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My wife's reaction to my retirement idea of us moving full-time to a warmer climate, was not well received. After long talks, I now realize that for 40 years I've been focused solely on work and family. My wife was focused on community, family and friends. I've since spent a great deal of time soul searching to find out, I was placing too much emphasis on some perfect retirement dream. Now that I'm on earth and not in a dream, I've compromised to stay in our community and leave for a couple of months in the winter to a warmer climate. We both can live with that and all is great.
That is fantastic, very fortunate you will be able to do that
He's obviously NOT "okay" if he keeps bringing it up.
Why do people keep trying to say "maybe this, or maybe that" when the OP obviously left out the entire HISTORY of this complaint of his?
I don't understand what history everyone seems to be looking for. What information is missing?
That in itself says it all. Four sentences is not enough for anyone to know what's going on.
I also notice you assumed HE'S the only one "ready to quit work in a few years". You assume she doesn't work?
She, by her choice, didn't work while our kids were here. She now works part time, three days a week.
And to ME, it sound's like HE'S the one with the fantasy.
Now I'm really curious. Why is the idea of retiring somewhere you would like to live a fantasy? What's so wrong with wanting to enjoy life after years of work?
She OBVIOUSLY must be intelligent enough to know there is no ocean in Colorado. So let's not call her stupid on top of not having the right to disagree with his fantasies that she's not interested in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hikernut
Yes, it's clear the OP would like to move. But back in post #52 he says this...
If staying put is the decision, then we can move forward with that as a decision and make positive upgrades here.
This is not where I would particularly want to retire. For many reasons. But if we come to that conclusion by discussion, looking at the pros and cons, and working together, then at least it's a team decision. But a decision made by fiat; by one person simply refusing to discuss the subject is not a family decision.
To me that indicates he is okay with staying put. How else can you possibly interpret that statement?
The point about the wife's employment/retirement status is a good one, and it would be useful for the OP to add a comment about this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjpike
My wife's reaction to my retirement idea of us moving full-time to a warmer climate, was not well received. After long talks, I now realize that for 40 years I've been focused solely on work and family. My wife was focused on community, family and friends. I've since spent a great deal of time soul searching to find out, I was placing too much emphasis on some perfect retirement dream. Now that I'm on earth and not in a dream, I've compromised to stay in our community and leave for a couple of months in the winter to a warmer climate. We both can live with that and all is great.
I noticed in your wording that you gave up your dream and that you compromised. Compromise takes two. Similarly as I asked above, why is a retirement where you can live the life you want a dream? Seems you spent your life providing for your family putting off your dream while your wife focused on living hers every day. Then when the time came, you had to give up your dream for hers. I've heard it said in a marriage you can tell which partner loves more by who gives in first. Your wife is very lucky.
I noticed in your wording that you gave up your dream and that you compromised. Compromise takes two. Similarly as I asked above, why is a retirement where you can live the life you want a dream? Seems you spent your life providing for your family putting off your dream while your wife focused on living hers every day. Then when the time came, you had to give up your dream for hers. I've heard it said in a marriage you can tell which partner loves more by who gives in first. Your wife is very lucky.
yeah, I'm beginning to see why your wife won't discuss this with you if this is your attitude. The person you quoted said they compromised, NOT that they gave up their dream. Each partner is giving something up, each partner is getting some - not all - of what they want.
It's sounding like you only want your own way, and who cares what your wife wants. I'm now thinking that "discussion" means you brow beating your wife into agreeing to go along with what you want, regardless of her desires. No wonder she gets angry that you keep bringing it up!
I noticed in your wording that you gave up your dream and that you compromised. Compromise takes two. Similarly as I asked above, why is a retirement where you can live the life you want a dream? Seems you spent your life providing for your family putting off your dream while your wife focused on living hers every day. Then when the time came, you had to give up your dream for hers. I've heard it said in a marriage you can tell which partner loves more by who gives in first. Your wife is very lucky.
"...focused on living hers every day." Did you really say that?
yeah, I'm beginning to see why your wife won't discuss this with you if this is your attitude. The person you quoted said they compromised, NOT that they gave up their dream. Each partner is giving something up, each partner is getting some - not all - of what they want.
It's sounding like you only want your own way, and who cares what your wife wants. I'm now thinking that "discussion" means you brow beating your wife into agreeing to go along with what you want, regardless of her desires. No wonder she gets angry that you keep bringing it up!
yes - that person did not give up on their dreams - they shared and made it work so both are happy.
yeah, I'm beginning to see why your wife won't discuss this with you if this is your attitude. The person you quoted said they compromised, NOT that they gave up their dream. Each partner is giving something up, each partner is getting some - not all - of what they want.
It's sounding like you only want your own way, and who cares what your wife wants. I'm now thinking that "discussion" means you brow beating your wife into agreeing to go along with what you want, regardless of her desires. No wonder she gets angry that you keep bringing it up!
They compromised? He gave up his dream. What did she compromise?
Compromise requires both to work together, not one gives up and the other wins.
We're about 3-4 years away from retirement (assuming the economy doesn't head south again) and so it's time to start thinking about where and how we want to live in retirement. I have a pretty good idea of where I'd like to be in terms of location, lifestyle, home, etc, though there's a lot of flexibility in each of those to get the compromise solution.
My wife however refuses to discuss it, getting angry every time I bring it up. She'll give really silly answers that are unrealistic (an ocean front home in the Colorado mountains for one) or just clam up and say nothing.
How does one get a reluctant spouse to discuss retirement?
You could try asking her what her preferences are. Maybe she wants to stay where she is.
They compromised? He gave up his dream. What did she compromise?
Compromise requires both to work together, not one gives up and the other wins.
I took it that he reassessed his priorities, and saw what his wife saw.
I could be totally off base, but that was my take away.
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They compromised? He gave up his dream. What did she compromise?
Compromise requires both to work together, not one gives up and the other wins.
He wanted to live in a warmer climate all year long and she did not.
They compromised by doing both. Splitting time in each location.
Instead of one person being miserable 100% of the time by being in the warmer climate all the time ( the wife), they split the misery and happiness.
In a perfect world, all couples would be in sync 100% of the time. When they aren't, divorce is always an option. Find someone else that wants what you want.
We're about 3-4 years away from retirement (assuming the economy doesn't head south again) and so it's time to start thinking about where and how we want to live in retirement. I have a pretty good idea of where I'd like to be in terms of location, lifestyle, home, etc, though there's a lot of flexibility in each of those to get the compromise solution.
My wife however refuses to discuss it, getting angry every time I bring it up. She'll give really silly answers that are unrealistic (an ocean front home in the Colorado mountains for one) or just clam up and say nothing.
How does one get a reluctant spouse to discuss retirement?
With that long of a time span just drop the subject for another year or two.
It doesn't take that long to plan what to do after retirement.
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