
Housing/Future housing: About 3 years ago, our daughter decided that we were ready to move to a condo. No offense but I've done that and do not have pleasant memories (it was a typical old 1970's condo, catwalk type, laundry downstairs). I was early 20's, only thing I could buy and afford. My husband is not a fan. I guess if you lived near the ocean, 3 plus bedrooms, pets, etc. Not in our price range. We had these issues going on and were able to stop the discussion b/c of those unresolved items.
Those items now resolved - my personal goals for 2016 - get debt (certain portion - 60K) paid off, lose 40 pounds and be able to either get a renovation loan or pay as we go for needed work on our current home. We have not done anything in 8 years. The home looks it. It is embarrassing to say the least.
No one really comes to our house in the family b/c we are usually at the office and their homes are nicer, more updated, etc. Plus my sibs are super social people, tons of friends and it's hard to get them away from their groups/circles. We all get along really well and all criticism is well meaning. I understand that.
I asked my husband not to do this but he did this. He asked one of my sibs (she is a decorator) to get us some window treatments and she came over today. She was shocked at the condition of the home. I had no notice but for 10 minutes. She is now planning our next move (LOL) and thinks we should sell our current home as is (with minimal fix up) since prices are good again and then buy in her neighborhood which are attached townhomes. I like her neighborhood; she is like the "social director" and it's really a nice place but I'm not ready for this. Like I said, she is well meaning.
Then, I mentioned maybe we might consider another part of Florida after FIL passes on but that could be 7 years; could be 10; who knows? I mentioned The Villages; she was like "The Villages is great but why would YOU want The Villages? Etc - went on and on.
So, in closing, were you pressured by family to do something like move elsewhere and how did that turn out?
Also, I feel the perception of us is wrong - everyone thinks we just want to work all the time. One of my goals is to lessen the hours worked over time, cut the debt, lose the weight, renovate the current home and then work on a social life. But, am I too late? We are right around 60 but look younger.
Or, did any of you actually fix up your existing home and find it so peaceful? (PS - We do love our current home but it needs work - 100K).
Why don't you just tell them to stop making plans for you? You are adults; you can make your own plans. Make it clear that you want to make you own plans and will not tolerate being bulldozed. You don't owe them any kind of explanation. In fact, you should avoid trying to explain. Whatever you use as a reason will simply be turned back on you as another means to manipulate you. Simply state your desire to make your own plans and stop talking.
Just my thought--my house too needs so much work I can't afford to do it, but I downsized, culled, and cleaned all last summer when an engineer's report finally told me I didn't have enough money to fix the foundation.
Cleaning and reorganizing makes a big difference and costs only time, not money.
With all my heart, I urge you to try lesser measures before you try to share walls in FL. I never had a problem in NYC, where people know the score, but people in FL can be very clueless about their noise.
You have a plan, you are working hard to bring it about, and it's not for a window-treatment specialist to tell you how to live. Privacy is so precious. Don't give it up if you think that family obligations will keep you in your town for 7 years. Don't give it up at all if it's important to you to have your space.
You will feel better if you prune the excess belongings, donate excess items, and can get more organized.
I would let it all go in one ear and out the other. I would simply say: "thank you, we are happy as we are". And then I would change the topic abruptly.
Just my thought--my house too needs so much work I can't afford to do it, but I downsized, culled, and cleaned all last summer when an engineer's report finally told me I didn't have enough money to fix the foundation.
Cleaning and reorganizing makes a big difference and costs only time, not money.
With all my heart, I urge you to try lesser measures before you try to share walls in FL. I never had a problem in NYC, where people know the score, but people in FL can be very clueless about their noise.
You have a plan, you are working hard to bring it about, and it's not for a window-treatment specialist to tell you how to live. Privacy is so precious. Don't give it up if you think that family obligations will keep you in your town for 7 years. Don't give it up at all if it's important to you to have your space.
You will feel better if you prune the excess belongings, donate excess items, and can get more organized. !
Excellent advice!!!
It's amazing what a sense of satisfaction you can get from cleaning out and donating unused items. Once the "junk" is gone, you might even find you can take care of some of the smaller repair projects yourself. Again, giving a sense of accomplishment. Currently you seem to be working so very had to crawl out of a very deep financial hole which obviously will take a long time. Getting satisfaction from some of these smaller projects along the way might help you feel you are getting closer to your goal because at least SOME of the things that need doing ARE getting done.
My wife's daughter wanted us to buy a house in her neighborhood in Anchorage. I've lived in Anchorage and I hate Anchorage. Their neighborhood is townhomes built 32 years ago and they are falling apart and are in a part of town where the next ghetto will be. And they are hugely expensive. And they are all two story, which we want to avoid as we get older. We found a new construction single family ranch in a gated community out in Wasilla, where we lived before. For less than a run down 32 year old town house costs. And because we made our offer just as it was started, we were able to select whatever we wanted for flooring, siding, paint, cabinets, counters, etc. So far, the daughter has refused to visit because she hates where we live. It's like 42 miles, but it's too far. But, I'm the type of person who makes up his own mind. No one is going to get me to do something I don't want to. I'm much happier being out of the big city and if someone else doesn't like it, too bad.
You are young. Your personal goals sound reasonable. Do what suits you and your husband.
Its sounds like your husband would also like to "fix up" your home and was trying to help. May be you and he can sit down and make a more concrete plan together that doesn't include surprises
You can tell whoever asks that you're working on it. And then change the subject, like LookingatFL suggested.
There is no problem here because you already have a sensible plan which you are carrying out. As was previously suggested, in one ear and out the other. (Ask your husband to refrain from bringing in any more decorators!)
Did you read the thread about the grandparents taking their grandchildren on a cruise ? Go find it and read through it.
You really need to consider the responses there. Essentially, get all these people out of the decisions about your life. Your life, your money, your choices.
Stay put, move, pay down debt, redo the house, etc.- all on your time and all your choices whether you do some or all or none ( other than pay down debt )
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries- tell everyone else to leave you alone. Thank them for their consideration but strongly and firmly remind them that you will do as you please when you please. Then change the subject. Don't be a door mat .
I've just been sad today even thinking about the house. Leaving, that is.
But, I am the first one to say that my life needs to be better balanced. It's just b/c of the last 8 years and everyone has a story.
Before that, we had to help my parents financially and am paying off a condo they lived in. It's under my name but it came in handy when I had to pay their medical bills. Which, in a way, we're still paying off.
I'd love to say we have a lot of stuff but we do not. Very simple lifestyle but we live in a decent neighborhood. Living in a good neighborhood and the education for my kids came first plus my parents' needs, of course.
So, in the eyes of the rest of the family, even though we made it through the last 8 years, we are in a weakened position and an easy target - all well meaning. They just see us getting older, derailed fromm our initial goals and thinking they are "helping"
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May be you and he can sit down and make a more concrete plan together that doesn't include surprises 
Thanks for the responses
