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Relatives of mine where so happy to be able to retire when they both reached 65. They were also happy to be able to move out of the big City and into the small town in Southern MN they grew up in years ago. Trouble was, the friendly small town they remembered from their youth had changed. Instead of friendly they found a closed society of small minded poorly educated people who did not like outsiders. I suspect this is the case in many small towns all over America.
Is it any different in gated communities? You put up walls to keep others out, after all.
People are naturally suspicious of newcomers. Why? Because many times newcomers bring trouble - they HAD to move, are irresponsible, maybe do or deal drugs, and are different.
I moved here 24 years ago and these folks had had more than their share of drug dealers, wife-beaters, and bad-check-writers come and go. They were suspicious. So the first thing we did was join the volunteer Fire Department. I got a job working as a reporter for the local weekly paper, and got involved in the community. I worked their volunteer EMS for seven years and delivered babies and took care of their grandparents and parents. Gradually we came to be accepted as part of the community, not someone who was there to hurt them or their children, not someone who would take away from their little corner of life. Some folks swore they went to school with me in another part of the county! LOL
You can fit in if you want to, as long as you understand that there will be a natural initial prejudice, and that it is your responsibility to prove yourself and to ease their suspicions. Southerners do it by asking "who's your famly?" and getting to know each other that way. I've been to all sorts of towns, large and small, Southern, Western, and Northern, and although everywhere I've gone I've been judged "eccentric", I have been comfortable around them. More importantly, they get comfortable around me!
I grew up in a small town, and if a new student came to the high school, he was Mr. Local Celebrity from a view, and treated like dirt and as an "outsider" to others. It depends on who he was or what his family did; have money, dressed nice, welcome to the "in" crowd. Came in with a chain and urban dress, forget about it.
But they will be really hacked if you move there with the 'tude "hey I am a college educated big city transplant and I am here to show you hicks the right way to do things".
Hear, hear! And, what's more, the "college educated big city transplants" who moved there and DIDN'T do that because they moved there to enjoy the place and people, not change them into where they came from, whether those who were there before them wanted that or not, will be really hacked, as well.
Location: Los Angeles, which as I understand was once upon a time ago part of the United States of America
849 posts, read 1,046,447 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KevK
But they will be really hacked if you move there with the 'tude "hey I am a college educated big city transplant and I am here to show you hicks the right way to do things".
We were welcomed to our little town after the initial shock wore off the townspeople-we are sort of an odd couple.We bought a fixer-upper and renovated it ourselves.We use to sit outside and have people wave out their car window,yelling "it looks good" all the time.They were so happy someone redid a local eyesore. Then they started stopping and trying to hire my husband He is an amazing cabinetmaker and woodworker with severe COPD-he is also the unfriendliest person in town.I"ve just told the locals he is a typical cranky New York City Busdriver type of guy,he doesn't hate them,he hates everybody.They seem to accept that-first time I've ever seen a TV stereotype work for someone.Some people move to small towns to get AWAY from people.Our next move is to a place we can't see people.
I've lived in NY, ND, CA, TN, MN, Czech Republic, Ireland, Germany, Italy, Africa and the West Indies. Big cities and small towns alike. I've moved over 40 times, so I think that qualifies me as a professional.
I've learned that stereo-typing places doesn't work. There are good people and bad people, open communities and cliques, in every place. The trick is, what kind of person are YOU?
I think we often times get so busy judging "other people" that we forget that we're one of them. I live in downtown Minneapolis right now. I'm a country man at heart and hope to move back to the country in one year. Even though I'm the small town type, I've found folks here that help give it a small town feel. If you like the night-life and like to boogie, you naturally tend to find those people to surround yourself with. We can't always lay the blame on other people.
That said, I do understand how people feel. I am tired of the city. If I hear one more siren, it might just be for me! It's noisy here and I'm tired of the crowds and general lifestyle of the city. The kicker is, I have a choice whether or not to live here. If I get too sick and tired of it, I can always up and leave.
The problem usually is that when we try to go somewhere else, we try to make that place what we want it to be, which many times ends up being just like the one that we left! That usually happens when we move from a city to a small town. We're trying to combine the best of different places and we can't do that when it comes to moving to small towns. If we're going to move to a small town, we need to be prepared to accept THAT way of life, and not interrupt the place with what WE want. To come into town with your guns blazing and trying to change things is rude and arrogant. This is where the conflict comes in. (Although, you can do that when you move to a big city and no one blinks an eye.)
Today's political climate is a big reason many people are suspicious and cautious of new people. Unfortunately, it's become a natural response. We, as the new resident, need to understand that and have patience. In time, our true colors will show through and people will come to accept us. How can we expect instant acceptance in today's world?
The problem usually is that when we try to go somewhere else, we try to make that place what we want it to be, which many times ends up being just like the one that we left! That usually happens when we move from a city to a small town. We're trying to combine the best of different places and we can't do that when it comes to moving to small towns. If we're going to move to a small town, we need to be prepared to accept THAT way of life, and not interrupt the place with what WE want. To come into town with your guns blazing and trying to change things is rude and arrogant. This is where the conflict comes in. (Although, you can do that when you move to a big city and no one blinks an eye.)
Admirably stated, and something that I keep trying to get across to folks. Although, I do have to say, if you move to a city like, say, Austin, Texas, and start comparing it to where you came from and trying to change it to what you moved to get away from, you'll find that there's more than eyeblinking going on!
I recently moved to a small town, from a big town, so was prepared for much of what I got, but have also found that it's harder to get to know folks here than in a larger town. One reason is that most folks are related to eachother, or have family close, and spend much of their time with them. Another reson is that unless you join a church, chamber of commerce or fraternal organization, there just isn't much opportuntity to socialize. I'm lucky to have kids, so have got to know people through the school, but there's still such a small number of people to begin with, which makes it hard.
I think people in small towns also like their privacy and guard it to some extent. Maybe this lends itself to more introverts than "people persons". Don't know...
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welcomed
