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Then 20 years later, he found me on FB and sent me a PM. I will never know why he was so obsessed with me.
Very similar experience. I don't use Facebook but have had the same email address for 25+ years. At first, the idea of a friendly, (supposedly) mature "ex" contacting me was kinda, sorta, not-really-but-sorta flattering. Then the creepy part started. I heard about the recent arrest of ex' spouse for battery. For reasons unnecessary to go into, and giving all the latitude in the world for "behind closed doors," I could not believe for a single minute 1) the battery; 2) the humiliating, degrading, life-changing arrest. Thanked ex for contacting me and sending recent picture, and ended contact.
Flash-forward a year. It's ex. This time it's less pleasant. I end the conversation faster. Then--wow. An abusive email about my character, my this, my that, so out of the blue, I block ex, but before blocking, send email about what I really thought about our relationship so many years ago.
Flash-forward another year. Blood runs cold when I find email from ex at an email address that was never disclosed. I did not respond but have kept it in my inbox. Moral of the Story: There was a reason an ex is an ex.
Quote:
Although I don't know why online group you were posting on, some moderators will delete your profile or ban you, if you report harassment. They will do nothing to the person who does the harassment. Some of these places even encourage cyber bulling; one forum that I used for a while wouldn't allow posters to ask someone to stop posting to them. It was considered a violation of terms of service if you asked someone to leave you alone! The more people who use these sites, the more money they get. Sometimes they even employ trolls to stir things up and get more people posting there.
Truer words! I find the particular social media site where the "stalking" has been occurring invaluable. I won't be bullied off it or change my (anonymous) user name. But since the experience that made me post the original post here on this thread, I have monitored my activity there and curtailed it. Sometimes people don't realize what their online activity says about them without their having to "say" a word. Over the holidays, I spent much more time than I usually do on the site. That, along with my unpopular opinion on the particular subject under discussion (I committed the horrible faux pas of quoting the Bible), made me vulnerable to "loser," "insane," "f***ed up"--not to forget the wonderful weekly private messages from users who seemed to have no other posts on the forum.
I believe that some social media sites want to inspire acrimony. Everything you say here is right.
Last edited by Purplecow; 01-24-2018 at 06:09 AM..
Reason: clarification
Truer words! I find the particular social media site where the "stalking" has been occurring invaluable. I won't be bullied off it or change my (anonymous) user name. But since the experience that made me post the original post here on this thread, I have monitored my activity there and curtailed it. Sometimes people don't realize what their online activity says about them without their having to "say" a word. Over the holidays, I spent much more time than I usually do on the site. That, along with my unpopular opinion on the particular subject under discussion (I committed the horrible faux pas of quoting the Bible), made me vulnerable to "loser," "insane," "f***ed up"--not to forget the wonderful weekly private messages from users who seemed to have no other posts on the forum.
I believe that some social media sites want to inspire acrimony. Everything you say here is right.
Yes, they definitely do want to inspire acrimony. It gets more people posting, which helps pay for the ads they run and such. Also, be aware of when a poster tries to get you to talk about something not really relevant to the topic. This is a red flag.
I've never had an ex-BF contact me on social media, but I keep my privacy settings very strict. I did have a friend who told me I had "ruined her life" when I briefly dated her ex-bf many years ago. At the time she told me this, it was 15 years later and we had both (her and I) married other people and had families and maintained our friendship. That she was still pining away for this man after 15 years was rather sad. And it didn't make sense, as I didn't wind up with him. He married someone else and my friend would call him until his wife asked her to stop calling. And the man had also been physically and verbally abusive, so if anything, I would think she'd be glad she did not wind up with him. My point about this is, I don't understand why a person will obsess over someone. When it goes on for years, it's really a problem.
This is exactly the line of reasoning I presented to the police. "I" (meaning the impersonator) targeted stories online about any hot-button social/racial issue in the area, and then posted comments that would bait opponents to whatever happened to be at stake. I begged the District Attorney for help specifically because "I" baited 1) gay community leaders; 2) minorities new to the area; 3) fill-in-the-blank. "I" even posted a photograph of a minor unknown to me giving the three-finger salute, to show how "disrespectful" the entire minority group is. This was terrifying.
The D.A. told me to go to the town mayor if the police chief wouldn't help, which I did. I got no help then (early 2016) and did not know that the mayor, an elderly tavern owner, is reputed to have a drinking problem. He was re-elected handily in November's mid-terms.
I have learned I'm not the only citizen the police chief has singled out at random for conduct so unbecoming. One guy won a settlement against him in state court for a matter so unique, identifying it might identify me. This guy wasn't even a resident of our municipality, just passing through. I learned about it when this menace to society pulled off the road one afternoon to help me with yardwork.
My point is to let anyone who might read this thread know that online impersonation is a "gift" that just might keep on giving. Never, ever, post your photo and name together online. If anyone here believes in the power of prayer, I'd appreciate a short request to the Man Upstairs that in the coming months, I find a place where this ugliest of memories can fade, because the police took what was bad and made it so much worse. I'd appreciate a prayer that I find a place where law enforcement are kind and great examples of their profession.
God bless.
Honestly, it doesn't matter if you post your real name or not...Everyone is easily found if you have the knowledge. Email addresses are easily found as well...
Truly, there is not much the police can do. Most IS a civil issue. Unless someone is threatening you with physical harm...they cannot answer to every case of someone mouthing off online.
Can I ask...and please know, I'm not minimizing your fear...why do you care what some lunatic on the internet says about you? (I'm just now reading someone used your name online?) Have you contacted the mods? PM are not necessarily private so they may be able to help. Have you blocked them etc?
Thanks for the reply. This thread started with me asking if others had ever had unknown "stalkers" online. Various comments segued to different scenarios, which prompted me to tell about the year of being impersonated online with my real name and photo. Two different and unrelated incidents.
Intellectually, I don't care at all what lunatics say. My blood pressure is another thing. When your inbox is ambushed at periodical intervals by a lunatic with some ax to grind, and you believe it's finally forgotten, impossible it should be otherwise. Time passes, and--wow--this total stranger will not let go. Sure, your mind can say "you're nuts, whoever you are," but your emotional reflexes are still vulnerable to a shock.
Last edited by Purplecow; 01-24-2018 at 10:45 AM..
Do you not have a way to block whomever is stalking you?
Most forums have that feature. I don't think I would like to participate on a forum that didn't.
I made the OP here on City-Data the same day I found out the other website allowed blocking private messages from people you don't know. That will make my Thursdays at approximately 2 p.m. much nicer.
I made the OP here on City-Data the same day I found out the other website allowed blocking private messages from people you don't know. That will make my Thursdays at approximately 2 p.m. much nicer.
I think it's great when a site has a blocking feature. I have blocked several people on my social media over the years. It was actually a very freeing experience for me to do that. Like wadding up a piece of trash and throwing it away.
I've also known people who were upset because they were blocked, nine times out of ten, it was because they really had been rude to someone or had stalked someone.
I think it's great when a site has a blocking feature. I have blocked several people on my social media over the years. It was actually a very freeing experience for me to do that. Like wadding up a piece of trash and throwing it away.
I've also known people who were upset because they were blocked, nine times out of ten, it was because they really had been rude to someone or had stalked someone.
I have a theory. It’s just my theory. The more bells and whistles a website has, the more graphics, the greater the chance it will attract unstable people. City-Data is so graphics-minimal, it’s the closest you can get in 2018 to a pen pal!
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