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Well, I’m back. Spring is rapidly turning into summer here in Covington. Weather is in the 80’s. The female ducks have yellow balls of fluff following them around, the azaleas have burst into riotous bloom and the daily rain showers have started.
HOW DARE EVERYTHING BE NORMAL! My world shattered when my husband of 32 years died. I spent an entire month staggering about acting like a zombie. Another month dealing with medicorps and state bureaucrats while probating the estate. Now I am trying to fit the pieces of my life back together and guess what – they won’t fit. Some pieces are missing, some have changed shape. I am angry and I want everyone to feel like I do. How the world continue unchanged!
Considering how my husband’s death affected me, I am beginning to doubt that I can deal with TEOTWAWKI. I am not sure I want to. I cannot imagine living in a world full of people who feel like I do now. There is a need in me to lash out, to make everyone else feel my pain. Multiplying this by the number of people in my area . . . . .
I don’t think the authorities will be able to handle the anger that people will feel when everything normal disappears. I will not try to make anyone else feel my pain, but what about other people? When there is no medical care and people are in physical pain; when there are no stores to run to for supplies; when people are forced to become independent; how long before the anger surfaces?
I can see a situation of Katrina multiplied. Angry people taking what they feel they should have. I would like to think that people will pull together to survive, but I don’t think that will happen. I think too many people have been raised to believe that someone should be holding a safety net for them.
It’s good to be back – keep your guns clean and your ammo stocked up!
Countrysue, so sorry to hear of your loss! In my opinion, only the loss of a child could possibly match the loss of a spouse!
YES your world is upside down right now, but it won't be forever. I, too, have lost others who were close to me -- we all have. We never forget them, but the pain does become less acute over time. Life will again be worth living. God would not ask us to bear more than we can bear. These are not platitudes, but truths.
Your anger will subside in time. You will grow to understand that your husband is now happy, and that what you are angry about has more to do with yourself, not him. It takes time, so give yourself plenty of it.
TEOTWAWKI may or may not happen. That should be the least of your worries right now. Yes, things are still "normal". They may remain that way for a good long while yet. If you continue to find that you cannot deal with "normal", please consider grief counseling. People can and DO try to help each other, if we let them. You sound about ready for a change.
Meanwhile, welcome back! We hope you will find something here to engage you, if only for a little while!
Welcome back, CountrySue.
I've missed you.
Of course you are angry, hurt and frustrated after such a miserable devastating loss. Who wouldn't be? Add on the top the stupid and endless bureaucracies, and yes, violence sometimes seems to be the best way to get everyone to wake up and - just do their freaking JOBS! Or at least snatching them by their shoulders and shaking them while screaming in their faces - HEY! WAKE UP, MORON!
Sadly, it might make you feel better if you could - but it won't change them. Every time they make something idiot-proof, an improved idiot comes along.
I too have questioned if life is really worth living at times; if all my preparations and investments of time and education and money are worth the expenditure of myself. Then I'll step out and find out that one of the cows has a new calf, and watch how the herd behaves - loving and protective, and yet letting me be a part of their 'herd' (since I feed them). It's worth it to sit quietly out there in the barns with the moms and babies, or watch a chick hatch out. It's worth it to walk out into the pasture and have the herd gather around, shoving their heads under my hands, demanding to be scratched, knowing that they count on me. It's worth it to dig in the dirt and plant little almost invisible seed and have a plant come up that I can harvest.
It's the little things. I hope you can get centered again soon, and that the pain becomes less.
As for the rest of those idiots out there - both the bureaucrats and the ones who are floating along with no thought of tomorrow - Eff them. In the big scheme of things, they won't/don't matter. Or at least, soon won't.
Welcome back CountrySue. As you may remember the day you posted about your loss, I posted that all these things you are still experiencing are normal. You are doing well and your last sentence above says so. Share your experience. It can help others.
Most of us know what is coming. It isn't going to be pretty. It is our duty to keep on keeping on. It is our duty to prepare. How many really want to live in cities? For those who do, take a look at the city of Sarajevo. They had the Winter Olympics. The city was beautiful with restaurants, art shops and fine hotels. Read the recent history that followed the Olympics. Civilization is fragile and ordinary people do not deal well with inconvenience. There were no privately owned firearms in Sarajevo.
I have been in Cambodia. The Asian Games were held in Phnom Penh. It was a beautiful city. Then Pol Pot systematically killed all the teachers, administrators and anybody with eyeglasses. There were no privately owned firearms in Cambodia.
Hang in there CountrySue. You and people like you are leaders. You did not ask for this role, but you have this role. Your endurance and kindness are an inspiration to those who are willing to learn. Bless you.
Sue, good to see you back. Sorry you got a taste of hard, but it does happen to all of us at some point.
If my old pieces fit I am not sure what i would do.
I like how Northern Maine Land Man says " Your endurance and kindness are an inspiration to those who are willing to learn." Please be well...... mac
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