Would San Francisco be a good fit for an unhappy DC dweller?

[oping00]

Originally Posted by EastCoastOutcast

Hey everybody,

Serious question from a guy in the midst of a quarter life crisis. I’d really be appreciative if people with more experience than myself put in their two cents.

Long story short: I’m a 26-year-old software engineer who's been working in the suburbs of Washington, DC (Arlington) since I graduated from college in 2011. Recently, I started a new job at a tech startup located in San Francisco that’s headed up by some people I worked with previously, and that employs several people I’ve worked with and befriended at my prior employer. They have an office in DC where I currently work, but it’s very tiny - only 4 people including myself. I could relocate to SF if I wanted, but the incredibly high cost of living has thus far scared me into staying put. I make $105,000 a year, but pay off about $800 a month in student loan debt which makes it feel like a bit less. I just don’t know if I could afford to live anywhere near as comfortably as I live around DC. I also don’t know a soul out there - my only family (mom, dad, and older brother) all live in Northern Virginia.

I love so many things about Virginia. I actually enjoy the weather, except for the past couple of bitterly cold winters, I love the thunderstorms, the fall evenings, the hot summer nights...I grew up there, went to college there. It really feels like home to me. My life's history is there.

However, I really hate the DC culture. Everything you hear about people being “what can you do for me” social climbers is true, and I just don’t particularly get along with anyone out here. I always feel like people are more concerned with flaunting their own successes and using people to get what they want than they are in really getting to know you. I absolutely hate networking, and my social and dating life suffers because of it. I barely have one of either - I just work and go to the gym all the time. It’s made my career very successful, but my personal life very lonely. It leads me to wonder if I’m better off picking up my things and shipping off for San Fran (where I’m currently visiting for work this very moment, by the way) to see if life is any better.

I’ve only been visiting for two days, but I’ve been a bit freaked out by the sort of decrepit condition of some of the center of the city (my office is close to the Tenderloin) and the homeless people and weird gangster types accosting people on the street after dark. However, my coworkers are all incredible, and it makes me think maybe I’m better off trying to make something happen here rather than going back to an empty apartment outside DC where they’re all just voices on the other end of a teleconference. I don’t know. I’m stuck. After a couple nights out in the city drinking and having fun, their enthusiasm for SF is beginning to infect me. It’s making me reconsider my decision to stay put.

Can anybody allay my fears about San Francisco, or am I right to think that maybe I really would be worse off here than I’d be staying on the east coast, where I’ve lived all my life? Even if I am a little worse off, maybe it would be worth it to actually be happy in my personal life for once? Make real friends, actually date a bit, meet some people who didn’t care so intensely about your job title and your income and what social circles you run in? On the other hand, the gender ratio is skewed far more toward men in SF, so the odds are less in my favor there. >_<

Any opinions for or against throwing caution to the wind and moving out west would be welcome. Both places are incredible, but unfortunately I have to pick. I just don’t have enough experience with Cali to know if it’s worth it. I've considered other places like Austin as a middle ground between east and west, but for job reasons, I've pretty much got a binary choice of SF or DC right now.

Thanks in advance for any advice. I know this isn't even the only "SF-or-DC" question on the very first page of the forum, but I hope you guys will tolerate just one more. :-)

Go to NY its way more active and fun than DC.

[04kL4nD]

I'd also look into Philadelphia. Much cheaper than both DC/NYC and Center City is a fantastic place to be these days.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Chuck5000

Ruth's advice is generally great, but no way at all one can get the kind of quality 2 bedroom she describes anywhere where there are good schools within one hour commute of SF for less than 500k, let alone Albany. If you see such a listing, it's designed to get bids, or it has serious things wrong with it. Check sale prices and learn to look for factors like road locatiion, condition of building, etc.

Albany has nice, affordable "starter" homes in the range I gave, and has good schools (not that the OP is looking for that...) Places like that would probably have competition (which seems very weird, at that price), but they're out there. I checked the location myself, before posting it; quiet street, and all that. Anyway, the OP is a long way away from buying, and by the time he's ready to buy, prices would have moved skyward, anyway, so realistically, he's looking at getting a condo or townhome in the future.

[smashystyle]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

Albany has nice, affordable "starter" homes in the range I gave, and has good schools (not that the OP is looking for that...) Places like that would probably have competition (which seems very weird, at that price), but they're out there. I checked the location myself, before posting it; quiet street, and all that. Anyway, the OP is a long way away from buying, and by the time he's ready to buy, prices would have moved skyward, anyway, so realistically, he's looking at getting a condo or townhome in the future.

There really isn't much in Albany at that price range. For reference the median sale price is $747K. You can get one of the condos on Pierce street for $500K, but note that they have HOA fees of more than $500/month. They're also not really walkable to Solano Ave. IMO and right off the freeway. 1000 sq. ft. starter homes are going for $700-800K. Even in El Cerrito the median sale price is now over $750K (it's actually a little higher than Albany, but that reflects the larger average house size in E.C.). It's crazy out there: of the last 30 or so houses sold in El Cerrito, not one has been for less than $500K (okay, there was one at $150K, but that must not have really been a market sale).

As for the question of D.C. or S.F., I like both cities a lot. They actually have more similarities than you might think at first glance. Among other things, they are similarly-sized metro areas. The Metro in D.C. was modeled after BART and uses the same technology (the Metro does go more places, largely because the federal government had more clout to put lines wherever they wanted, rather than using existing ROWs). Both cities have well-educated populations, and high costs of living. The weather is obviously quite different, as are the big industries in town. I think D.C. would be an easier adjustment for the OP, but I think both cities are good options for him. That said, friends and social lives are more about you than where you live, IMO. Certainly if you are in a major city, and not in a small town.

[DCBiker]

I moved from DC to Berkeley this year. I lived in DC for almost your entire life. I'm twice your age. Just take a bloody chance and move. In the worst case you just move back and live with your parents for a few months until you get your feet on the ground in DC again.

I'd say your social life is your own making. I've already got friends in a cycling club and friends on a bike racing team. I don't think your love life is going to improve here. That's a tall order.

Weather--I'm fine with the cooler temps, but really, May sucked. Upper 50s, overcast, humid, and windy is downright chilly. Even for someone who just left DC's second consecutive "bitter" cold winter. I was glad to leave it behind. It snowed on my way out of town. :-)

You make so much more than me, even after paying your student loans, that if you can't make it here, you need to take a class in money management.

Properties here are often in ratty shape compared with so much new housing stock in DC. If you want to stay in DC, give up the solitary gym routine and take up cycling. Ride with people. Don't talk about work. And move into the city for god's sake. SW near the ball park has lots of new housing and some street life.