Moving to SF with my North Beach native fiancé, Brooklyn native here looking for area suggestions and any tips you have! (San Francisco: appointed)

[bkmikey]

Hey everyone, I'm Mike. I'm 24 years old and relocating with my 26 year old fiancé (we're both men) to San Francisco. This is only a temporary move, because I already own a house outright (no mortgage) in Brooklyn and in a few years we want to start a family and raise our kids in that house. However, my future mother-in-law just lost her husband, and is aging both physically and mentally herself, she refuses to leave her apartment and move in with us in NYC, and my fiancé doesn't want to put her in an assisted living home at this time. (However, I did tell him that when we are ready to move back she is either going to come with us or there isn't gonna be another option.) I work remotely so I am not worried about a commute, and my fiancé is a bartender, only plans to work part-time and might have a job lined up as the weekend bartender at a gentleman's club (I'm just as grossed out as you, trust me) that someone that he went to high school with is a partial owner of by the Powell Street BART station (yes, we are both aware that this isn't a great area but he will make good money here according to his buddy the owner).

The cheapest option would be to live with his mother in the house that he grew up, which is a 2 bedroom in a walk-up building over a store in the North Beach neighborhood almost at the corner of Grant Ave. and Vallejo Street. The thing is, the apartment is tiny, we will be in his childhood bedroom, which is still decorated "rebellious grunge" and worst of all me and his mother don't get along. (She is significantly older than my mom even though he is only two years apart as he was the baby and was born when his older brother -who is a career military person who lives on a base overseas- was 17) She is an Italian immigrant (like my grandparents) and is very Catholic and barely accepts the fact that her son is gay and marrying me, which I find weird because she lives in the gayest city in America. Also, she talks about me in Italian to him and thinks that I cannot understand (I can) and many other things. Bottom line, we need our own place.

I've been to SF a couple times, but it's only really been to see then tourists sites like the Presidio, Fisherman's Wharf, Haight-Ashbury, Castro Street etc. and to his family's house and it's surroundings. I really like the city but I am not too familiar with the ins-and-outs of it. I know I don't want to live in North Beach, it's very pretty and I've heard it was different back in the day. But it's too crowded and there is a lot of seedy nightlife, also I have noticed from looking at Muni transit maps that it is in a weird spot for transit, and is only really accessible to downtown, which isn't somewhere I see myself hanging out too often.

I'm not a club/bar person, but I do like to live in an area that has stuff going on in it and isn't a dead suburban neighborhood. At the same time, I watched my neighborhood in Brooklyn go from a nice community with families to yuppie/hipster ground zero and it would be nice to live in an area that still has some "normal people" and families and isn't completely gentrified, I am not afraid of a little grittiness as long as I am not gonna get shot on my way to buy cigarettes or something. Also, gay friendly is important but in SF I doubt that's even a valid concern.

Anyways, neither of us will have cars, and I don't have a license and I'm a night owl, so access to 24/7 transit (I know it won't be as extensive as NYC but as close as possible please) is VERY important.

We are looking for a 1 bedroom (I can live with a studio, but since I work at home and he will work nights it would be nice if there was a room where either of us can close the door and be alone - we live together already and love each other very much but it is nice to be able to just be alone sometimes without having to leave the house.)
Our maximum budget is $2200 before utilities, honestly that number is a stretch in itself and if we go any higher we will be living on Ramen and tap water, lmao jk.

Since it was his idea to move and I was perfectly content with staying in NYC, he has told me that I basically have Carte Blanche to choose our place, because he feels bad for making me move (it isn't that I am sad, I like SF a lot and it will be a cool experience to live somewhere besides NYC. I've lived in the same house in the same neighborhood in the same city my entire life - I even lived at home for college! It's not like he asked me to move to Texas or Kansas because that would never happen!!) His only guidelines are that he wants to be in the city proper, and he said living in the East Bay defeats the whole purpose of him being close to his mother to take care of her, (which I agree with; even though I would love to live in Oakland) and also he said we should avoid these areas: Tenderloin, Bayview, Hunter Point, 6th & Market and he also said that we shouldn't live in Outer Sunset or Outer Richmond because they are very Chinese areas and according to him they would be rude to us because we are a White, Gay couple. We aren't racist at all but from my experience in NYC (where there is a huge Chinese community!) is that generally they are more conservative about certain things like homosexuality and also, they are more insular and stay within the Chinese community and wouldn't be quick to make friends with their new neighbors "the Gay white couple".


Got any suggestions for neighborhoods? Also, do you have any tips to make the transition from NY to SF easier? Remember I have never lived anywhere else! Thanks so much and I'm sorry for writing such a long question!!!

[bajatacos]

plan on some coin,unless drive over the bridge,best of luck

[jade408]

Your wish list is incompatible with your budget, ti be perfectly frank. The average one bedroom price right now is about $3500 in SF. 24/7 transit in the Bay Area means ince an hour between 1a - 6a give or take and is in limited locales. Studios start at about $2500 in areas well-served by transit.

You need to rethink your list or up your budget.

**the Tenderloin is $3000 for a one bedroom now. The only areas thAt might have something in your budget are the Outer Richmond/Sunset and that is atill pushing it.

[capoeira]

Originally Posted by bkmikey

Anyways, neither of us will have cars, and I don't have a license and I'm a night owl, so access to 24/7 transit (I know it won't be as extensive as NYC but as close as possible please) is VERY important.

This does not exist in SF except for a small handful of bus lines that have all night service every 30 minutes.

[bkmikey]

I've been doing research and stuff, and I think I can't move to SF...
I'm afraid about renting my home out here in brooklyn, and also from what you describe SF is both too expensive and not transit-friendly enough. Now to convince Tommy to put his mom in an old age home while pretending that it's a last resort that would make me sad (it would bring me great joy for her to live in a home and get a couple of bedsores! LOL! :P)

[jade408]

24/7 transit service is virtually unnecessary. Nothing is open. If you think SF is a 24/7 city you will be sorely disappointed.

[Oakformonday]

Sounds like you need to make a decision about your commitment. What's more important - being in a 24/7 environment or making your soon to be husband happy. SF is NOT NYC. The energy here is nothing compared to NYC. I know both cities pretty well. Also, your budget is too low to live in SF. You could find that in Oakland but you seem to be against that option. If your needs are more important than maybe it is time to let your fiance move in with his mother while you stay in Brooklyn. You're still young and it sounds like you aren't ready to settle down. I could be wrong but I am just going by what you wrote. Good luck. You're going to need it!!!

[3rdGen SFan]

Originally Posted by jade408

24/7 transit service is virtually unnecessary. Nothing is open. If you think SF is a 24/7 city you will be sorely disappointed.

^True, but there are a few businesses open late and 24/7 for insomniacs, but they aren't businesses for the party types. They're, for example, Safeway stores, certain restaurants and small bars (at least in the lower Mission), at least one laundromat (in the upper Mission), at least one donut shop (in the lower Mission). Sometimes I also see a bar open into the very early AM hours on weekdays beside the weekends in the Noe Valley district.

I'm often an insomniac, and, both day & night, I either walk or bike the majority of the time. No need for public transit here unless I'm lazy or I don't trust leaving my bike out of view for a long span of time in a specific area.

[04kL4nD]

Originally Posted by bkmikey

I've been doing research and stuff, and I think I can't move to SF...
I'm afraid about renting my home out here in brooklyn, and also from what you describe SF is both too expensive and not transit-friendly enough. Now to convince Tommy to put his mom in an old age home while pretending that it's a last resort that would make me sad (it would bring me great joy for her to live in a home and get a couple of bedsores! LOL! :P)

$2200/month is never going to happen. I'd just stay in NYC if I were you.

[NorCalLover]

Unfortunately in your budget you're only going to find one-bedrooms in far-out neighborhoods with limited nightlife like the Outer Richmond, Outer Sunset, and Outer Mission, or somewhere sketchy like Hunter's Point. If you'll consider a studio or renting a master bedroom together in a house, you can try neighborhoods near your fiancé's mom like Nob Hill, Russian Hill, and The Marina. A little further from his mom maybe also try Duboce Triangle, which is very connected to transit, and the Lower Haight.

I agree with the others that it sounds like you need to work things out with your fiancé before committing to a move. Your apprehension comes through loud and clear in the posts and you may want to try to come to some other sort of compromise together. Best of luck OP.