Not Accepted

[Lookingforasafehome]

Wow, I appauld you Mom, cause I feel the same exact way bout raising my child and we live in a lower income area that is now actually mid to uppper income due to the increased values of homes. Hate to say it, but there are way more children here who are disrespectful, unsupervised and very well illmannered and that is putting it mildly. Oddly enough, I have a southern accent but am from the north and yet I never had any run ins with my accent, but I am sure there are some who do have that problem, as you have. My gripe is more less with people like some on here who outwardly tell northerns to stay up north, and I can tell your not like that person on here, I am sorry to hear of your experiences, mine are mostly from upper class women who have nothing else better to do than to sign up for crusies, get their nails done every week and who look down on me, cause I am not of the elite around here.

And for a long time, I had allowed this unruly child to invade our home, cause I felt sorry for my child who had no playmates, but I got really uspet that her mom allowed her to stay all hours, run the streets (we have 2 sexual offenders very close by) scream and yell in the streets, hit my child, steal from us, lie and etc...and then tell me that there is nothing she can do for her child, at only 6 years old, and that she is going to be this way so she gave up. In the meantime, she only talked to me when she had to leave her home, never invited me over, had her over for dinner, coffee and etc, but only used me for child care sitting services, well no more, for one, It was very unfair to me , and secondly, her child was harming mine, so it had to stop.

Now, that I do not "sit" for her for free anymore, she seldom waves to me, guess I am not useful to her anymore...good riddens.

[ESQ2B]

Hi there!
I just wanted to let you know that I totally understand where you are coming from. I moved all over the country when I was very young. When I was about 10 or 11 my family moved to the south--North Carolina.
I was NEVER accepted because I did not have a southern accent--yes, I made friends but I ALWAYS felt like an outsider. Well for reasons that were not in my control I ended up staying in the NC, VA area for 30 years. I wanted to move to New England we went there every summer and believe me--I was treated VERY differently there.
I was considered to be gorgeous, hot, great personality, very popular there but when I went "home", I was the exact same person but felt like an outsider all over again. It was very strange.
I FINALLY came north and I LOVE it!!!! Southerners tend to be fake and southern hospitality is also FAKE. Sure, more people hold the door open for you but they don't anything to do with you, not really, unless you meet someone who is genuine and a truly good person who doesn't care where you are from or how you talk.
Go, home--is my suggestion. Sure a lot of northerners live in the south now...so if you can find them, then hang out with them. They will accept you for who you are or not right away but at least you will know and not have to play games for months or even years thinking "I thought this was a nice person. Huh...that's strange." Just wanted to let you know of my experience. I hope everything works out well for you.

[Rhett_Butler]

Originally Posted by Lookingforasafehome

My dream is to live in Alexandria, Va one day. I love the accepting atmosphere up there, the culture, just bout everything bout that area appeals to me.

Well, I guess this proves that one person's dream is another's nightmare...

Seriously, brush up on your politics if you want to be "accepted" in Alexandria. At least that's my experience with the area...

[Rhett_Butler]

To some extent I'd agree that Southern hospitality is largely surface, but there's nothing strange about that really.... Southerners tend to be kind to strangers (at least moreso than their northern counterparts IMO)... That doesn't mean moving there is going to get you invited to tea or anything though. It's a different set of values. Yeah, they care if maybe you pop off with some foul language. They care and maybe wonder about you if you go to a different church or don't go at all. They care and wonder maybe if you're a single mother (well, maybe not so much anymore, but..... ) .

Anyway, there's still the remnants of a social "code" of sorts. It's much more hypocritical than it used to be because day after day people get exposed for not being quite so "proper" as they claim to expect from others.....

At least in some areas up north, they don't care, they don't like you and they don't have any pretense about making that quite clear to you...

[Patsfan20]

Originally Posted by NotAccepted1

I am originally from New Jersey currently living in North Carolina I came to this state looking for that so called "southern hospatality" which i never got!! I have a slight accent and once the southern woman heard it they all ran from me!! I was VERY dissapointed because i have many African American friends and most of them said that the south i the BEST place to live and that they are the friendliest people. So i move because i wanted to start fresh in a new home but not in NJ because the homes are getting expensive. well the Southern WHITE woman were nasty! Were's that "Southern Hospatality"?? i like the place but there are to many snotty Southern women here. Now i am not saying that all the woman are nasty its mainly the WHITE southerners. The African American woman were very welcoming and i even made many friend. I used to think it was me and now i know its not me its them!! I am considering moving to VA hoping to find more friendlier people but i want to know how southeners act to people from the north. whats wrong with people from the north? Why are they so mean to us??


New Jersey GIRL/ Not Accepted1

Have you tried living in Charlotte, you would feel quite at home there. Nobody there would question you at all, I bet a third of the city is from NY/NJ, and you could keep your license. Hopefully that isn't where you are living now......... nah it couldn't be.

[romer]

I think a common denominator is " how local are you, how far back does your family here go, you're not old enough sonny" when in areas like where I have for the back 11-12 years. People let fear of change grab them. "Gated" communities are gated in many ways, also. I have leaned to go invisible, as it were, when I can to see how people treat each other, and then step in as one without borders. Sort of an ambassador
mentality. How you carry yourself speaks also. In NYC I drive and walk like I belong there minus the excessive defensiveness. Same thing down in Atlanta. or Savannah. Or Pittsburgh. Or San Francisco. or St. Louis. Texas is just Texas. Farmers often measure themselves by size. Urbanites by money or spot on the ladder. I try to act like a distant cousin in for a visit. Try it.

[michele1993]

I usually don't get into North South things but I grew up in VA and currently live in NC. I love it here. I have met the nicest people ever since we moved here a year ago and to get me to leave will take a pine box. Va has nice people too, but they don't like outsiders. Especially around Richmond. As far as the white women around here being nasty, I'm not sure what you mean. I'm a native american woman and all the women that I've met here white and black all bathe regularly. They do tend to be a little outspoken and opinionated, but then so do native american women which suites me just fine. I do understand that some southerners tend to be "mean" to northerners as you put it, but didn't you pay attention in History class in school? Even though it's been over for 150 years there's still that small matter of the war of northern aggression that many southerners haven't forgotten about. After all many, many southerners lost major fortunes to that war and the carpet baggers that came after it. By the way, I lived in the north for 10 months, Pennsylvania, it was the worst 10 months of my life. I saw more rudeness and discrimination up there than I have ever seen in my whole 41 years in the south.

[Voltaire's Shadow]

Originally Posted by michele1993

Va has nice people too, but they don't like outsiders. Especially around Richmond.

What?? I know many, many people from all parts of the country that live here in VA and not one of them has let me on to not feeling welcome. I think it's impossible for people in Richmond to not like outsiders. Yes impossible. Are you saying that over a million people hate outsiders? Ridiculous. Just because a few people are stuck in their ways does not mean that everyone in the state feels like that one or two people you met.

[hopedelivers]

I am from Massachusetts and we have a very large population of African Americans in the Boston area and surrounding communities. I remember when I lived in an upper middle-class neighborhood on top of Christian Hill and the first African American family bought a house and moved in. Everyone was filled with gossip. We were brought up that it doesn't matter what color anyone's skin was or the shape of their eyes were. Well on day my younger sister said mom I have a boyfriend can I bring him home tomorrow after school for some cookies and milk. My mother smiled and said of course. She was in the first grade. Well she brought him home the next day and brought him in the house and low and behold it was the son of the African American family who just moved in, his name was Brian Chapman. My mother didn't act surprised, they ate cookies and milk, had some small talk with my mother and went out to play. Brian was so cute, well mannered, and very likable, after that more African Americans moved into the area and all was well. So don't say Northerners are all predjucie against blacks, we're not!!