Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, that changes everything. You never mentioned the new car and the rest in your original post.
Yea I know Marino,
I have given money to one friend, and he is a brother to me, and I gave it gladly, with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. I had received an inheritance from my mother that I had no idea it was coming and it was $100,000.
My friend, who, for too long listened and listened and listened to two marriages to the same man forever.
I told him I was just paying him back for all the shrink talk I could have paid someone else LOL.
He was in a bad way medically. HIV positive and now diabetic and I sent him a check for $2500 because I told him....the last thing he needs now is to worry about where this next need is going to be paid for, with all the love in the world.
Never mentioned again and our relationship is stronger with every year (over 40).
Now, with my friend.....she needs to get a grip on a budget. My mother, every cent I got I paid back, retail. No deals. She had this little black book (no kidding about the color) where each week, at eighteen, to pay for her car that she sold to me had a debit and credit column. DANG I wish I had that little black book now!
What memories. I never ever thought to miss a payment. The car would be gone, my degree across the river would be gone since I could not get there, I would have no insurance (part of the deal), and my stuff would be in the basement (the locks would probably be changed too).
DANG she was tough.
So....my friend says I am her surrogate mother. Well, life just changed. We are going to talk about a BUDGET as in BUD...GET. Get it.
If she can't. Oh, well. Best gift a mother could give a daughter. Even one from the road.
I'm curious OP, if you took the money out of the equation, including the loan she has not asked you for, is this person someone you trust because she knows and appreciates what you want? Does she respect you? Has she ever been dishonest with you? Is she a conscientious person in her dealings with others? You may love/like this person for herself enough to ask them to do this great favor for you. There must be a reason.
Most people make some financial mistakes in their lifetime. I am NOT excusing hers; I agree she's handled her debt poorly, just mentioning that it happens. Hopefully we learn from them. She did tell you about it. I also know that what someone does with their own money is often quite different than what they would to with someone else's that was entrusted to them.
Does she understand what serving as executrix means? What her administrative/record-keeping obligations would be? How much time and attention it will take? Prepare your will and file it with the state. Be specific. Leave as few decisions up to your executrix as you can so they know exactly how accountable they'll need to be. Your will is more than money. It includes your final wishes....would she honor your requests? If she serves along with an estate attorney you select chances are your assets will go right where you want them to.
Just a bit of re-direct.
I served as executrix for my dad's estate. Yes, it took a lot of time and effort, but the clarity of the will made a big difference. Not that I would ever deliberately mismanage an estate, but there wasn't that much wiggle room in what I could do or not do.
First, never lend money that you expect to have repaid.
Second, as your executrix, is she also an heir? Does she stand to inherit at least that much money? Then, just give it to her now.
She is someone that has been a good friend to me. What I leave her is predicated on how long I live.
I if got hit by a bus tomorrow would give several persons a surprise and that is what Wills are for.
No I have no Heirs by desent and distribution. So if I live to 90... they may be dead before me. Even if they are younger. I will have nothing left since I will be crazier than I am now. That is scary.
I do not like to give to charitable orgs since IMHO since I have been on the inside of the distribution of those givings I prefer to give an air conditioner instead of 200 bucks to the general fund.
READ The Business of Giving couple of Jewish guys that do the MAJOR charitable parties. Priceless.
Give it to her now...Please read above.
I learned so much and I changed my giving quite differently. Still, with friends I have to be more like my mom
I was saved by my brother, who manages my investments, when a neighbor gave me a sad story about needing money. My heart is just way too big.
Anyway, her truck is newer than my car but she wasn't willing to sell it & there were other belongings she wasn't willing to sell. But she wanted to borrow money to pay off whatever it was she owed.
Thankfully it takes a week to transfer funds & before it was even started my brother asked me to really think it through.
I realized that if I owed money, the first thing I would do is sell my car & anything else I had, to pay the debt. I certainly wouldn't ask a neighbor to loan (give) me money!
I told her no & she never spoke to me again. She also didn't sell her truck.
A close friend of my who is 39 and will be the executrix of my Will has informed me that she owes $3000 to two medical collection agencies for her cancer diagnosis and subsequent loss of her fetus and reproductive parts 5 years ago.
I knew she had had the surgery and lost her baby however she did not tell me that she owed money for her cancer.
I insisted that she tell me what she owed.
You insisted? Why? How is this any of your business? And don't tell me that she may, at some point in the future, be the executrix of your estate. That doesn't give you any right whatsoever to pry into her finances at this point in time unless she has asked you for help (which doesn't appear to be the case).
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMKSarah
It did not take much for me to offer to lend her the money AFTER she does what I tell her to do to negotiate a better deal than the $3000. I would suspect that with interest, penalties, late pays she most likely owes about a $1000 on the total bill.
I told her I would, after she works to get the sum down I would front the money that she will pay off at $100 a month until the debt to me is paid. I may ask for collateral. And I will make a contract for said debt to me.
I realize that this could break our friendship if she does not pay me back...but I cannot stand collection agencies for their blood sucking ways. To me it is a matter of principle to assist this person to whom I care for a great deal to lift her out of debt bondage from no fault of her own having cancer.
Now, I have told her she has to do the work of writing the letters, contacting the right agencies, etc. to make the collection agencies know she is serious.
I know about this since I did collections and I know their tricks and what they will take in payment if you pay up front with cash. Bada Bing.
Do you think I am being stupid or do you think I am a great friend and mentor.
Offering to lend her money with strings attached, including asking for collateral as well as writing up a contract, does not in any way make you a "great friend and mentor." You're treating her as an impersonal bank would treat a customer. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's all well and good for you to lend money under these conditions, but don't go thinking that doing so makes you a "great friend." A great friend would either just lend her the $3k and say pay me back when you can, or simply give the money to her as a gift.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMKSarah
I would prefer not to lose the money, but in the great scheme of things I won't feel too much pain fronting the money. What would hurt most is losing her friendship because of trust being broken.
What trust? By your actions of wanting a contract, collateral, and a specified payment plan, you're already saying that you don't trust your friend to pay you back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMKSarah
What would you do?
If I had a good friend who had battled cancer and suffered a miscarriage and owed money to the medical providers as a result, I would either give her the $3k and say pay me back when you can; or if this was a lifelong BFF, I would simply gift her the money.
Wow. OP now I'm confused and I suspect you are too about what you want or expect from this "friend". You first described possibly trusting this person with a pretty serious responsibility. You don't ask just anyone to do this...we'd have to assume you respected her enough to even consider her. You didn't tell us much about her as a person, your relationship, and why you think so highly of her. As the thread went on, what you did add was all financial detail, dollars and cents, percentages, loan conditions, figures, etc. Then your descriptions turned more and more critical, including speculations about a questionable character despite knowing the tragic reasons behind her debts. If I was your friend I would be surprised and hurt by how you chose to describe me to strangers. If this is nothing more personal than a business transaction; a contract with prerequisites on top of qualifications, you need to clarify that in your mind and you also need to make that clear to her. If you expect more from her you need to decide what is most important to you...her respect, her dedication, her diligence, a sense of honoring your memory. Frankly, after reading how you felt about me I would decline to act on your behalf. Hire an attorney to settle your estate.
Last edited by Parnassia; 04-16-2018 at 10:10 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
