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I am wondering what those of you with young (pre-k or kindergarten age) autistic kids do for their birthdays?
I have a son who turns 5 early next year. He is loving and happy, but also autistic and has related issues- he is almost completely non-verbal, not even close to potty trained, not good in groups or sitting still, plays well along others but not with them, and is sensory avoidant to noise. So yeah, big crowds are an issue. THanksgiving was pretty bad, we left my in-laws half way through dinner because the stimming wouldn't stop and the melt-downs started.
My son also has a NT twin sister, who is very much looking forward to her birthday already and thinking about what theme to have etc. This year, we had a joint birthday party for them at Gymboree. They modified it to play the music quietly and not do the musical instrument parade, and it worked pretty well but to the singing of happy birthday, and then the candles totally freaked him. But since then his fear/ meltdown based on loud environments has gotten worse (though he has a few words now and walks better hand-in-hand).
Anyways... frankly, I have considered having a birthday party for his sister (with friends etc), while my husband takes care of our son, and not having a party for him (he also doesn;t really have friends). Then maybe a day where we arrange for a babysitter for the girls and take out our son, just him and us parents. I think he would like that better, and of course he'd still get cake after his sister's party. But part of me feels awful about treating them differently, even though they ARE different. And it doesn't seem fair to stop the sister from having a big/ loud/ whatever party because the brother wouldn't want one, especially as they both like dinosaurs so there is a ready joint theme.
I'm rambling.. been up since 3am as son also won;t sleep,... anyways, input appreciated.
I think that's particularly hard because of the twins aspect of it.
For me, my older (typical) daughter was having birthday parties with friends since she was 2. Both her own and others that she was invited to. My youngest is 3.5 and doesn't really have any friends. She has not had a birthday party of her own yet, besides a family party, and has only been invited to one (of a classmate), which she only participated in peripherally. I don't feel any pressure to have a kid party for her because she doesn't really have friends and hasn't expressed interest in having a party.
The twin aspect does make it trickier. But you wouldn't want to force him into a loud, crowded situation if he doesn't do well; and you wouldn't want to deprive your daughter of a party if that's what she would like. I think there are many different ways to celebrate birthdays. I don't see anything wrong with separating them like you said.
The twin aspect does make it trickier. But you wouldn't want to force him into a loud, crowded situation if he doesn't do well; and you wouldn't want to deprive your daughter of a party if that's what she would like. I think there are many different ways to celebrate birthdays. I don't see anything wrong with separating them like you said.
I agree. Two different celebrations seem the best way to proceed.
Regardless of the twin aspect - if you had a girl that was into all things sparkly and pink and princessy, and a boy who was into dump trucks and mud and mess, you wouldn't think of having a joint party.
You have a girl who is social, and is into noise and crowds and busyness. So give her a party that is noisy and crowded and busy.
You have a boy who likes quiet and calm. So, do something quiet and calm with him.
It's not about treating them differently, it really is about treating them the same. You are catering to their interests, and their preferences. That IS treating them the same, what is different is their interests, their preferences.
I agree with two different events. He sounds like he would be happier not being at a party that your daughter would love and he would benefit from getting solo time with both parents for "his" event.
Regardless of the twin aspect - if you had a girl that was into all things sparkly and pink and princessy, and a boy who was into dump trucks and mud and mess, you wouldn't think of having a joint party.
You have a girl who is social, and is into noise and crowds and busyness. So give her a party that is noisy and crowded and busy.
You have a boy who likes quiet and calm. So, do something quiet and calm with him.
It's not about treating them differently, it really is about treating them the same. You are catering to their interests, and their preferences. That IS treating them the same, what is different is their interests, their preferences.
Yes -- a loud party will only cause him stress so just don't make him do that.
Whether you choose to have your child labeled or not, you should consider the personality and preferences of the child and if you notice your child melts down in crowded places or isn't very social, you just accomodate your child the best you can.
We obviously do not have the twin situation, but even though my now 18 year old is very high functioning, he has never in his life wanted a birthday party. So I do what he wants, which is usually take him and 1 or 2 very good friends out to dinner and maybe to a fair/carnival (his birthday is mid-summer). He doesn't care for things like movies or amusement parks, so I have never taken him to those places. He usually requests to hit some kind of buffet so he can eat without waiting and see all the food before he selects it.
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