Why do I feel lonely in a sunny happy city like San Diego? (Orange: leasing, homes)

[Gentoo]

I am actually one of the biggest San Diego complainers on this board.

I knew we got along for a reason lol

[sav858]

Originally Posted by Gentoo

Pretty much as mini_cute said. San Diego is a great place for families and older folks. It's not really much for singles. Not saying it's terrible for singles in any way, just not the type of place where you find that "going out to meet new people" sort of mind set.

You obviously must not spend much time in the beach areas, downtown, or North Park. Those areas are filled with young, single people.

[sdurbanite]

Originally Posted by gemma84

Hello San Diegans!

I will introduce myself a little bit and explain the reasons for my topic question.

I am a 25 year old girl from Barcelona, Spain. As an European I wanted to come to the States to work for a while in here with a J-1 visa (allows to work in the hospitality industry or others for a maximum of 18 months). I wanted to do this to learn about the way Americans work, cause I had been told you are the most disciplined ones and that the experience would benefit my personal and professional life.

For the moment I love the city and all it has to offer, as well as trying to be patient with the job because, you know, it is never exactly as you expect. They tell you you are going to be trained to be a Manager, and well, for the moment I haven't seen anything like that. I work in a hotel (won't say the name or position for privacy) and I hope things get better as months go by and the high season approaches.

The thing is I feel extremely lonely here. People are nice, but they don't go further than the normal courtesy between colleagues at work. I also have a roommate but we have very different schedules at work and we barely coincide to be able to do things together. So basically my question is how is this happening? Do you think the fact that I am a foreigner (European!) doesn't help? Do you think you Americans are not very inclined or open to build strong relationships with us? Or is it just that I am VERY impatient?

Advices on where or how to try to meet new people will be very welcomed too!

Thanks a lot those who have stood to read the entire thing haha! and have a great day in beautiful San Diego!

Gemma

It's tough enough to move to a new city, but to move to a different country is even more challenging. Like others have mentioned, maybe you can check out meetup to see if there are other fellow Spaniards you can connect with who might be in the same boat as you. Have you been to Sevilla or Costa Brava in PB yet? They are 2 Spanish restaurants that I know of.

As for finding people your age, people between the ages of 25 to 34 years old make up the largest demographic in all of San Diego city and County (according to Census facts), so they are out there!

If it makes you feel any better, my friend picked up and moved to New York City a few years ago to fullfill a dream. The first year she was there, she said it was the loneliest time of her entire life. How is it that one could be in the world's most exciting city and still feel lonely? She lasted less than 3 years and went back home.

[sdurbanite]

Originally Posted by sav858

You obviously must not spend much time in the beach areas, downtown, or North Park. Those areas are filled with young, single people.

You're right, plenty of people in the 25 to 34 age category. Higher percentage of them here than both LA or SF.

San Diego city, California - ACS Demographic and Housing Estimates: 2006-2008

[gemma84]

Originally Posted by Snort

Hola Gemma,
As a guy who's lived in Spain for years and now back in California, I'd say you'd meet a lot of interested people wherever there's a language exchange. (Debe haber un 'intercambio de lenguas' en algun sitio en S.D.) That would be my first place to go.
I'd also like to suggest that, if you have any interest, that you take sailing lessons. One of the best places is at Mission Bay: Mission Bay Aquatic Center- sailing You'll have a great time and you'll meet people, and San Diego is one of the best places in the world for sailing. They also teach surfing and kayaking, if you're more inclined to those activities. ¡Mucha suerte!

Hi Snort,

How was Spain? What did you do there? I hope you enjoyed my country a lot!!

Thanks for the advices. The thing is, as always, that one is really limited here without a car, and because I will only stay in San Diego for a year or year and half max, I can't afford (and don't want to) buy a car.

Sailing lessons would be really cool, but... no car! haha! Bad huh?

I'm feeling better today, I just have to think about working, which is what I came to do here, while I enjoy it my best!

Thanks again!!

[gemma84]

Originally Posted by f_m

I would also suggest something like meetup.com, since you can choose from various activities.

Hi f_m!

I've been taking a look at meetup but for the moment haven't found anything interesting. I'll keep trying!!

[gemma84]

Originally Posted by mini_cute

Hey again, just to be clear I didn't take it that you were complaining one bit. And if I did, I wouldn't disagree- I am actually one of the biggest San Diego complainers on this board. Which is why I am moving to San Francisco next month which does make me a bit biased in my opinion against San Diego but I can see why there are people who love it here. It does have the loveliest weather and sunshine. And you will perhaps love it even more than you already do as the weather starts to warm up. =)

About your co-workers, yes it may take some time to get to know them as someone else said. But here is what has worked for me- throw a party at the place you are staying if possible and entice them with food! Yes, tell them what kinds of foods you will have or prepare for them along with some good wine. There are a lot of wine lovers in San Diego. I know if we worked together and you were to invite me to a party and tell me you were going to have some good Spanish food and wine, I'd not refuse. hehe Mmmm... I love Spanish chorizo...

You are totally right about the food thing! I know they love it so much and I'm gonna try that someday soon... Spanish chorizo, jamón, mmmmm tortilla, paella, and I still have turrón from my mom's Christmas package sent directly from Spain haha!! Delicious!

[gemma84]

Originally Posted by bloom

Read the book 'Connected' by Fowler. Loneliness is contagious.

Amazon.com: Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives (9780316036146): Nicholas A. Christakis, James H. Fowler: Books

Guess what! I don't even have a Facebook! Hate it!! Am I a nerd for that?? haha! Many people would say YES!!!! :-P

I'll take note of the book, could be really interesting to read on that.

[gemma84]

Originally Posted by sandiegosavvy

Also check out craigslist. There is a section of personals for platonic friendships and there are lots of other young people in San Diego looking for friends. I'm 23 and I just moved here as well and haven't had much luck meeting people so I found some people my age on craigslist and livejournal, and I have had nothing but good experiences so far! I don't have any close friends yet, but I have some other girls I can call to hang out with at least.
Making friends at first can be kind of hard, but try and put yourself out there by inviting co-workers to do things after work, or join a book club/yoga class/ knitting circle/group for whatever interests you have.

Yep thanks sandiegosavvy! I'll take a look on that part of CraigList. It is amazing how internet can help the right way in so many aspects...

[gemma84]

Originally Posted by sdurbanite

It's tough enough to move to a new city, but to move to a different country is even more challenging. Like others have mentioned, maybe you can check out meetup to see if there are other fellow Spaniards you can connect with who might be in the same boat as you. Have you been to Sevilla or Costa Brava in PB yet? They are 2 Spanish restaurants that I know of.

As for finding people your age, people between the ages of 25 to 34 years old make up the largest demographic in all of San Diego city and County (according to Census facts), so they are out there!

If it makes you feel any better, my friend picked up and moved to New York City a few years ago to fullfill a dream. The first year she was there, she said it was the loneliest time of her entire life. How is it that one could be in the world's most exciting city and still feel lonely? She lasted less than 3 years and went back home.

Hi!!!! I was in Costa Brava restaurant in fact the other day with my boyfriend and met the owner there, nice Spanish guy! And awesome food, they've maintained in a very decent way the real Spanish flavor! It was cool to meet him! But again, with no car... how can I go there again you know what I mean?

Sometimes, as you say, it's not the place, it is just yourself and how hard are you willing to feel happy with the experience. I know I'll be here for just 18 months so I promise trying to be positive and hide the bad parts.