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Should we buy our burial niches now? My dh is 64, I'm 63. We're not planning on using the niches anytime soon, but.....one never knows We've opted for cremation and have chosen the cemeterywe wish to be immured. Each niche cost $1600. They were $1500 just a year ago, and I can only assume the will just go up in price as time goes on. We do want to be interred side-by-side, and the spots are being sold rather quickly.
We have some extra cash from the recent sale of a home, and feel now is as good a time as any to make such a purchase. We do have life insurance, which would cover the cost of the spaces and then some, but I don't want to risk the prices going up and spaces not available.
Also, our kids are quite young, 20 & 21. They've never so much as been to a funeral, let alone arrange one. I would like to take the kids with me when I make the purchase, let them see the place, talk to the sales people, and in general get familiar with the situation. I remember when I buried my mother----I was already familiar with the procedure. My Grandfather purchased 6 burial plots, for all the family. Grandmother passed shortly afterwards, and everything was in place. Then, Mother buried Grandfather and my Father. When my mother died, it was my turn to step up to the plate, but no problem. I felt like an old hand. Mother never shielded me from the business end of life. I knew exactly how to proceed. It was fortunate that the funeral home knew the cemetery and did the paperwork to find the deeds to the plots, etc.
I don't want my children burdened with such arrangements. My goal is to pre-purchase the two niches and have the deeds in a "safe place" My family died in Michigan, and I'm not sure how they located their graves. I still have the deeds, but they didn't need them. Like I said, the funeral home and cemetery worked together and there was no problem located the graves. What I plan to do with my kids is take them for a walk through the cemetery, then go into the sales office and purchase the niches, and square away all appropriate paperwork.
I want to de-mystify the process as much as possible for my kids. Call a funeral home, have them pick up the body, take it for cremation, then deliver to cemetery, they will handle---for a price, of course---all that's involved. My daughter was wondering what they would do with my artificial joints, including both hips, both knees, both ankles, and rods in both arms. I asked both a doctor and a funeral home director, the said they just discard them as medical waste, unless the family specifically requests them.
I wish to purchase our niches soon, so there's no doubt as to where want to be buried, and no confusion for the kids.
So, most retirees, do you pre-plan your funerals, or plan at least part--such as the niche or grave spot. Or do you leave all decisions up to immediate family?
Long post, I didn't read all of it but my answer is yes, take care of all the preplanning you can, now.
If my kids were as young as yours, I wouldn't drag them along. I'd let them know the arrangements are made and where/how to find the documents, whom to contact when the time comes.
Long post, I didn't read all of it but my answer is yes, take care of all the preplanning you can, now.
If my kids were as young as yours, I wouldn't drag them along. I'd let them know the arrangements are made and where/how to find the documents, whom to contact when the time comes.
Well, I'm leaning towards taking the kids along for the purchase, so they are familiar with it. Its a nice, new, modern cemetery, nothing "spooky" I want them to know where its at and not be afraid of it.
Like I said, in my case, I had trotted along to 4 family funerals, so I had a pretty good idea what was expected. Consider it a "dry run" for them to go with me to purchase the niches.
Well, I'm leaning towards taking the kids along for the purchase, so they are familiar with it. Its a nice, new, modern cemetery, nothing "spooky" I want them to know where its at and not be afraid of it. good idea what was expected. Consider it a "dry run" for them to go with me to purchase the niches.
There's no right or wrong approach, for sure you know your children and what works best for them, it's good to be sensitive to their needs. Ours were older and would have been bored silly by the whole thing.
My mom planned it all out right down to the obituary,pallbearers, scriptures, music and even the motorcycle officer she wanted to lead the cars to the cemetery. We greatly appreciated it because none of that was our thing.
DH & I long ago paid for our cremations, which includes arrangements should we die out of town (we travel a lot, so that's a concern). Our ashes will be given/shipped to our sons in plain containers and it's up to them how/where/whether they want to dump or scatter them.
Most important to us was to have a conversation that laid out our wishes.
Any memorial service or wake is optional and entirely up to them since we believe those occasions are for the survivors. Our sons are creative and experienced at event planning so we don't want to step on their toes if they want to do something like host a wake at their favorite bar.
If we don't die together, DH & I decided that the surviving spouse will consider holding a wake at a local vineyard with an open bar and lots of food, then travel with our sons to our favorite spot in New Mexico to scatter the ashes. If the surviving spouse is not able to host or travel, then it's up to our sons to decide.
A favorite movie - can't remember the title offhand - featured grown siblings whose parents had instructed them to jointly agree upon a time/place to scatter their ashes. This forced the estranged siblings to come together and cooperate. That's not needed in our case but I loved the idea.
Since you're being cremated, do you really need to pay to house your ashes? Seems a waste of money. Why not instruct for your ashes to be given to your family for scattering somewhere.
Is your family really going to visit your ashes on a regular basis?
The private cemetery a couple hundred yards from my house is filling up pretty quickly. At the rate it's filling, it will be completely full in a decade. I bought a plot for my mother a year ago. The burial directive in my will says to cremate me, dump my ashes in the bay, and put a marker on my mother's grave site. My girlfriend just bought 3 grave sites there. One less thing to worry about.
I should probably pre-pay my mother's other cremation/burial expenses before she runs out of money. The cemetery gets about $500 to dig the little hole. I can get the local monument works guys to pour the concrete footer for her headstone.
We bought our burial crypt while in our 30's. We bought in the bottom row of the cheap seats, got pre-construction pricing and zero percent interest. Originally constructed as an outdoor mausoleum it has since been fully enclosed.
Yes, my wife and I are both crazy planners, leaving nothing to chance if we can help it.
One less thing for the survivor(s) to worry about.
In our case, my FIL had plots but in later years both he and my MIL decided to be cremated. She pre-deceased him and he kept her ashes in a pretty urn on the mantel. Before he died, he requested cremation and asked we blend their ashes and scatter over a body of water (he said whatever is convenient).
The children decided to split the ashes after they were blended and each took them to a different part of the world (inlaws were world travelers). We took our share to Puerto Rico where they had honeymooned in 1950 and scattered them over the beautiful waters.
As executor, my spouse sold the plots and split the proceeds among his siblings.
Never.
Scatter the ashes.
Save money.
Cemeteries are obsolete.
Agree, in many people world. People don't go to them like the greatest generation did. AS a baby boomer, spent evey Memorial day going from one to another, having a pcinic in a state park to bring some lightheartness to the day.
I was the only one of my friends that did this. So they loved to go with us.
Have a life celebration, in a restaurant. With snacks etc. Been to severl in the last 10 years. Funniest one was in a comedy club.
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We've opted for cremation and have chosen the cemeterywe wish to be immured. Each niche cost $1600. They were $1500 just a year ago, and I can only assume the will just go up in price as time goes on. We do want to be interred side-by-side, and the spots are being sold rather quickly. 
