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I can't see generalizations like this about any ''generation'' having any real merit.
That's him, not all ''Baby Boomers''.
Many of us ''old hippies'' were anti-materialistic And our ideal was to live simply off of the land.
Uh-huh.
That's your man and if you two are so far apart value and goal-wise, then maybe that's the real point here, not some pre-conceived notion of why he is like he is.
I doubt he'll change so work it out or move on! LOL
^^^ This. It's the individual not the generation. As boomers, my husband and I wanted to travel, live semi-rural, and have enough land to grow fruit & veg, and enough house for or art and music. One of our GenX sons is as materialistic as one can be, one is like us, and the 2 others in between.
What makes you think you're going to do better by renting? If you're talking about renting an apartment, it's an apples/oranges comparison. In my neighborhood there is a house similar to mine being rented for $200 more a month than I pay in PITA. And the renters will have to still pay for everthing except the blinds. There's a big difference between owning a house versus renting an apartment where you have much less living area and most likely no garage and no privacy. And then there are the intangibles. The girls across the street from me leave their bikes out overnight. Try that at an apartment complex. And even if you have assigned parking, you will come home one day and find someone in your spot. Not a problem at my house. And if something breaks, I'll take care of it, rather than waiting for someone to fix it on their schedule. I could go on, but there is absolutely nothing that appeals to me about apartment living, so I can understand someone else's reluctance to live in one.
Yes....and we've all heard about your wonderful income and having homes in two states, etc, etc. You and the OP are not living in the same financial universe. While renting is not necessarily the dream of most folks, it is the REALITY of many. Most renters don't have to pay for a new roof, or water heater, or to put in appliances, or spend every weekend mowing the lawn, raking the leaves, etc, or paying someone to do it. If you, as a homeowner, don't honestly think that homeownership is more expensive than renting...explain why so many lower income people still rent. You're being disingenuous.
Yes....and we've all heard about your wonderful income and having homes in two states, etc, etc. You and the OP are not living in the same financial universe. While renting is not necessarily the dream of most folks, it is the REALITY of many. Most renters don't have to pay for a new roof, or water heater, or to put in appliances, or spend every weekend mowing the lawn, raking the leaves, etc, or paying someone to do it. If you, as a homeowner, don't honestly think that homeownership is more expensive than renting...explain why so many lower income people still rent. You're being disingenuous.
On paper, they don't. In reality, it's often difficult to get a landlord to do anything at all, not even considering if it's done to the standards most homeowners would have done for their own homes.
The landlord is simply going to pass his costs on to the renters, especially in such a landlord friendly market like what we have now in most areas.
On paper, they don't. In reality, it's often difficult to get a landlord to do anything at all, not even considering if it's done to the standards most homeowners would have done for their own homes.
The landlord is simply going to pass his costs on to the renters, especially in such a landlord friendly market like what we have now in most areas.
True but then the cost is shared by all the tenants' rental increases which individually is still less expensive than one homeowner paying for it.
I've had great landlords and a few bad ones. The good thing about renting is I could walk away from the bad ones and find something better.
I am a Generation X in a relationship with a Baby Boomer and my idea of The American Dream is so radically different than his. I don't believe you need a boat/RV or even to live in a house to be happy. You like your job, are content with your trailer/condo/apartment, have enough money for bills and savings as well as a little entertainment on the side, and have a family who loves you...THAT is my idea of The American Dream. But that isn't enough for my significant other. He just cannot bring himself to count his blessings and be happy. He says it has nothing to do with me...it is just something he is upset with himself about, that he didn't achieve HIS idea of success. He is even convinced that if we do not live in a house (with a mortgage, not a rental house) by the time our son is in school that other kids will make fun of him.
I can't speak for others but my PERSONAL experience is the same as yours; except for that my spouse DOES blame me.
He's a Boomer & I'm a Gen-Xer. He keeps this constant mental "scorecard" going at all times. He's NEVER happy. Ever. He is jealous of everybody his age who has "more". He's smart, talented & in his line of work is an automatic "Your hired" based only on his name & reputation. He is physically dominant (6'4", 240lbs), healthy & has enjoyed 60 years now of white male privilige as a citizen of the USA. But he always feels sorry for himself.
Every payday he says the exact same thing: "We are screwed". His entire life seems to have been a case of "getting almost there" ... & then SOMETHING happens.
A car wreck. A knee injury. His dad. His brother. His sister. His ex-wife. The divorce. His employer ...x's EVERY employer he has ever had.
His sons. His mother who had Alzheimers. Then; ME. Current scapegoat, holding for 12 years now; is ME.
I don't even know what to say anymore. Everytime he says "I'm broke" I've just started answering "That's Hott!"
Dunno what else to do. Again; I'm not generalizing, just stating my own experience.
I can't speak for others but my PERSONAL experience is the same as yours; except for that my spouse DOES blame me.
He's a Boomer & I'm a Gen-Xer. He keeps this constant mental "scorecard" going at all times. He's NEVER happy. Ever. He is jealous of everybody his age who has "more". He's smart, talented & in his line of work is an automatic "Your hired" based only on his name & reputation. He is physically dominant (6'4", 240lbs), healthy & has enjoyed 60 years now of white male privilige as a citizen of the USA. But he always feels sorry for himself.
Every payday he says the exact same thing: "We are screwed". His entire life seems to have been a case of "getting almost there" ... & then SOMETHING happens.
A car wreck. A knee injury. His dad. His brother. His sister. His ex-wife. The divorce. His employer ...x's EVERY employer he has ever had.
His sons. His mother who had Alzheimers. Then; ME. Current scapegoat, holding for 12 years now; is ME.
I don't even know what to say anymore. Everytime he says "I'm broke" I've just started answering "That's Hott!"
Dunno what else to do. Again; I'm not generalizing, just stating my own experience.
Yikes! I think I would got out that situation ASAP
It sounds like your man is comparing himself to others, rather than being grateful for the things he has.
I think you hit the nail right on the head with that statement.
Also, I love apartment living...He abhors it. But we have no choice right now because the rent houses we can afford are in the crummy area of town. We cannot get a mortgage because his credit sucks and - although my credit is good - I have to build my work history back up (currently employed 22-30 hrs a week).
That's interesting. In many respects at 68 I'd love to go from a house to an apartment. In college in Boston we rented amazing apartments with huge rooms, high ceilings and bay windows—with rent paid for by low level hospital jobs. We could never afford those gentrified apartments today, but I sure liked it back then (until the American dream sank its claws in!). You become an outdoor city girl instead of cooped up in some suburban house.
I never have thought about the American Dream in regards to myself. I just wanted to have a life with a loving husband and to form a happy family. My kids are grown, and I am enjoying my grands. We saved money, and somehow got lucky, and we are happily retired after decades of scrimping and raising kids. I guess this is my version of the American Dream. But I want to emphasize that we were extremely lucky.
We have needed and used Social Security and Medicare. Others need other safety nets. It is hard to have a nice life in this present time without the security of safety nets. I think the American Dream as a term is more applicable to the feeling of independence and the ability to have choices in life. Without some safety nets in place, this illusion of independence and options is disappears.
63.
Paid for house (thanks to my inheritance-thanks Mom and Dad).
3 paid for cars.
Healthy retirement fund.
Had a boat - sold it.
Had a camper - sold it.
We have......a hot air balloon!! Paid for, too.
I also have rheumatoid arthritis, but also 3 grands.
Life is super, super good! And I am super, super grateful.
OP, that man will NEVER be happy. There's nothing you can do or not do to make him happy. Eve if he gets all he wants, he'll still be miserable...he won't be happy until he's miserable.
Leave while you have the chance and are young enough to start over.
Yikes! I think I would got out that situation ASAP
It IS exhausting! I chalk it up to maybe one of two things:
1. I am the polar opposite in that I tend to be somewhat of a "Pollyanna". I'm always thinking along the lines of "It's going to work out ... I have faith in you ...in me ...in people in general ...Lalala ..."
Or
2. Due to the 12 year age gap, maybe it's normal "Retirement is Looming" concerns. As in alot of people in their 40's (like me) have not really grasped the concept of how soon we may have to have our "Ducks in a Row" ...Not yet feeling those aches & pains, stiff knees & backs, etc ...
But I'm not convinced.
I think I am just making excuses for him.
He actually IS falling behind his peers now. It's time to stop letting "things" just happen ...It's time for some positive thinking & to draw on the fact that he has so many advantages vs disadvantages.
I'm already bracing myself for the Holidays because I already know I will again shoulder the responsibility for his undoing ...
I'm going to buy the younger kids, my parents & him Christmas presents (He has NEVER bought me a gift for birthday, Christmas, Valentine's, Mothers Day, etc ...because he's always broke. Except that he's not broke).
I am going to put up a tree, cook alot of food & fill my little house with about 4 generations of both my family & his (IF his sons will accept the invite. That does not happen frequently). I'm going to bounce babies on my knees & celebrate the ways in which I AM rich.
... And he's gonna hate it.
Last edited by coschristi; 11-07-2016 at 06:05 PM..
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