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This seemed like the perfect forum for me to write this up in. I grew up in a rural town called LaGrange, in Georgia. It has about 30,000 people and is very old fashioned and traditional in a lot of ways. Some backstory: I am 23, a college graduate with a year of graduate school under my belt, and currently live in Atlanta working as a software engineer.
Ever since I can remember, I was different from the rest of the people I grew up with. I tended to read a lot, to enjoy spending a lot of time on the computer and playing video games, going to science fiction conventions, things like that. Not usually things that would be associated with rural living. I grew up on a farm, and learned how to take care of horses and other animals, and how to do things like build fences, bush hog fields, fix roofs, you know..the kind of things you'd expect to learn growing up on a farm in the woods in the South.
Like I said, I was never really like the rest of the people I was around. My best friend growing up lived down the road from me, and we worked together a lot during the summers. He was never interested in education, and dropped out of high school and (possibly) got his GED. He now lives in a double wide trailer, got married at 20, and has a four year old daughter. His wife works part time at McDonalds, and he works at a grocery store part time as well. My other friends never seemed to amount to much either. They would get into drugs, get crazy drunk during the week, most have been arrested or put in jail for stupid things. There's a ton of drama surrounding them pretty much all the time.
My dilemma was that I never wanted any of that. I wanted to get out of that small town and make something out of myself. I wanted to be successful with a good, stable career and a family when I get ready to have one instead of something totally unplanned. I was sent to a private school, paid for out of the Social Security money I received every month from my father's death. That kept me out of the public school system and away from a large amount of bad influences. The problem with that was that I was looked at as "uppity" and "arrogant" and "thinks-he's-better-than-you" because I got a decent education and was never arrested.
It got worse when people found out I was going to college. My family was very supportive, of course, but my friends felt the opposite. I wasn't "one of the boys" anymore; I was a jumped up college boy who thinks he's too good for the people he came up with. I was looked at as "abandoning my roots" and "forgetting where I came from".
Another issue came from me being generally a very liberal person in a very conservative area. My friends would display casual racism (towards all minorities) all the time. I didn't like that, but was made fun of for speaking my mind about it. For the record, I'm a left-leaning equality minded person, which is something very rare in a small Southern town. It set me apart from everyone else, but I can't help what I believe. If I believe something is right or wrong, then I do, and shouldn't feel unwelcome because of it.
So I severed contact with the people I grew up with. I didn't feel like I belonged in their world anymore, or that I even belonged in my hometown. I was never comfortable living in LaGrange - there was never anything to do except get into trouble, and I always looked for something bigger and better. I feel that I've always been a city man at heart - I love being around people, and I love the hustle and bustle of big city life. I finally got a job that paid what I wanted, and I moved to where I felt I belonged. I'm around like-minded people and I feel like I am welcome as opposed to being the odd man out.
I haven't set foot back in LaGrange for longer than two days since I moved away in 2008. I've never looked back and never had a desire to move back to that kind of place. I haven't had contact with the people that I knew for 15+ years since then either, with the exception of my childhood best friend. If he's happy, more power to him, but I always wanted something better for myself than living on a part time minimum wage job supporting a wife and kid, trying to figure out whether to pay the power bill or the rent on the double wide trailer.
I grew up in a small rural town in NH, couldn't wait to get out of there. Once I joined the military and traveled the world I ended up in NJ. I was right outside of the city, everything at my fingertips. After having kids I realized they were missing out on all of the great childhood adventures I had growing up in NH. I felt guilty for not allowing my children to have an amazing childhood like I had. Needless to say we all moved back up to NH last year and life is better than ever. Kids are experiencing more than they ever would in NJ. The schools are better, they have better friends, etc.. Unfortunately I think when you hit a certain age you just want to get out of where you are, especially in a small town. I forsee my kids moving away when they get older only to come back when they have children so they too can have an amazing childhood. Nothing beats a small quaint town to raise your family in where the adventures are endless.
Moving away from NH made me appreciate it even more. I was able to make connections, education, work experience, etc...that would have been hard to obtain in small town NH. Now that I am back I rarely socialize with old time friends, we don't have anything in common anymore. They are doing the same old thing and I now have a great job where I can afford to enjoy everything the state has to offer.
People with talent/skills/potential leave small towns to go to the big cities asap because that's where the jobs and opportunities are. In the near future(if it isn't right now) the vast majority of small towns in America will only be for the elderly and the no hopers.
I'm like Mustangman. Grew up in a small town, really small, pop 270. The "big town" 30 miles away had a population of 10,000. As soon as graduation was finished I moved to a real city. Since then I've lived in Atlanta, just outside of LA, and Tampa.
After having kids I moved back to a small town, because I wanted the kids to have the freedom to roam, build tree houses, play in the woods, swim in the pond. This time I chose a small town within 15 minutes of a good sized city. As they have grown up they've moved to big cities.
I grew up much the same way, in a very small town, with people who had a small town mental concept....it was a religious town which angered me all the more....why? Because they were just as gossipy as anyone, and even worse, were pathetic when it came to judging others....and were pretty much the same as the OP describes.
I moved away, couldn't wait to get out, and encouraged my son to do the same, to travel...while I believe staying is school and getting as much education as possible, travel also assists in growth.
that small town mind concept is very difficult to understand....makes me feel sad for those people.
I have a friend who grew up on a farm in that small town, she is the nicest lady, but she allows people to walk all over her.
I live in a small town as well, 3,000 give or take a few, been there most of my life but I grew up in a city of 140,000. In my 50+ years I have found one will find the same different types of people in every small town or big city. There are those who are racist, those who have no ambition, those who are criminals, those who have lofty ambitions, those who are education oriented, etc. etc.
I know a great deal of people in my small town and surrounding area that are educated and making a good living. Some left the area never to return and some stuck around. As well I know those who barely make minimum wage, those sucking off the gov. teat, habitual criminal, etc. Same goes for the people I know that grew up and live in the big city I am from. Some good, some bad, some educated some not, some criminals some successful family men and women.
I find now there are a whole lot of people from big cities mostly in NY, FL, CA, that are transplanting to my state and a good number of them to small rural areas. Many are retired but there are also many younger families with children.
OP my hat is off to you. You wanted to better yourself. As far as the people that thought you were "arrogant" or "uppity" or "better than everyone," f*ck them! For one, there's nothing wrong with being that way, two; they're jealous, three; those people just lack confidence. I have seen these mentality in rural areas. I call it the "backwoods" mentality. Red-neck hick, , narrow-minded, racist, bigoted, arch-conservative mentality. These people grow up poor and feel so should everyone else. These people talk about "the good lord" yet hate blacks, Hispanics, other immigrants, gays, atheists, or anybody even the slightest bit different from them yet while claiming to be "Christian." Those that vote, vote strictly based on gun rights. You can find them spending their sunday afternoons watching NASCAR while smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. They sport jean jackets and/or stone-washed jeans while listening to country music or listening to 80's hair bands on cassette tape. Hopefully I'm painting a good picture for all of you. Their priority is everyone else's business and when's the local fair/carnival. Their diets are horrible too because it consists of mostly cheap sh*t processed food. As far as the married 20 year old with kids living in a double wide, well that's the norm for a lot of people in rural areas.
There's a reason why people live in urban areas, OPTIONS!!! Cities have options. Options for jobs, housing, shopping, restaurants, gyms, you name it. I like options. I'm considering a move at this moment to a bigger area for a better job.
I don't feel sorry for people that are poor because they refuse to move for something better.
OP, good for you. You bettered yourself. I know a lot of wealthy people. Yes, some are in the "lucky sperm club" and were born into money. Some are self-made. The ones that are self made didn't there by looking for a "hand-out." I'm not wealthy, I made 42k last year, the median income. While I doubt I'll ever own a yacht, I refuse to be poor. Sometimes you gotta get out of your comfort zone. Often, this means moving. I'll end it with a line from The Wolfe of Wall St., (which I highly recommend), "there's no nobility in poverty."
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