How to deal with a neighbor who broke into your house forcefully? (neighborhood, buy)

[mkarch]

Originally Posted by kyled

It's definitely not best to let her win. The whole reason why she continues to act the way she does is because people continuously let her win...it's one of the biggest reasons why people are jerks in the world, because they can be jerks and get away with it. If they couldn't get away with it they'd stop...because it's no longer a benefit, but a liability.

Here's how this game is played.

1) The 'miserable' neighbor goes around and shares her misery with everyone else.

2) Certain neighbors signal their willingness to 'play' by allowing the miserable neighbor access

3) Doing #2 automatically guarantees the miserable neighbor is going to win, unless you're willing to stoop to her level. In which case she wins anyway.

[DrL118]

mkarch, do you mean it's better to just totally ignore that woman and her family?

Is the 'miserable' neighbor the harasser in your post?

[mkarch]

Originally Posted by DrL118

mkarch, do you mean it's better to just totally ignore that woman and her family?

Is the 'miserable' neighbor the harasser in your post?

Yes, you need to figure out a way to cut her out entirely. You're correct, the miserable neighbor is the harasser.

If all goes well, if the victim stops 'playing' and reacting to the harasser, they'll move on to other victims that give them more feedback.

Some harassers will, unfortunately, see this as a greater challenge and try harder. That's why the victim needs to have a strategy for what to to if the harasser doesn't give up and move on. At that point legal action should be considered, and you need evidence to get a legal order.

Having dealt with this, the police are going to be of more use if you've cut the person out entirely rather than trying to 'fight' the harasser. That can be difficult because you WANT to fight back, but that only feeds their need for attention and the police see you as participating.

You and your friend may want to read up on NPD. A lot of the people who compulsively engage in this type of controlling and harassing behavior have a cluster of symptoms and it follows a pattern. Not saying your friend is definitely dealing with someone like this, but it's good to know about in case you do run into it. There's a lot of useful information on the net about how to disengage from these people. Trying to play along with them is incredibly frustrating and I don't recommend it if you wish to lead a peaceful life.

Narcissistic personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Polymorphist]

Does your neighbor know what a restraining order is?

They are very easy to get and this sounds like a good time to check into it. It's legally-binding civil action but does not require proof in the way that a criminal charge/trial does. All you have to do is tell the judge that you are afraid for your family and/or feeling harassed because the neighbor is aggressive and demanding and the order will probably be granted. It doesn't hurt anyone in an employment check as they are civil actions, however violating a restraining order has serious repercussions which usually involves jail time. You can download the forms on the King County site, I think Tuesdays are the days which courts hear restraining order cases (check on this). You also don't need a lawyer for these - again, these are easy to get.

I might just tell the neighbor that he/she is no longer welcome on my property before I get the courts involved. Being point-blank about not appreciating her demeanor and domineering behavior is the only thing that will work in this case. She's not going to change, so just tell her off and let her know, you really have nothing to lose at that point. Some people won't stop unless you tell them and as strange as it sounds often they don't really realize the extent of their behavior until they are told. Sounds as though her husband is aware of this and gets it, so they have that in your favor at least.

I'd try that first, THEN go fill out the forms for a restraining order depending on the outcome. One thing to note, if I were your neighbor I WOULD NOT mention that I'm considering a filing a restraining order, because that gives the other party a chance to file one on YOU first. Usually the person who files first is the one who "wins" the order, so tell your neighbor to keep their lips sealed.

[mkarch]

^ No, restraining orders are not easy to get. The police even charged our neighbor's son with harassment and a judge would still not issue a permanent restraining order because the guy was, at that point, staying off our property and hadn't assaulted either of us yet. Of course as soon as the temporary order expired that's exactly what he did. By that point he was already going to jail for assaulting and harassing someone else (much worse - that guy ended up in the ER with multiple concussions) so we just waited until the police picked him up on a bench warrant.

Unfortunately, we discovered that the father and son are two peas in a pod, so we're still stuck living next to one psycho. Fortunately he's old and doesn't abuse drugs the way his son does.

[RotseCherut]

You do not need to video tape her to get a restraining order, as the above poster said. IF you complain enough times and the police have reasonable belief the person is harassing you and trespassing on your property, they can be arrested and a judge will issue the order.

Don't let people push you around.. You are in America now and people must know their rights and must stand up for themselves. If I was you in this situation, the person would be hoping not to ever see me again and believe me I would have called the police a long time ago and the person would never enter my house without the fight of their life. In other words, it would probably not be worth it for this nutjob to pursue whatever vendetta she has against you and will be on to her next victim.

[Huckleberry3911948]

very very unhealthy relationship. these are not your friends disengage asap.

[mkarch]

Originally Posted by RotseCherut

You do not need to video tape her to get a restraining order, as the above poster said. IF you complain enough times and the police have reasonable belief the person is harassing you and trespassing on your property, they can be arrested and a judge will issue the order.

You don't need to video, but it is more valuable than hearsay evidence. One problem I ran into being on the far western edge of the city was with police response times. If there's no active threat, it's a lower priority call. So if someone is merely losing their mind and acting like a lunatic, there's a good chance they'll have time to cool down or leave before police arrive. That's why you should take video and make sure the audio is intelligible.

Get witnesses. Preferably ones that aren't relatives of yours.

[RotseCherut]

Originally Posted by mkarch

You don't need to video, but it is more valuable than hearsay evidence. One problem I ran into being on the far western edge of the city was with police response times. If there's no active threat, it's a lower priority call. So if someone is merely losing their mind and acting like a lunatic, there's a good chance they'll have time to cool down or leave before police arrive. That's why you should take video and make sure the audio is intelligible.

Get witnesses. Preferably ones that aren't relatives of yours.

It definitely never hurts to have video.. I just didn't want the OP to think that if they don't have video proving what has happened that they are dead in the water. Indeed, video taping the entire ordeal would be wonderful, if it is feasible. Obviously, a battered ex-wife or a person in fear of their life, may not have the luxury of being able to record the threatening person, but still can find other ways to prove to the police their safety is being threatened.

Witnesses and video/audio recordings are the best defense in the court room, without a doubt.


Also, if a person is pounding on your door, demanding to come inside, your phone call to the police should be something like, "I have a threatening person at my door trying to force their way in, they may be armed, my life is in danger. I also am armed (if you actually are, even a baseball bat counts)." Usually, that will result in a response time much quicker by law enforcement, then calling and saying "My neighbor is at my door and giving me a hard time."

I had a neighbor back when I lived in Springfield, OR a long time ago come and smash on my door threatening to kill me and told me to come outside. I called the police and said my life was in danger and to send somebody quickly. Yeah, it took them a little while to arrive (like 20 minutes), they did knock on his door and question. I could have pressed charges possibly, but decided to handle things between us when he cooled down from his drunken rage.

[Polymorphist]

Originally Posted by mkarch

^ No, restraining orders are not easy to get. The police even charged our neighbor's son with harassment and a judge would still not issue a permanent restraining order because the guy was, at that point, staying off our property and hadn't assaulted either of us yet. Of course as soon as the temporary order expired that's exactly what he did.

It does come down to the judge. One of the problems with restraining orders is that because hearsay is allowed then often many ROs are found to be bogus or grossly inflated. Quite a few people use ROs as a way to control or get even with someone when there actually isn't a real problem. There has been some push-back by the legal system to start scrutinizing them more. Criminal cases involve a prosecutor and lawyers, but RO cases often don't and the judge may hear several of them in a single day, most will issue them as a matter of CYA more than anything else. Sounds like in the above situation there was actually an order in place, albeit a temporary one. An RO is meant to send a message and it's a civil action rather than a criminal one. If there is a bigger problem, then that needs to be addressed, which in your case it sounds like it was resulting in a criminal charge of harassment.

But I wouldn't disuade the OP and his neighbor from checking into it in this case, it's just another tool to use if they feel that they need to. Hearsay is allowed in a restraining order hearing while it is not in a criminal case. Documentation and witnesses help, but being very adamant to a judge also helps a great deal. But even if one isn't issued, it does still send a clear message to the other party that you'll drag them into court and not put up with BS so they'd better get their behavior together.