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At this point in time (I never count on anything happening until it happens) I’ll be all done with the workaday life on December 31 of this year - although I’ll be “vacationing out” well in advance of that. To me, one of the benefits of retirement will be to be able to choose what I want to do when I want to do it. Not when I can take some vacation time to do it.
That was the plan, anyway, when my wife was still alive. We were both of the same age, and were planning to both retire together, so we’d be able to have a life together like that. Time passes, and my fortune has me in a relationship with someone who will still have some years left before she retires. As my own retirement approaches I’m left looking at what I said above and thinking “I guess I won’t be able to do that after all”. Our decisions will continue to be tied to her work life. I felt like I was just about free when a rubber band snapped me back into “you’re not free yet” land. First world problem, I know. But for those who’ve had the hopes for that same feeling of ‘being out from under’ come to fruition, I think you might get where I’m coming from. I’m quite lucky having met this kind woman, so I don’t intend for that to change. Sure I can still do things on my own, but it’s not in my plan to make my S.O. feel like she’s being abandoned. Life has a funny way of doing things, I guess. But life is what you make of it. I’ll consider myself fortunate to make some happiness out of ours.
Just making an observation. Not looking for any advice, really. Maybe wondering whether other unequal retirement couples (one retired, one not) have considered this anything to be concerned with.
PAhippo, I hope not. But we’ll work things like this together.
Without meaning to sound morbid, if the age difference is significant enough, it's likely that one day (hopefully in the far off future) you'll also precede her in your final retirement from this world. You won't be able to wait for her to catch up then, and you shouldn't now. Take your retirement. You've put in the time and you've earned it. Your S.O. will understand and will want this for you too.
Figure out now what you will do with your time. Maybe get a part time job or volunteer work for part of your day. If you like your current job maybe continue working. Can it become part time? You do have a problem.
Just making an observation. Not looking for any advice, really. Maybe wondering whether other unequal retirement couples (one retired, one not) have considered this anything to be concerned with.
PAhippo, I hope not. But we’ll work things like this together.
I agree with whomever said to take your retirement now. But, yeah, there CAN be problems. Not there WILL BE problems. I've known this guy from my children -- for decades -- through three wives. LOL This last one -- she is much younger, and they've been married over 30 years now.
He retired. She couldn't (and she didn't really want to). But even though she loved her job, she was not always pleased that he wasn't working. A bit of jealousy along the way. LOL Every evening she made him a list of chores to do the following day. And HE HAD TO DO THEM. He basically became the FT housekeeper. :-) He was not at all happy with that for too long -- you can imagine -- and at one point, things became so contentious that divorce was considered. But they're still together. She's still working. He's not doing quite so many chores every day. And yet the contention is still there.
Without meaning to sound morbid, if the age difference is significant enough, it's likely that one day (hopefully in the far off future) you'll also precede her in your final retirement from this world. You won't be able to wait for her to catch up then, and you shouldn't now. Take your retirement. You've put in the time and you've earned it. Your S.O. will understand and will want this for you too.
That’s quite likely, as I have a couple of health factors that statistically should assure this, and she is prepared for this likelihood (although as I said, you can never count on what you think is going to happen ).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66
I agree with whomever said to take your retirement now. But, yeah, there CAN be problems. Not there WILL BE problems. I've known this guy from my children -- for decades -- through three wives. LOL This last one -- she is much younger, and they've been married over 30 years now.
He retired. She couldn't (and she didn't really want to). But even though she loved her job, she was not always pleased that he wasn't working. A bit of jealousy along the way. LOL Every evening she made him a list of chores to do the following day. And HE HAD TO DO THEM. He basically became the FT housekeeper. :-) He was not at all happy with that for too long -- you can imagine -- and at one point, things became so contentious that divorce was considered. But they're still together. She's still working. He's not doing quite so many chores every day. And yet the contention is still there.
Thanks Fran. A cautionary reality that can happen. When my wife passed I became the breadwinner and homemaker, so I can handle my share of home care. My SO is a good partner. She insists on helping me care for my own home (we aren’t in “our” home just yet ) even when I remind her she has her own home to care for! Which I help her with when we’re there. I think / hope we’ll be okay.
I have a similar problem. Not only is my wife six years younger than me, we still support her mom, in Brazil, financially.
I’d love nothing more than to close camp and move to the next location but, she worked so hard to get where she is that moving is not possible. She recognizes that summers will be tough on me. I assured her that it’s on me to entertain myself, not her. I’ll fill my mornings with outside activities, the gym, etc.
We’ll figure when the move happens. In many ways, the COVID virus may be a godsend. Her employer was not big about people working from home but, the virus made them re-think that. Maybe in a year or so, she can convince them to allow her to work from our new state.
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) even when I remind her she has her own home to care for! Which I help her with when we’re there. 
I think / hope we’ll be okay. 
