Why are Seatte/Puget Sound girls such flakes and so picky? - dating scene sucks here (Seattle: real estate, apartments)

[Rombus]

Originally Posted by SeattleSnowFlakes

I am an honest and hard working guy.

I have had difficulty dating here in Seattle or greater Puget Sound area because I have tried internet dating and this city is worse off than my home city in California.

OK, this will sound like I am being a wise-guy but I am not. The Seattle area is expensive to live in, is cold and damp at least 8 months out of the year and seems like a bad place to find a woman who wants to date you. So....

Why do you stay here? I mean that only as a way to get you to question why you are in the Seattle area.

My now grown children left the Seattle area years ago because of high housing costs. The reality is that there are plenty of cities in the USA with good job prospects, reasonably priced housing, and, I'll bet, women looking for an honest and hard working guy. There is nothing magic about Seattle that makes it 'better' than cities in Oklahoma, Indiana, Texas, California, Georgia, etc.

The world is your oyster - seize it!

[Rombus]

FWIW, I am an older guy who has demographics working in my favor when it comes to finding a good women. we guys tend to die off faster once we get into our 50's. Still, 80% of the women I meet have no significant interest in me or I in them, and do not want to go out with me. The other 18 % will go out once or twice and them either she or I will call it off. I figure that about 2% of the women I meet will actually be interested in me and I in them.

So, I labor along, looking for the pearl that is out there and will be well worth the time and effort.

Unless a guy is very good looking, very famous or extremely wealthy - or preferably some combo of the three, I doubt if he should expect fast results.

My 2¢.

[Rombus]

Originally Posted by mishigas73

As a "lady of the Seattle/Puget Sound area", I can tell you from my personal experience that I avoid self-proclaimed "good guys" like the plague,

Yep, that is perhaps the best comment you will get.

Good Guys generally are to eager to please a woman. They submerge their own personality in a futile attempt to win the favor of a female. Always a mistake. That does not mean a man should be a selfish jerk, just be a polite and generous man who knows his mind.

"Susy, I want to visit the the Boat Show this Sunday. Would you like to come with me?" will get a guy a lot farther than trying to figure out what she likes and hoping you get it right.

[MondoTime]

Originally Posted by SeattleSnowFlakes

quit placing the blame on me

I am an honest and hard working guy.

I have had difficulty dating here in Seattle or greater Puget Sound area because I have tried internet dating

Dude, you can barely put two thoughts together (let alone coherent thoughts), so it is clear to identify what is holding you back.

Local women simply have thousands of better options, and they, as well as everybody else know(s) it.



If you are so clueless as to think that your local dating challenges have been because you tried internet dating, then you're just not bright enough to date successfully here.

[SeattleSnowFlakes]

Originally Posted by Rombus

OK, this will sound like I am being a wise-guy but I am not. The Seattle area is expensive to live in, is cold and damp at least 8 months out of the year and seems like a bad place to find a woman who wants to date you. So....

Why do you stay here? I mean that only as a way to get you to question why you are in the Seattle area.

My now grown children left the Seattle area years ago because of high housing costs. The reality is that there are plenty of cities in the USA with good job prospects, reasonably priced housing, and, I'll bet, women looking for an honest and hard working guy. There is nothing magic about Seattle that makes it 'better' than cities in Oklahoma, Indiana, Texas, California, Georgia, etc.

The world is your oyster - seize it!

^^ Easy said than done.

First of all, I moved here for my job opportunity. I was hoping to settle in here, and find a potential girlfriend and get married and start a family here.

I moved away from crappy Southern California where it's MORE expensive than here, and traffic is crazy.

Second, I face an uphill battle in terms of dating because I'm south Asian/East Indian ancestry. There is a lot of discrimination I face when doing online dating.

I even have had people at church groups and relatives pair me up with potential girls. Heck, I though in one instance that I was a good match for this girl. Only to have her not respond to my text messages. I was really pissed off!

So no, I'm not moving to Oklahoma, Texas and other boony areas where I will face MORE of an uphill battle in terms of finding a potential date.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by SeattleSnowFlakes

I have tried many avenues to date, ranging from online dating to being introduced to girls by relatives or church acquaintances. All of them seem to end up as a one-date occurence. Girls here tend to be flakes, that for sure.

You meet them for coffee and chat. you think that things will lead on. Only to have me ask the girl for a follow-up date, maybe walk around Pt Defiance Park or have lunch together, and the girl makes up excuses that she will meet up with co-workers on Saturday, and then you ask her if she's available other days and she makes excuses that Christmas Shopping is on her agenda.

It's possible you just haven't met the right girl, yet. How many of these first dates have you gone on? I've heard and read on many occasions that experts say you need to meet 100 people to find one that you really hit it off with. That's a lot of weeding and sifting. It's a big haystack, and you're looking for one or two needles in it. It takes a lot of patience. The other possibility is that you're doing something subtly off-putting. Are you an engaging conversationalist? Do you ask your dates about their interests? Not just hobbies or professional interests, but how they feel about life, their hopes, their goals? Or are you one of the guys (there are surprisingly many) who tend to dominate the conversation, making it all about themselves?

You still haven't told us what age group you're dating in. If you're using OLD, we can rule out highschool, and probably college-age. But why do you keep calling them "girls"? It's a little confusing. It sounds like you're still in your teens.

Originally Posted by SeattleSnowFlakes;

Yes, I have traveled to various cities on the left coast, and WA state girls in general tend to be flakes.

Again, someone is not a "flake" just because they're not attracted to you. If that were a valid critique, I could write off much of the male population in Seattle similarly. Also, it would probably help in your efforts if you lost the condescending attitude toward the Pacific region of the US. It may come across subtly in your interactions, unbeknownst to you, and put people off.

Do you have hobbies, activities you pursue outside of work that involve co-ed groups of any sort? Consider joining a hiking group (the Mountaineers has singles hikes), or rowing/canoeing/kayaking club, attend REI singles events (they have travel seminars and other activities, mixers in the winter), volunteer projects your church might be doing, volunteer for Habitat For Humanity (women volunteer, too, those that have carpentry skills), etc. Anything, to get you out and circulating.

By participating in a regularly-scheduled activity, you give others a chance to get to know you over time, in a low-key environment where you're sharing a common interest. It can work. Like anything in the dating world, it takes patience, but at least you'll be doing something enjoyable as you go along.

[mishigas73]

Originally Posted by SeattleSnowFlakes

I even have had people at church groups and relatives pair me up with potential girls. Heck, I though in one instance that I was a good match for this girl. Only to have her not respond to my text messages. I was really pissed off!

You were pissed because someone didn't want to go out with you?

Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't particularly want to be with you?

I think the vast majority of people, no matter their background or current location, have been in the position where they thought that there was chemistry and the other person didn't feel the same, for whatever reason. Sure, it's disappointing, but IMO, when it gets to the point where one gets "pissed off" about it, they should be doing some self-reflection.

I'm sure you realize that no one owes you (the general "you") a second date. Just as you have the power of choice as to who you date, so too does the other person. If you feel that someone is being rude, or flaky, because they don't want to go out with you again, perhaps a change in your attitude is in order.

As a suggestion, maybe you should start with coming to understand that no one in the world owes you "a chance".

[Blondebaerde]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

Just move on and keep trying. Women go through this as well; some don't even get first dates, others rarely get to Date #2, or if they do, they find out Date # 2 is expected to be about sex, and so on--lots of issues.

So, develop a thicker skin, and just keep trying, like most people. It has nothing to do with geography, btw; dating is like that everywhere in the US.

Ruth, you well know OP is his worst enemy, as are all guys like that. Closet-cases, socially speaking. Very obviously nothing is radically different anywhere else in the U.S. RE the dating scene.

He only goes on first dates because clearly half the women in Seattle aren't interested in a second. Asking "why" and solving the issues are the first, last, and only topics he needs to be working on.

Best friend's soon-to-be fiancee (I suspect) just set me up with her friend's friend because she knows us both pretty well. If it will "work" or not is TBD, but hey: point being is it's good to have enough personality to be thought of as "dateable" by others as Step 1.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Blondebaerde

Ruth, you well know OP is his worst enemy, as are all guys like that. Closet-cases, socially speaking. Very obviously nothing is radically different anywhere else in the U.S. RE the dating scene.

He only goes on first dates because clearly half the women in Seattle aren't interested in a second. Asking "why" and solving the issues are the first, last, and only topics he needs to be working on.

Best friend's soon-to-be fiancee (I suspect) just set me up with her friend's friend because she knows us both pretty well. If it will "work" or not is TBD, but hey: point being is it's good to have enough personality to be thought of as "dateable" by others as Step 1.

Well, I was trying to give the OP the benefit of the doubt, in the absence of any concrete info that he tends to sink his own ship. But, blaming others for being "flakey" when they just don't happen to be interested in your is weird. It's not a normal thought process. So, there's that....

[CrazyDonkey]

Originally Posted by SeattleSnowFlakes

Second, I face an uphill battle in terms of dating because I'm south Asian/East Indian ancestry. There is a lot of discrimination I face when doing online dating.

Well, in that case, both the gender and racial ratios are working against you. Seattle is about 70% Caucasian. Are you dating within the "South Asian/East Indian" community? Have you tried Bellevue?