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You can't count on kids/grandkids staying put. Our kids grew up here in Pinellas county, but both migrated to the pacific northwest. We looked at going up there and found that what we could get for our Florida house would only buy a ditry chicken coop up there. We later learned that the weather there really sucks for 10 months of the year. Years later the grandkids are middle twentys adults and have settled in NY and NJ. They all like to come visit the old folks in Florida.
Thanks everyone for your comments . Everything you brought up is what I’ve been thinking as well . She told me she may or may not move, but I believe in part that it’s because they have 2 sets of grandparents here who babysit at the drop of a hat (that obviously includes us). Kids get sick, need to be picked up early, they need a vacation, they have it. It is for me a little heartbreaking that she can go days without responding to a call, but text me when/if they need us. Yet I adore my grandkids and find myself torn. If the right opportunity came up she wouldn’t hesitate to move (nor should she). I feel selfish on the on hand but on the other a little afraid to take such a step because sometimes the grass isn’t greener on the other side.
Well, if she depends on you for childcare, she may hesitate to move away. On the other hand, if you tell her you will move there too, she may decide to take that new job.
I was devastated when my kids moved over an hour away. Like others have been saying, live your life first. Uprooting myself would only tear me away from my life. Find something to fill the void. Take a class, visit old friends, volunteer in a children's hospital. I got a puppy and now the grandkids want to visit.... but I am busier than ever! And I smile more often.
I think you should move to where you are most comfortable, without regard to where you kids live. Your grandchildren are small now, but very soon they will be in school and involved in their own activities. Trying to follow your kids around as they move would be more for your sake as you get older than to stay close to the grands.
We followed our youngest to where we live now, but then he up and moved 4 hours away. That’s just the way it goes. Now we have a 3 month old granddaughter who we only see every other month or so and I wish we were closer, but there is no guarantee that he won’t move again sometime.
When my older grandchildren were small, we lived about 3 hours away, but we were able to go for their activities quite often.
I think you are very fortunate, but in this day and age it is not the reality for 90% of people. This is not 1950, when people had stable lives and good jobs in their home town. Local friends and community connections are the Family of the 21st century. And people know that!
So to the OP find your spot and grow roots!
Very true but it sounds like Op has options. I definitely left my home town (NYC) for college and for work but since I knew that I would be miserable far from my family, that was also a factor in my decision when it came time to look for my first real jobs. I have turned down jobs paying seven figures when I got out of college because they were in Texas and South Dakota. No way in hell. Now I am/was lucky that my major was in the STEM field so job opportunities are more prevelant nationwide and it was 30 years ago.
I'm just cautioning Op to be very truthful with herself, I know way too many people who did as everyone here advised about "live your own life" and realized that their life is very much entrenched with their grandkids. My girlfriend Sheryl sees her grandkids every day, again when they moved down to Florida, they were back within a year because both her and her husband were miserable and no imo seeing family once every 2 years on holiday is not the same.
Also we have studies that say seniors do not make new friends and connections as easily as when we did in the 20's, 30's.
there can also be compromises. My family is mainly in NYC, I'm in Philly. 2 1/2 hours tops away. when I retire (yippee 17 months) I'll have better flexibility. We're mainly spread along the east coast, lol literally. Like I said the one cousin who moved for a job to Arizona is almost suicidal with loneliness.
So I guess my advice to Op is don't discount family attachment. I find all the advice from folks who say, move far away and do your own thing, usually don't have that attachment. don't dismiss it.
"Local friends and community connections are the Family of the 21st century"
I couldn't disagree more. The only family is family. The entire idea of family disappears when every relationship, however casual, is viewed as family. Family is permanent, friends and community connections (while important) are NOT family and are easily and frequently exchanged for other transient relationships, or just ended through various kinds of attrition. If you have a few close friends who are with you through your whole life, that's the nearest thing to family that you will ever get. Friendly acquaintances in the community move on and are forgotten in a world where few things last. Unless superficial and temporary relationships are all that a person wants, there is no substitute for family.
My advice would be to stay as close to your grandchildren as you can, particularly in these formative years that will set the tone for their entire lives and for their future relationship with you. Even if they drift away for a while, you will have made a firm foundation that can't be eroded. Keep the lines of communication always open, even if they don't respond for a while. They'll be back. If you give up some of the time you could have with them, it can't be relived at some later date - it's gone. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't spent so much time with my grandparents as a child and young person. I wouldn't exchange that for anything, and their love for me and devotion to me has carried me through hard times in this life in a way that nothing else could have.
If you're afraid of making the wrong choice, is there a possibility of renting near to your grandchildren while you wait to see how things develop? It sounds as though they are deeply important to you, and that you really don't want to make a life for yourself as if they didn't exist or didn't matter, as many seem to suggest. I don't think, from the tone of your post, that local friends or some kind of community would make up to you for the loss of closeness to the ones you love. And no, Skype and occasional summer visits are NOT the same, and I speak from experience.
It amazes me that some feel they have to chase their kids around so they stay relevant to their grandchildren. What happens when it gets harder for you to travel or you just don’t want to drive that drive? They can’t come and visit you? Moving is a large undertaking and not every retired person wants to do it.
I moved from Texas to Colorado when we retired. That put me near young grandkids. Husband became ill; grandkids grew to middleschool age; we moved to a different city in Texas. Now have grandkids (pre school age) with in five miles. I will have both over for breakfast this Saturday. In between visits (about 3 times a month) I volunteer for historical events, do birding, have lunch with senior ladies, go to the gym, attend church, etc. This local son/wife will not be moving. I expect my senior connections will become more important to me as my grandkids become older. I have grandchildren from age 21 to age 2 1/2. You cannot hang your (social) hat on your kids or grandkids. My sisters/brothers/cousins are now too old to visit or travel. My interaction with my community (especially since I have become a widow) is what makes my life go round. You cannot plan for every event in life: You must adapt and be flexible to what is offered.
We would never chase our grown kids, nor expect them to do that. It was advice I got decades ago and never forgot. They have their own lives and core families. Our identity as a couple is not tied up in our children. We adore them and love seeing them, but they are now adults.
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