"Alone, Alone, All All Alone" for the Holidays

[Travelassie]

Originally Posted by Giesela

I do the same. I set up a small fake tree and some decorations, lights and lights on the mantle with lots of ........?


And coming back and back to argue the semantics of alone vs. "alone" vs. lonliness when clearly this is not the thread for someone is...self centered? Pigheaded? And why not expect people on a public forum to behave politely? I certainly do expect people to do so travellassie, and when on a public forum that includes self-moderating. Having had no children I do not hang around in the parenting forum and post parenting tips in the parenting forum. And if I did you can bet they would ask why. Technially having been a child and having been parented by two parents through to adulthood I might have something relevant to say. I could post and post and argue that I have a right to be there. However it is not seen as such by the parents there and I accept that.

And of course the soul of courtesy and decorum on a PUBLIC forum is to demand that only posters who meet one's arbitrary "qualifications" need reply on a specific thread. As in "if you have, had or may have a significant other, have ever had children or have a living family member, get OFF my thread". It's even more genteel when you rant on and on about it, as though those posters have somehow invaded your psyche and living space, and were, at the least, "impolite" when they attempted to contribute to a topic universal to every living person. Self-centered? Look in the mirror.

Seems to me your stated issues on the topic go far beyond casual comments on a public forum, and if you wanted to share your ongoing musings on the topic only with others who share your current status, whatever it may be, a private blog or forum in which such individuals come to only with an invite from you might be more suitable.

I don't believe I ever stated that I don't expect courtesy from posters on any forum, however, I don't define courtesy based on who I decide should post on any given thread. It's based on the contents of their posts, not who they are, and IMO it's presumptuous and shortsighted to decide someone cannot positively contribute anything to the topic just because they don't meet your criteria as regards to their status or relationships in life. There is nothing preventing you, should you wish, to post on the parenting, automotive, or any other subforum, the fact that you choose not to is more of a matter of interest, (as is the reason I don't post in those subforums either), but there is nothing to say that you could not make a positive contribution there if you wanted.

That's all I have to say, and I responded here only because you specifically referred to me in your post, but I have no desire to further comment on what looks to me like your attempt to turn this thread into a personal forum for wallowing in pity for your "singleness" (or whatever the heck you want to call it). You'll be added to my ignore list lest I inadvertently offend you by something you project into a post I make. Also because I just don't care to read anything else you have to say.

[MyNameIsBellaMia]

And there it is: The Fora Flounce.

[Giesela]

Originally Posted by donsabi

After fifteen years of retirement I have met many people who are alone. Not just for the holidays but everyday of the year. Their children ignore them or give them low priority. Many have been bankrupted by medical costs even though they thought they retired with enough funds. Everyday is a day of decision to buy food or medicine. For many having a warm place to sleep is enough. They don't complain simply persevere.

I believe that if you have family, even if that is only one family member, or a pet, good food, and warm place to sleep you should be very grateful.
There are many who will be cold, hungry, and alone.

True and becoming more true all the time it seems. I am grateful but will strive to be more so. And its a good reminder that I have not given to a food bank this year. Need to get on that. Seems I found a few years ago that the local county food bank actually gets a good discount on food they buy so it was better to give cash than buy food. More conveniet too so a win win.

Originally Posted by greatblueheron

I am very worried too...let's make a pact... forget about HIM and enjoy the day.

I am in.


[/b]

Originally Posted by greatblueheron

Sorry, back to thread. My cats will be my only companions for Christmas...they are getting a new cat tree for their present so I'll put it up on Christmas morning.

DON'T FORGET all you loners, there is always someone on CD to converse with...

=NYgal1542;50348673]

Aww happy cats! I'll make sure to have some catnip, I mean catnog on hand Maybe I'll spring for some peanuts or suet to add to the sunflower seeds I give the birds everyday.

Good excuse as any for treats.

And yes, I'm sure I'll be on CD

[otterhere]

Originally Posted by Travelassie

And of course the soul of courtesy and decorum on a PUBLIC forum is to demand that only posters who meet one's arbitrary "qualifications" need reply on a specific thread. As in "if you have, had or may have a significant other, have ever had children or have a living family member, get OFF my thread". It's even more genteel when you rant on and on about it, as though those posters have somehow invaded your psyche and living space, and were, at the least, "impolite" when they attempted to contribute to a topic universal to every living person. Self-centered? Look in the mirror.

Seems to me your stated issues on the topic go far beyond casual comments on a public forum, and if you wanted to share your ongoing musings on the topic only with others who share your current status, whatever it may be, a private blog or forum in which such individuals come to only with an invite from you might be more suitable.

I don't believe I ever stated that I don't expect courtesy from posters on any forum, however, I don't define courtesy based on who I decide should post on any given thread. It's based on the contents of their posts, not who they are, and IMO it's presumptuous and shortsighted to decide someone cannot positively contribute anything to the topic just because they don't meet your criteria as regards to their status or relationships in life. There is nothing preventing you, should you wish, to post on the parenting, automotive, or any other subforum, the fact that you choose not to is more of a matter of interest, (as is the reason I don't post in those subforums either), but there is nothing to say that you could not make a positive contribution there if you wanted.

That's all I have to say, and I responded here only because you specifically referred to me in your post, but I have no desire to further comment on what looks to me like your attempt to turn this thread into a personal forum for wallowing in pity for your "singleness" (or whatever the heck you want to call it). You'll be added to my ignore list lest I inadvertently offend you by something you project into a post I make. Also because I just don't care to read anything else you have to say.

[nightbird47]

Originally Posted by Giesela

I do the same. I set up a small fake tree and some decorations, lights and lights on the mantle with lots of candles. This stays up till mid feb? Just to combat the long dark nights and cloudy days. I really crave sun. Brits call them fairy lights. They really do help bring a little cheer.

Yes, for some of us the being alone does not end. Whether by choice or whether it results in lonliness. Being on your own alone, brings a different set of issues, worries. I mean, if you went from feeling not lonely to lonely - no one would know or care.

I do not want to have ended up alone in life though it is true I am a quiet introvert. I do and would enjoy the break of a big dinner/party although social anxiety tends to be an issue I would still attend. Christmas is a big different than Thanksgiving though. It seems to be a much more family centric holiday. Even if invited to Christmas somewhere I wouldn't go if it were a more intimate family vs. a communal party. For example. One year (out of any number) my niece in law actually thought about me for a minute and said I would be welcome at her mothers, where her, my nephew and children would be spending Christmas. He is my only relative within miles and miles, 4 hours to be exact. I like her parents but it felt seriously like I would be out of place. I might consider Thanksgiving in that respect, but I haven't ever gotten an invite

I'm one of those people others 'worry' about since I may well not go anywhere for to what is long for others. I have a house which is mine, and my pets, and lots of things I enjoy to do. And the internet. When its cold and wet outside, I can order my groceries so I don't have to get a ride in the rain. And I can open many doors through my computer. That's what matters. It's not the distance or if you otherwise would join them for turkey (except I like the stuff with turkey, hate the meat). Its maintaining a connection as the world rolls on and changes.

This was a hard one. A month before, my sil died suddenly. We still don't know why. The family came out and took her son back with them, and he's doing great. Drugs may have been involved too. We have to wait about that. But while gradually she lost interest in us 'getting together', we still liked to do Black Friday. I felt very sad that weekend. Now I'm the only family left here, and its too early to plan on moving in with my son. But it feels different. I've been thinking a lot about when I go, what happens? If nobody was here to watch, there wouldn't be any 'stuff' left to worry about, I'm sure. And what of my pets? I'm almost glad that I slowly lost all of Mom and Dad's family keepsakes. Since Dad passed, I have lost contact with parents family.

I don't do holidays. It's too sad. Since Mom passed the night before, have ignored Thanksgiving. I don't worry about people. I do about my pets, but its a deeply emotional thing and mostly I hope they pass before me.

This thread has made me think that despite there not being much to deal with in terms of things, I should do some kind of directive. My sil died, and her druggie 'friends' had alread cleared the place of all value. They are selling for what they can get, but I'd borrow a drug sniffing job to check it out first. I don't what my house to go that way.

I've been giving it a lot of thought about getting closer to my son much sooner. He may end up moving before his 'plan', but I wonder when this place, feeling isolated now, will be good enough. The reality is, though, that the cost of living here is very very low and so is my check.

I think the reality is that I wouldn't matter so much what happens with the house when I pass if I had plans for my pets, and my computer with my writing got to a safe place. Atleast the files. The stuff will go to those who would use it. I've thought about the books and music going to a club I belong to in Los Angeles, since they would appreciate it. I've even had some thoughts about going back to socal so I could go back to them since when all the genetically connected family is gone, I need them.

And somewhere in me is this wish to send all the ties away, not toss them but something like with the books, and try to start a new now.

Sorry for the long reply, but this thread really has gotten me to begin thinking of what needs to be done, and how at some point, I have to find a way to take away fear so I can relax and just enjoy.


Somehow thinking about what comes after you go starts you thinking about how you ready yourself

[restlessyankee]

Home alone for the holidays with the dog and I like it that way. No family left, no kids, a few close friends in other states.

[otterhere]

Originally Posted by restlessyankee

Home alone for the holidays with the dog and I like it that way. No family left, no kids, a few close friends in other states.

I kinda like it, too - once I stop and consider the alternatives. It's easy to idealize them, especially as they've come to be today -- materialistic, commercial, and frenetic. We get to opt out.

[brightdoglover]

Don't care for Xmas, as it never meant anything to me (a few sad distant memories). I did feel pathetic at Thanksgiving. For me, the worrisome season is over and I will take advantage of the food that people bring to work. I'm working Xmas for someone who seems to have ever-growing numbers of grandchildren and who really wants it off (and her assignment is usually pretty quiet at Xmas). I love when patients say to me, "You must hate having to work the holiday," (sadly meaning, you must hate having to take care of me today) and I say cheerfully, "No, I asked to work. I'm not one for the holidays. And I think we should have lights and food all year long. What can I do for you?"

[otterhere]

Originally Posted by brightdoglover

Don't care for Xmas, as it never meant anything to me (a few sad distant memories). I did feel pathetic at Thanksgiving. For me, the worrisome season is over and I will take advantage of the food that people bring to work. I'm working Xmas for someone who seems to have ever-growing numbers of grandchildren and who really wants it off (and her assignment is usually pretty quiet at Xmas). I love when patients say to me, "You must hate having to work the holiday," (sadly meaning, you must hate having to take care of me today) and I say cheerfully, "No, I asked to work. I'm not one for the holidays. And I think we should have lights and food all year long. What can I do for you?"

Wonderful! That's the perfect "solution" to not celebrating the holidays traditionally. I've even thought that, if this is how it continues to be for me, I might go into something in the medical field on a part-time basis to supplement my pension, which would both provide relief for others and MAKE BANK on those holiday shifts.