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From your description though as a shy, introvert who hates talking to people, all I can ask is, are you guilty of treating people the same way you abhor from others?
I don't hate talking to people and never said I did. I hate "small talk"... empty, pointless commentary with no real substance. I like discussing common hobbies and sharing opinions, occasional deep discussions. I'm just shy and I get really nervous around people I don't know at first so I find it hard to say very much until I feel comfortable enough. I actually do like talking to people if I get to know them enough but that's a process that gradually happens over time. Most people don't have the patience for it.
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Originally Posted by RotseCherut
Why are you so against meeting older people?
There just wouldn't be much for me to relate to with people from a way different era and I'm sure they want to stick with their own age group for the same reasons.
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Originally Posted by RotseCherut
P.S.
Are you into software?
It's a reference to something else, sorry.
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Originally Posted by Vinylly
You say you are shy, an introvert and from a small town. Sorry, but small towns are always friendlier then a city, no matter what city it is. I'm also from a small town so I know from experience. Extroverts alway do better making friends. Also, if you are attractive you'll do better making friends, -very superficial I know. Some people just do better at making friends and that's the way the world spins. Maybe you go to the wrong places. I would suggest a church with a small congregation. I know of a real friendly church with a real friendly pastor.
I said smaller. About half of Seattle's population, probably not quite as big in area, but most definitely urban. Also said I was irreligious and that's a huge reason why I never fit in when I lived there.
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Originally Posted by soci3tycat
I'd offer to meet with you, as I am around your age slightly younger, but will be moving to Seattle in 3 years. If you'd like to meet up then, we should! I don't drink much either. If a friend wants to grab a drink, I will have 1 Riesling or something sweet, but otherwise could do without.
I'd meet anyone who thinks they'd get along with me, really. And has the patience for my not drinking and initial shyness.
Originally Posted by Null.
I used to live on the east coast! There if you don't subscribe to a religion and/or aren't conservative, if not are willing to convert to those things, people don't want anything to do with you. #1 reason for us having no friends there. My boyfriend and I are irreligious and liberal which is one reason Seattle is more suited for us.
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Originally Posted by kanhawk
This statement is so ridiculous that it makes me think the whole problem here is the OP, not Seattlites.
I assure you I'm not kidding. If you actually got into a conversation, one of the earliest things that would always end up being asked: "what church do you go to?". If I respond in all honesty, "I'm not a christian", that's the end of that conversation. If I say "none" and you refuse theirs, that's the end of that conversation as well.
Few points:
I don't care if people drink around me (my boyfriend even drinks), I just don't do it myself and I want people to be ok with that. It just seems that considering the almost forced alcohol culture here, and that I have been treated rudely online by locals for my preference, I just have gotten the impression that nondrinkers are generally not welcome in most situations.
I don't only expect to make friends "randomly on the street". I have tried many times to talk to people one on one looking to make local friends online (via craigslist and social network stuff) but it just gets to them claiming "we should hangout sometime" (if ANY response) and that's that, nothing becomes of it.
To everyone else that says they don't have the time for friends: don't you get lonely? That's my problem. I can't always get to be around my boyfriend due to conflicting schedules (he works A LOT); who else can I spend time with and talk to in the meantime? That's why I would like friends, I get lonely. I'm not a robot; if I could switch off the lonely mode I would.
I don't only expect to make friends "randomly on the street". I have tried many times to talk to people one on one looking to make local friends online (via craigslist and social network stuff) but it just gets to them claiming "we should hangout sometime" (if ANY response) and that's that, nothing becomes of it.
Don't try to meet people on Craigslist. Please.
Also, I think you might just be a bit wound up and uptight. Seriously, just relax and stop over-thinking this. Try that book "How to win friends and influence people." You should try to be a bit more easy-going.
I don't care if people drink around me (my boyfriend even drinks), I just don't do it myself and I want people to be ok with that. It just seems that considering the almost forced alcohol culture here, and that I have been treated rudely online by locals for my preference, I just have gotten the impression that nondrinkers are generally not welcome in most situations.
Are you serious? Your impression is soo wrong, I was puzzled by it... but I see now you've never actually been treated rudely at all by real people. Girl... No one cares if you drink or don't drink. If anything, you'd be useful because you'd be the ideal designated driver.
Your problem isn't the Seattle Freeze. Your problem is that you really don't have social skills (after all, you yourself did say you didn't have any friends from your previous place) and that you're not really putting yourself out there because of insecurities. You've been given a lot of advice on how to meet people. You're going to have to learn to deal with your insecurities, overcome that and just step out.
It's not that non-drinkers are ostracized. It's that people who martyr themselves because they don't drink are ostracized. No one likes a goody two shoes. I don't drink much. But when I go out, I'll order a beer or cocktail and just sip it or nurse it all night. If someone bugs me about it, I'll just say "Oh, I'm enjoying it slowly." But I don't make someone feel weird because I don't drink.
Anyway, I think we're starting to pick on OP and it's not helpful. I've been in these kind of situations before myself and it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. A health dose of self-confidence is important to all human relationships. There's a part of our instinct, dating back to the cave man days, that wants to pounce on people who lack self-confidence.
Change your attitude about yourself and you'll find that people will have a different attitude about you.
Obviously you're new here. Its actually the opposite, we been extremely helpful despite this board's distaste for Seattle Freeze threads.
I agree the board has been more than helpful with giving her suggestions. What I meant was that ganging up on her isn't helpful. At this point, OP has to want to change and help herself -- she can't wait for Seattle to change and accept her.
Alright I'm so sick of the years and years of having no friends. Sorry if this comes off as a semi rant but people here are so absolutely rude it's sickening. My boyfriend and I moved from a crappy smaller town we lived in years ago and I never had friends there either because I'm shy and on top of that I couldn't connect to anyone in an opinions/interests based sense. Well here now (from what I've gotten the impression of anyway) there's the latter but the people! Ugh. It's like highschool all over again. Everyone's so outwardly cold. I don't care what anyone says, the Seattle Freeze EXISTS.
Let me tell you exactly what I'm talking about. Ok once again I am shy. Not a total introvert but not even close to being any extrovert. I warm up as I get to know you more. I do manage to muster a "good morning", "what's up", or a smile, whatever. I just want to be seen as nice and be treated well. Everyone else here looks and acts like they're lost inside of their own brain or something. My greetings and courtesies get shrugged off every time. In fact, my boyfriend and I have both had multiple experiences of speaking to someone like casually asking/commenting on something beyond just a "hello", as in expecting a response, where the person definitely knew they were being spoken to. Then guess what... silent treatment! If not worse, by topping it all off with an extra serving of rudeness. A good example would be a time my boyfriend described, once casually asking someone about some place he had never been before and the lady proceeded to roll her eyes at him and pointed to her headphones and turned away from him without a word.
We have also been given the whole "leave Seattle, we HATE transplants" thing (even though many people are transplants anyway). We were literally even worse outcasts where we were living before, so that annoys me extra much. Then another thing I'm sick of hearing. I see this time and again posted on some Seattle thing online when some poor person is trying to find out something about the city from someone who lives here only to get "ewww Seattle sucks, you won't like it here, stay away". What is everyone, some 10 year old bully? Acting like they have a toy they want to keep all to themselves? It's no surprise we never get any sort of good natured people here.
Everyone's way too judgmental about stupid irrelevant stuff. There is no "good enough" or no "yeah we aren't 100% alike, that's fine". Even if you can manage to barely tap the ice, they will only care about how you dress, what job you have, how much money you make, and if you don't give them the most absolute snobbiest, elitist answer for all of those questions they won't have anything to do with you.
It seems a bit easier to manage conversation with people online which is why I've turned somewhere like here. But problem is, if you start talking to someone it eventually gets to this point of "we should hangout sometime" and you never hear from them again. Or if you say just the wrong thing, despite all other things the person has claimed to like about you. I have been blatantly treated badly by locals online too. Example: if you ever bring up the fact that you're of legal age and don't drink, you're a subject of mockery, all your other interests and your status as a human being are now irrelevant. Won't it just be ok for a non-drinker like me to go to (insert event with optional drinking here) and have something non-alcoholic? My boyfriend (a drinker who respects my decisions) is totally ok with that. Everyone else? LOL NEVER.
Don't get me wrong, Seattle is a beautiful city. Aside from the terrible populous, I love absolutely everything else about it. My boyfriend and I are set on living out the rest of our lives here even if we remain eachothers' only friend, for the city alone. But what is wrong with everyone?! I need answers, is there anyone else besides us who's nice and reasonable?!
you are not alone, i moved here a year ago, and the people are less friendly then rest of the US.
on the other side there are a lot of transplants here.
You say you are shy, an introvert and from a small town. Sorry, but small towns are always friendlier then a city, no matter what city it is. I'm also from a small town so I know from experience. Extroverts alway do better making friends. Also, if you are attractive you'll do better making friends, -very superficial I know. Some people just do better at making friends and that's the way the world spins. Maybe you go to the wrong places. I would suggest a church with a small congregation. I know of a real friendly church with a real friendly pastor.
Are you serious? Your impression is soo wrong, I was puzzled by it... but I see now you've never actually been treated rudely at all by real people. Girl... No one cares if you drink or don't drink. If anything, you'd be useful because you'd be the ideal designated driver.
Your problem isn't the Seattle Freeze. Your problem is that you really don't have social skills (after all, you yourself did say you didn't have any friends from your previous place) and that you're not really putting yourself out there because of insecurities. You've been given a lot of advice on how to meet people. You're going to have to learn to deal with your insecurities, overcome that and just step out.
*snip* There's nothing worse than meeting someone who wants a friendship more than you want it.
/RANT.
I like all of your post, but especially that. It's so true.
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Your impression is soo wrong, I was puzzled by it... but I see now you've never actually been treated rudely at all by real people. Girl... No one cares if you drink or don't drink. If anything, you'd be useful because you'd be the ideal designated driver.
