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I read a book once which talked about things one should do to be happy. It was written mostly for people who had some wealth (and white), both of which of course can make you happy by themselves, privilege and wealth.. But we also know money alone is not happiness, you can be wealthy and have a lot of unhappiness and regrets, and no love, although I have read somewhere love is not necessary for a happy life.
Several years ago I was laid off, I was worried abut my then teenaged son who I suspected was doing drugs or smoking pot, or worse selling the stuff. I felt very sad that I have failed him, and our marriage was stressful and miserable.
I decided what I needed was some beauty in my life. I decided to lay down a border of bricks around an island of trees and shrubs in our yard. I worked like mad every day, lugging bricks from Home depot, making a trench, laying the bricks end to end, maing them level. When I completed I had lost some weight, a bonus. A few years later I decided to work on a slope in the yard and dug and shoveled and scraped and got some shrubs and perennials in there. I don't remember if it made me happy but I was too exhausted to care.
My son graduate college, is in a career he enjoys, and is possibly getting married this year. We are retired. There is some money in the bank. The thing that makes me happy every single day is looking out of my porch every morning, my coffee and paper in hand, and seeing the blooming garden that I carved out of our yard in my days of misery.
I keep worry and unhappiness, even sadness, at bay when it gets too much that I cannot sleep, by isolating each thought and dropping it in an imaginary box, close the imaginary lids, and tape it. I tell myself I will open it tomorrow. I can then sleep. I wake up and half the things I worried about are no longer relevant. I work on the others.
I listen to books. Play words with friends, and World of Warcraft. I play golf. I work on the yard or the house or the rental property. I cook and clean. Who has time for happiness? LOL
I have more than one source of happiness, but one will suffice to tell about right now. I am happy if something I have done proves to be of value to someone else. I read aloud to fifth graders once a week for 30 minutes. It goes a little beyond just reading, as it includes explanations and answering questions and encouraging comments. At the end of each school year I distribute a questionnaire asking them to rate the books and stories which we have read together; they can also write comments.
A year ago a student wrote: "All year I looked forward to the day you came to read". Last week I got this one: "Every Wednesday I was excited to come to school because I couldn't wait to have you read to us". Another student wrote: "I liked this book so much (Where the Red Fern Grows) that I bought my own copy of it." These, and other similar comments, I consider to be real keepers. No amount of money could buy this deep gratification.
I really don't think one can "create" happiness. Trying to "be happy" is sure to fail. Most of us have had the experience of trying to re-create some day that went perfectly and left us glowing. We take the same day trip on the same route, go to the same restaurant, do all the same things. But it never works. The perfect day "just happened" for a host of intangible reasons unique to that day that can't be re-created.
In general, happiness is found in being content with what you have and being grateful for it - in my case, grateful to God. This starts with being grateful for my very existence, for the opportunity to live at all. For the love of my wife. For amazingly good health for 67 years. For my goofy pets that have taught me more than most people. For all the crazy curveballs that life throws at me, even the ones that seem like disasters at the time but in retrospect were wonderful learning experiences.
I have intentionally opted for a small-town, quiet, middle-class lifestyle because that, for me, promotes the greatest contentment. I have always opted for free time over greater career success or more income. Now that I am more or less retired, happiness is found in long walks, reading, staying fit, taking care of my yard, and all the other small pleasures of life.
I strongly believe that great wealth, fame and even beauty are huge - HUGE - impediments to happiness. They bring fears, temptations and other challenges that make true happiness (meaning contentment) almost impossible. We all think we would trade places in a heartbeat with some mega-celebrity, but I think after a year of it we'd see it had been a foolish trade.
I strongly believe that great wealth, fame and even beauty are huge - HUGE - impediments to happiness. They bring fears, temptations and other challenges that make true happiness (meaning contentment) almost impossible. We all think we would trade places in a heartbeat with some mega-celebrity, but I think after a year of it we'd see it had been a foolish trade.
I'd definitely take beauty and wealth! Fame, I do not need. I do not believe beauty and wealth are impediments to happiness!
I strongly believe that great wealth, fame and even beauty are huge - HUGE - impediments to happiness. They bring fears, temptations and other challenges that make true happiness (meaning contentment) almost impossible. We all think we would trade places in a heartbeat with some mega-celebrity, but I think after a year of it we'd see it had been a foolish trade.
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12
I'd definitely take beauty and wealth! Fame, I do not need. I do not believe beauty and wealth are impediments to happiness!
If I had fame and/or great wealth, I would always be wondering if people seeking to be my friend, or my wife, or complimenting me were doing so sincerely or because of the fame and/or wealth. As it is, I have no power over anybody and no fame or wealth, so any kind words which come my way I take as being sincere and without ulterior motive. I like it that way.
Notice that Troglodyte wrote "great" wealth. I am pleased to have the means to live comfortably if not lavishly and to have enough for some extras from time to time. I believe avoidance of poverty increases the chances of happiness but does not guarantee it.
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