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This question may have been asked previously but I'd love to hear more opinions. My husband and I recently moved to DC from Los Angeles. I am a stay-at-home mom. We have a 2 year old. Our extended family all live on the west coast. We have no family nor any close friends here in DC. It has been tough not having that support network. Will raising my child away from his grandparents, uncles, and cousins affect him somehow down the road? The emotional bond between family is quite different from the casual playgroup-type contact that my son gets now. At least this has been the case for us. I'm not the most outgoing person but I am trying to make friends and am taking classes that I think my son would enjoy. It just gets really tough sometimes and I get terribly lonely and feel so isolated.
Do any of you parents of young children have any insight or advice?
Being a homemaker is a noble undertaking, but it won't fill all your basic human needs for social interaction. Humans are social creatures, and I suspect your husband is getting his social needs filled (at least more than you are!) by having a job and interacting with coworkers/clients. You need interaction with somebody other than your child. I would highly recommend looking into Meetup.com. Find groups that share your interests or perhaps groups geared towards mothers. You could also look into getting involved in a church/non-profit or do some volunteering. If your username is any indication, do you perhaps speak French? Check out the Alliance Francais (francedc.org). They have all kinds of cultural events and childrens programs that are worth looking into.
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I'm not a parent yet (coming soon!), but I was raised 2000 miles away from any extended family so I figure I'll share my experience from the child's perspective:
I don't identify with the typical family bonds many other people have. In fact, I couldn't care less about most of my family - they're just a bunch of people I'm related to, and I'm required to show up at weddings and funerals. I know, it sounds harsh, but it's just how I am and I can only attribute it to being raised far away from them and rarely seeing them for holidays. They lived a world away and I had little in common with most of them. I'm not normally a callous person, but I just don't feel the need to associate with them any more than is dictated by society (and my mother lol).
However, I am much closer with people I've chosen to have in my life (friends) than most people are. I have several life-long friendships and I'd gladly take a bullet for or donate a kidney to any of them. Maybe I just replaced the typical family bonds for friendships. All in all, though, I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything growing up. I'm sure I did, but I'm not actively aware of it.
As a parent far from home, I'll be in your shoes pretty soon. I left my home in Louisiana where both my wife and my immediate family are and don't know many people here yet. Best of luck!
I am from the midwest and the positive for me is that I have developed those extended family relationships in this area because I went to college here... HOWEVER, I have recently moved out of that immediate area, so I am essentially without such a network myself. Even 30 minutes can take you away from that support. The only thing I can say is join some community or civic groups, churches and that way you are interacting with people with whom you have a shared interest. Or be the superparent at your child's school PTA and again, you can begin to bond with other parents who are also involved. Other than that...travel to see family often or invite them out a lot. Sometimes it sucks callin' to grandma's and the family is all there....y
There are LOTS of other parents in your position in the DC area -- probably more than just about any other city. It's hardest when your kids are very little, and not yet enrolled in school, and you are spending lots of time with them at home. Once they hit school age, or even preschool age, you will find it much easier to form the kind of friendships you are looking for. Joining a church might also help.
We lived in the DC area for 25 years, and it took quite a long time to establish a circle of friends who are now like family. We moved away last summer, and have visited those friends more often than our own actual extended family. Be patient. Good friendships take time to develop.
This is our 6th state, the 3rd for my DH, 3 yo toddler and I. We wanted to stay settled in San Diego and raise our little family there (I’m not a fan of the East Coast but I’m praying it’ll grow on me). I understand not having that network, when he’s sick, when you are just fatigued and need a break. We don’t get a break or help. We have practically no money but it really helps to get out as much as possible. I belong to 3 moms groups both Church related and secular. I also try to visit the same playgrounds in hopes of bumping into other moms and making friends. Just keep in mind this is the East Coast and they are not as initially as friendly here but they do start talking. I even go to a couple of the Malls because they have playgrounds (Great in the rain and my son loves the escalators). Just a warning, in my vast experience, it takes 2 years to make friends in a new place.
As for not having extended family, I grew up with all my family nearby and it was wonderful. My Husband did not. Our kids are going to grow up so differently anyway. In Falls Church, the schools are 30% white, 30% Hispanic, 5% asian (Korean, Indian and Vietnamese) and the rest Black or other. Our kids are going to grow up much more globally and culturally wide.
DM me if you want to get together for a playdate
Last edited by leighland; 04-22-2009 at 03:47 PM..
Reason: forgot the word not
I think there are lots of benefits to living on your own. I sure hope to when I am married and have kids one day. First, I guess I should say I'm an introvert and don't really like to have to cater to people outside my home. I feel like having family around presents a situation where you have to balance expectations. (Of course I would take a day off work and be at the hospital with a relative who was undergoing a procedure, etc.). I mean more for little things. I guess I like the idea of me and my family being free to go out, bike ride, etc., and not have to worry about what other relatives think we should do with our free time, etc.
Again, just my opinion. I know many folks who live near family and love it and I wish them nothing short of the best. But this is just another side of things.
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