Facing unavoidable opposition (french, meat, animal, tuna)

[crazyme4878]

So I moved a few months ago to a extremely small and remote town. I say this, because there is no avoiding people here, so that can't be the answer to my issue.

For the first time, I have encountered true distain for my diet choices. There are two women, both with children my sons' ages. One, also new, has slacked off, but at first she was telling me "you can't be so strict." However, my main issue is with a women that has been here for over a decade and is one of those people that think they know everything (and know it best). I was stuck alone with her for a couple days at a school function and she turned the talk toward vegetarianism and veganism (our family is lacto-ovo). She says that we are at least healthier because we get some animal products, but every vegan she has known is not healthy and gets sick all the time. She went on some time on this subject, even after I told her conversationally, "Really? I know a lot of vegans and they are so healthy it makes me jealous." and, "Well, it is possible to be unhealthy whatever your diet is...there are junkfood vegetarians." And continued on, even after she admitted she didn't know that many vegans!

Anyhow, even though she was polite enough not to come out and say that a vegetarian diet is wrong and unhealthy, it did seem clear to me that is what she thought. (I know, I could be completely wrong and she may just take issue with veganism, but I'm usually pretty good at reading people and that definitely was not the vibe I was getting.) I even added in that my boys' have been to numerous doctors and they said they were as healthy as can be.

She has previously asked me about hunting (it is a big hunting area and they own a taxidermist shop) and I told her point blank that my husband and I support hunting, saying that if you are going to eat meat that is one of the best ways.

SO...sorry for the long intro. I'm a bit flabbergasted because we purposely never criticize another family's diet or enter into discussions on the merits of vegetarianism unless directly led that direction by the other person (and even then I usually only talk about with people I have known awhile). And, amazingly enough, I have never encountered this attitude before by someone that I know and have a somewhat relationship with. Oh, and this woman doesn't have more than a high school diploma. I mean, she might have studied a lot of diet and nutrition on her own, but it is not like she is a doctor, nutritionist, or whatnot, but proclaims 'facts', judgments, and opinions in an absolute voice.

I'm sure many of you have encountered this before. Can you enlighten me? Even if it is just sharing sob stories, I would appreciate not feeling alone. Right now I feel a smoldering anger at her attitude toward me (well, that also has to do with a few other choice things she had to say on different topics...argh!).

[groar]

unfortunately the only way to really deal with this is to avoid the subject if possible, calmly state your case when confronted, and laugh it off when you're done. if at some point you get to know her better, or if it gets really unbearable and she won't leave you alone, you might say something like "look, i don't lecture you about your diet, please don't lecture me about mine".

my mom is like this to a lesser degree, which is kind of funny because we grew up eating very little meat and my grandma would feed us kids steaks every time we saw her because she thought we were going to die of malnutrition. we don't get into arguments, but she makes little comments all the time. plus she's my mom and i know what she's thinking, even from her facial expressions. i dread what she'll say if i ever have a child.

you're certainly not alone - i don't think there are many vegetarians who haven't been preached at by meat-eaters. being different always attracts attention, both positive and negative, and makes people feel like they have a right to comment on what you do.

you know you're right, just be assured in that and don't worry about what she thinks.

[JJingle]

I've had similar conversations more times than I want to remember. I always make a point of telling the person that each person needs to make the right choice for them, and this is what works best for me. And, then I attempt to change the subject. Doesn't always work but I refuse to get into verbal disagreements with anyone that is closed-minded and uneducated on veganism and/or vegetarianism.

[SXMGirl]

I must live in a vacuum because I have never had that type of conversation. However, I also refuse to get into verbal disagreements with anyone who does not live in my home.

[plaidmom]

Originally Posted by crazyme4878

one of those people that think they know everything (and know it best).

I think your "problem" may be less about being vegetarian and more about being new in town. If she's a "know it all" she's probably already offended 90%of the population. I get the feeling (just a gut thing) that you are her newest target.

Next time she gets on a rant, just nod and smile and look over her shoulder absent-mindedly. Practice saying "Really?" and "My, my!". Then change the topic or, better yet, find a way to excuse yourself and go talk to someone else.

Good luck!

[20yrsinBranson]

Originally Posted by crazyme4878

So I moved a few months ago to a extremely small and remote town. I say this, because there is no avoiding people here, so that can't be the answer to my issue.

For the first time, I have encountered true distain for my diet choices. There are two women, both with children my sons' ages. One, also new, has slacked off, but at first she was telling me "you can't be so strict." However, my main issue is with a women that has been here for over a decade and is one of those people that think they know everything (and know it best). I was stuck alone with her for a couple days at a school function and she turned the talk toward vegetarianism and veganism (our family is lacto-ovo). She says that we are at least healthier because we get some animal products, but every vegan she has known is not healthy and gets sick all the time. She went on some time on this subject, even after I told her conversationally, "Really? I know a lot of vegans and they are so healthy it makes me jealous." and, "Well, it is possible to be unhealthy whatever your diet is...there are junkfood vegetarians." And continued on, even after she admitted she didn't know that many vegans!

Anyhow, even though she was polite enough not to come out and say that a vegetarian diet is wrong and unhealthy, it did seem clear to me that is what she thought. (I know, I could be completely wrong and she may just take issue with veganism, but I'm usually pretty good at reading people and that definitely was not the vibe I was getting.) I even added in that my boys' have been to numerous doctors and they said they were as healthy as can be.

She has previously asked me about hunting (it is a big hunting area and they own a taxidermist shop) and I told her point blank that my husband and I support hunting, saying that if you are going to eat meat that is one of the best ways.

SO...sorry for the long intro. I'm a bit flabbergasted because we purposely never criticize another family's diet or enter into discussions on the merits of vegetarianism unless directly led that direction by the other person (and even then I usually only talk about with people I have known awhile). And, amazingly enough, I have never encountered this attitude before by someone that I know and have a somewhat relationship with. Oh, and this woman doesn't have more than a high school diploma. I mean, she might have studied a lot of diet and nutrition on her own, but it is not like she is a doctor, nutritionist, or whatnot, but proclaims 'facts', judgments, and opinions in an absolute voice.

I'm sure many of you have encountered this before. Can you enlighten me? Even if it is just sharing sob stories, I would appreciate not feeling alone. Right now I feel a smoldering anger at her attitude toward me (well, that also has to do with a few other choice things she had to say on different topics...argh!).

Whenever someone criticizes me or the way I do *anything*, I simply give them a condescending smirk (as if to say..."obviously you don't have a clue") and REFUSE to engage them in conversation - changing the subject IMMEDIATELY.

I steadfastly refuse to talk with small-minded people who think they know more than I do about the way I choose to live my life.

Eventually, I probably would have stopped talking to her all together and brought a book with me about the vegan lifestyle. That would have right ticked her off, I'm sure.

People like her are NOT worth wasting your breath on.

20yrsinBranson

[Lilybeans]

I just think people don't know. Once she gets to know you, she'll realize you aren't a whacko. People are afraid af things they aren't familiar with.

[rainroosty]

" Oh, and this woman doesn't have more than a high school diploma."

So?

[redjan1225]

I know a few vegetarians and they all seem to get a little hot under the collar when someone questions their decision to be a vegetarian. I really think you shouldn't let this bother you. You know what diet works for you and for your family. Stick with that. I'd recommend changing the subject if she should bring up the topic again. Find a delicate way to let her know that she will not be influencing your lifestyle and let her choose whether or not she'd like to continue bantering. I think many moms like to tell other moms how to better raise their kids when they have no right to do so. Like we all need more mother-in-laws in our lives??

I have known healthy vegetarians and vegans, and I have also known unhealthy ones. I've known vegetarians who consider french fries a good option for avoiding animal products, and I've had an encounter with a vegan family who nearly starved their three young children to death by not ensuring proper nutrition for them and wound up in jail and lost custody of their kids. Whatever your diet choice may be, ensuring proper nourishment for you and your family is all that should matter.

[crazyme4878]

Thanks everyone. I did just try to let her go with a lot of 'ohs' and such. Sometimes you just want to come at them, you know? But it is usually the nod, nod response from me!

I just have to say that this made me chuckle:

Originally Posted by redjan1225

Like we all need more mother-in-laws in our lives??

Originally Posted by rainroosty

" Oh, and this woman doesn't have more than a high school diploma."

So?

I was saying that in reference that she doesn't have a degree in nutrution or a medical field so her etched-in-stone opinions don't carry the weight of formal education on the subject. That's all.