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If there's a big age difference, say 10 years or more, between spouses is it more or less an issue in retirement than during the working years? Do you know of any couples dealing with age gap issues in retirement that weren't there when they were both younger? What are the issues?
How about whether to retire, that is, one spouse wants to/can retire and the other still has 10 or more years to go?
Most of the reading I've done on this issue is related to finances. I'm thinking in terms of issues other than financial when I ask.
I guy I used to work with had this issue. What they did is he worked 5-7 years longer. Then they sold their house & either bought or rented a small condo for their work base and got their retirement house. This worked ok for them because the work & retirement places were within 1.5 hours. They then lived in the ret. House on weekends & thecondo weekdays. Then he retired but came back as a contractor 3 days a week. He spent 5 days inret house & she 5 days in the condo for about 3 years. I retired before this arrangement stopped but the plan was to live fulltime in the ret house once she retired. I assume they might have had some issues with selling the condo if they had bought it.
All the large age difference couples I know have the oler one working longer but once in a while you see one retire while the other continues working. The happiness of the pair seems to be directly porportional to the willingness of the (usually male) retired mate to do the housework.
My wife and I are only 1 year apart, so it isn't an issue for us.
When working, I knew three ladies who were working in my organization, but had retired husbands who were at least 10 years older than they were. None of them resented their retired husbands, though they still were employed. In two of the cases, the retired husband assumed much of the "house husband" work that we sometimes hear about today. In the third case, they significantly changed lifestyles when he retired, moving from the suburbs to the downtown area. In that case, she would often meet him for lunch during the day, and they changed their entire lives into a more "fun" process (eating out, shows, attending festivals etc).
None seemed to have any resentment that I could detect. All three seemed to be happy they still had their husbands around. One common element that I can think about in all three cases though, none had been married to their husband before their mid-30's (one a first marriage, the two others a second marriage following a divorce), so when they got together he was already getting closer to retirement.
I don't know if this provides any insights, but that is what I observed.
My wife and I are two years apart in age. I'm older but she retired six years before I did, primarily due to health issues. I retired almost a year ago and so far, so good. It was never an issue and I still retired two years before I originally planned to. Being close in age is nice in that she'll also start drawing Social Security this year. We were 48 and 50, respectively, when we married.
It really depends. My wife is five years younger and started working at job she retired from about five years after i did. I retired like almost ten years before her. It worked out well because during her last ten years she wanted to keep working and I was able to take some of the home problem off her hand. She said it was her easiest ten years because of that. She is how retired. There are real advanatges to one being retired as scheduling is much easier than when both are working.
My husband is 6 plus years older than me...When he first retired we did a lot of traveling and felt "free." Later on we started and ran several businesses...Our age difference didn't seem like a huge factor until he started drawing Soc. Sec. and faced going on Medicare...Then we ran into problems because I wasn't old enough to go on Medicare myself...My husband has a government pension and government insurance for both of us...He decided to just go on Medicare Part A and hold on to his regular insurance so I would still be covered....I'll be 62 at the end of the year. Guess we'll look at Medicare Part A and B and supplemental insurance when I reach the "magic age."
I never thought being 8 years older than my wife was or would be a problem....but it is...once I retired. I was in a high stress business, we were pardners in the business. She assumed my duties ( scalled down a lot), and now resents the fact that I am retired. I resent the fact I no longer have " control".
Ajusting to retirement has been hard for me, much harder than I thought it would be. What ever you say, money has a lot to do with it all. I thought retirement would leave me with time to get done all the things I wanted to do...not so, as the income is no longer there to be creative.... I would start a new business, but, at 69 ,feel I have worked long enough, 40 years fighting all the problem a small business brings. She say, " I will work untill I am in the grave", you are retired. Yes I am, and I don't like it. Had to cash in all my toys, hobbies, and activities to build a retirement home, which I work on everyday, but, have to slow down and wait for funds to come in ( from her), to go foward. Its been very stressful. I DO feel traped in a lifestyle I do not like, yet, I must keep going, its frustrating.
I have two friends, both retired, both with younger wives, i.e. 15-18 years younger than they are.
Problems:
#1 because of the large age differential, in order to provide a pension should the spouse die, his pension is reduced by almost one-half.
#2 He has plenty of time on his hands and isn't interested in doing projects on the house. He also had some serious heart surgery last year. She insisted they sell their townhouse and buy an older home, which needs quite a bit of work.
#3 He tries to do the housework but no matter how hard he tries, she comes home and "has to do it over." He gave up trying to please her and doesn't do anything, which annoys the hell out of her.
#4 He wants to move to another state, she refuses to give up her job that she has invested years in.
#5 He wants to buy and RV and travel; her vacation time is limited.
#6 He is in bed by 9:00 PM and she is out visiting her friends or doing pilates or yoga.
#7 They have one kid in high school and another in college.
I could go on, but you get the picture.
Eliwood, that sounds like personal incompatibility made worse by the retirement. Did they have issues before then?
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