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I am a fairly active 75 year old and belong to several outdoor-oriented activity groups. I also belong to several more sedentary groups such as a book club, knitting circle, lunch group, etc. As is common in this age group, we are all developing health concerns of various degrees of severity.
I find that, unlike my "outdoor" groups, the members of the other groups are strongly focused on their health problems. Due to the sedentary nature of these "indoor" groups, the health problems tend to be more severe and much conversation is devoted to their various physical complaints.
Needless to say, I much more enjoy the company of the "active senior" group and do not care to listen to more than minimal talk along the lines of surgery descriptions, medications, physical complaints, and "ain't it awful" in general.
On one hand, I feel that I should support the less active groups as I realize that due to their various health problems, the groups provide needed social outlets and I feel that I should do my part to encourage their socialization. These groups are small in membership---I guess due to the non-complainers dropping out. These women are acquaintances, not friends that I see outside of the group setting, but I've been involved with them for a number of years. I feel guilty not wanting to be involved anymore, but I have a very busy life and there is not time for everything.
I am curious to know what others do when they find themselves still in an active phase of their lives and being drawn more to those who are similar in their activity level. Do you feel guilty leaving behind long time acquaintances?
Now one might say "how are you going to feel when you are the one who is down and out physically?" As I tend to be introverted and need a lot of alone time, I have many solitary interests that I can pursue as I age and I would expect that these activities would expand to fill my time when I am no longer able to keep up with my outdoor stuff.
I notice that too, the active group may have health issues but they don’t mention it often. The non active group has more health issues and I’ve heard about it. .I'm now limiting to just 2 hours of non active group, I can’t spend 3 hours of doing nothing. It’s unhealthy.
If these are acquaintances and not friends, I'd not feel guilty.
Most people do not stay in clubs for years on end.
Your time may come to where you may live a sedentary lifestyle
thus more interested in discussing your health problems or listening to others discuss theirs
It is/was kind of you to volunteer to be around them for so long
I am a fairly active 75 year old and belong to several outdoor-oriented activity groups. I also belong to several more sedentary groups such as a book club, knitting circle, lunch group, etc. As is common in this age group, we are all developing health concerns of various degrees of severity.
I find that, unlike my "outdoor" groups, the members of the other groups are strongly focused on their health problems. Due to the sedentary nature of these "indoor" groups, the health problems tend to be more severe and much conversation is devoted to their various physical complaints.
Needless to say, I much more enjoy the company of the "active senior" group and do not care to listen to more than minimal talk along the lines of surgery descriptions, medications, physical complaints, and "ain't it awful" in general.
On one hand, I feel that I should support the less active groups as I realize that due to their various health problems, the groups provide needed social outlets and I feel that I should do my part to encourage their socialization. These groups are small in membership---I guess due to the non-complainers dropping out. These women are acquaintances, not friends that I see outside of the group setting, but I've been involved with them for a number of years. I feel guilty not wanting to be involved anymore, but I have a very busy life and there is not time for everything.
I am curious to know what others do when they find themselves still in an active phase of their lives and being drawn more to those who are similar in their activity level. Do you feel guilty leaving behind long time acquaintances?
Now one might say "how are you going to feel when you are the one who is down and out physically?" As I tend to be introverted and need a lot of alone time, I have many solitary interests that I can pursue as I age and I would expect that these activities would expand to fill my time when I am no longer able to keep up with my outdoor stuff.
How do you know people in the group you are observing are not the same as you? Introverts or maybe not but those who like their alone time but also enjoy spending a little time with others in similar situations.
You are under no obligation to mix with people with whom you have no common interest. Why do you believe they need you? If they’re happy in their similarities to one another let them be. You sound kind of judgy to me.
Everybody's lives change, circumstances and interests change, and acquaintances come and go. You're under no obligation to continue with the "sedentary groups". I imagine if you're doing outdoor things, there's not time for people to discuss their health problems, but chatting while knitting is a different situation. I know people our age discuss health problems a lot, but it's certainly helpful to talk to folks who've gone through the same medical issues. Congrats on being active and healthy! I'm sure the "complainers" will survive without you.
[quote=Avalon08;55128059] I imagine if you're doing outdoor things, there's not time for people to discuss their health problems, but chatting while knitting is a different situation. /quote]
My thoughts too. Book clubs, knitting groups, etc. are there for "the talking." People join those groups so they can connect with others and they want to sit and talk. Those types of activities lend themselves exactly to that. Naturally, superficial stuff is going to come up (oh my knee hurts, and stuff like that).
When you're involved in an active group such as hiking, cycling, etc. you join to do physical things with others so you don't have to hike or bike alone. Not much time for talking as you are concentrating on the physical activity.
I wish there was a happy medium between the active groups and the sedentary groups.
I find I'm getting stronger from doing all this yard work -- landscapers here want $500/month! -- but I still have a bum knee that limits the duration of activity. So the active group people would be frustrated with me if I attempted that. OTOH, I log almost 10,000 steps a day.
You don't have to completely abandon your groups, just spend less time doing activities with them.
Maybe do the knitting circle once a month instead of every week. Tell the lunch group you have another activity at that time, but tell them you want to stay connected and ask if they might be interested in doing something else, such as seeing a play or something like that. Or, maybe invite them over to your house for a little get together.
I'm in a similar boat right now. Now that I'm done with cancer treatments, I'm trying to get back in shape and don't have the time for things such as my scrabble group. I still play from time to time, but I told them I needed to do the new activity for health reasons; they understood.
The same goes for city-data, by the way. When I was sick, I was posting here for hours at a time. Now I'm cutting back quite a bit because I need to spend more time at the gym. I might start popping in just every once in awhile to say hello. I'm sure you guys will understand. (And I'm glad I got a chance to explain, in case anyone starts wondering whatever happened to me, LOL.)
I wish there was a happy medium between the active groups and the sedentary groups.
I find I'm getting stronger from doing all this yard work -- landscapers here want $500/month! -- but I still have a bum knee that limits the duration of activity. So the active group people would be frustrated with me if I attempted that. OTOH, I log almost 10,000 steps a day.
Tai chi looks like it might be an option, though.
I've herd good things about tai chi, hope it works out for you. If you're in an HOA with a gym or otherwise have access to a stationary bike, that also might be something you could enjoy. Or maybe swimming. Chair yoga is another possibility.
Last edited by Piney Creek; 05-08-2019 at 09:05 AM..
None of my groups talk about their health problems. I’m in charitable groups, and art groups. I keep contact with far flung friends and family through Face Book. I may speak to friends and family, one on one, about my or their health concerns, but not in “group discussions”. I guess I don’t belong to any sedentary groups. If a friend or family member is going through a health scare, it is normal to discuss it and give support. I would not belong to a group that I didn’t enjoy ostensibly to support someone else. Life is too short for that.
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