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We are kind of in a quandary over this and want to see if anyone else has experience with this. My spouse is interviewing for a promotion at work that would greatly elevate both her job status and income. Only downside is that we would probably have to relocate out of state for 3-4 years, then move back. Currently live about 90 minutes away, so if there is an emergency we can be at his apartment in a few hours. The promotion would put us a 4 hour plane flight away.
My step-child is in their late 20's, autistic but on the higher functioning side of the spectrum. They have lived independently for over 6 years. Works simple janitorial jobs and combined with disability checks is able to afford a small one bedroom apartment. We have access to checking his bank balance, so we always make sure that he is spending his money wisely and has enough for rent & food. A social service agency comes over a couple of times a week to take them grocery shopping and to make sure all is well. In addition we have family members that check in and take him to church and out for lunch.
Right now he likes to call us on the phone to talk for 10-15 minutes every day. If we see him in person he likes to spend at best about an hour with us. Taking him to lunch is enough personal time for him. When he comes to visit us, he spends most of it alone in our guest room and then comes out for short 20 minute visits throughout the day.
Has anyone else had experience with moving away from an adult autistic child for a few years?
There are a lot of parents living a long distance like that. It appears he has established an "adult" life for himself.
This is going to be a very personal decision for you and your wife to make. Only you and your wife know how this will affect everyone. Probably 1/2 the people would go for it and 1/2 would not.
Are you being pressured by anyone to decide one way or the other?
There are a lot of parents living a long distance like that. It appears he has established an "adult" life for himself.
This is going to be a very personal decision for you and your wife to make. Only you and your wife know how this will affect everyone. Probably 1/2 the people would go for it and 1/2 would not.
Are you being pressured by anyone to decide one way or the other?
We are not being pressured to move away at all. My wife works a federal job and this promotion (if she gets it) would give her a grade increase as well as a substantial increase in pay. Right now we have grandparents and other relatives that are young enough to still keep an eye on him, plus they all live within 10 minutes of his apartment. In 4-5 years this will not be the case. So our plan is to transfer, get the raise and promotion then move back to our home state in a few years. This promotion will allow us to purchase a condo or townhouse for him to live in, which has been his dream for the past 8 years. Our son is pretty independent, likes to be by himself and if we do visit him we are never in his apartment for longer than 20 minutes before he starts asking us when we need to leave.
Finding out for sure about the promotion next week, so all of this speculation may be moot.
I think it would be fine and taking care of the "financial" end the best you can is a big part of having a child with special needs.
Our son is lower functioning and non-verbal and is still at home. We have been looking at residential "situations" and we see many higher functioning adults doing quite well in the programs, some much more independent than others. Left up to me, if the job and move is good for you as a couple, I would say go for it.
In truth, I realize someday we won't be here for our son, so testing the waters of how that works out before it is the reality can help put one's mind at ease.
I didn't really mean pressure to take the job, but pressure from other family members that might think this wasn't the right decision although it sounds like they are there for you all.
We are kind of in a quandary over this and want to see if anyone else has experience with this. My spouse is interviewing for a promotion at work that would greatly elevate both her job status and income. Only downside is that we would probably have to relocate out of state for 3-4 years, then move back. Currently live about 90 minutes away, so if there is an emergency we can be at his apartment in a few hours. The promotion would put us a 4 hour plane flight away.
My step-child is in their late 20's, autistic but on the higher functioning side of the spectrum. They have lived independently for over 6 years. Works simple janitorial jobs and combined with disability checks is able to afford a small one bedroom apartment. We have access to checking his bank balance, so we always make sure that he is spending his money wisely and has enough for rent & food. A social service agency comes over a couple of times a week to take them grocery shopping and to make sure all is well. In addition we have family members that check in and take him to church and out for lunch.
Right now he likes to call us on the phone to talk for 10-15 minutes every day. If we see him in person he likes to spend at best about an hour with us. Taking him to lunch is enough personal time for him. When he comes to visit us, he spends most of it alone in our guest room and then comes out for short 20 minute visits throughout the day.
Has anyone else had experience with moving away from an adult autistic child for a few years?
Eventually you will be a lot "further" than a 4 hour plane flight away. You will be a life away.
Has your step-son ever not had physical contact with his Mom or you for any length of time? How will he feel when he cannot come in person to see you at will.
Can you set up skype for him? Or arrange for a relative to help him skype with you?
It sounds like you have a lot of the ground work laid for this to be successful. Hoping for the best for you.
Has your step-son ever not had physical contact with his Mom or you for any length of time? How will he feel when he cannot come in person to see you at will.
Can you set up skype for him? Or arrange for a relative to help him skype with you?
It sounds like you have a lot of the ground work laid for this to be successful. Hoping for the best for you.
We tend to see him in spurts, but the longest time without seeing him physically has been about 3-4 months.
He just got a tablet for Christmas, so trying to get him to that point. Still prefers old flip-phones or landlines for talking on the phone with us.
Part of the moving equation is budgeting a few plane tickets a year for him to come out and for us to fly home.
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