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It's actually quite sexist and patriarchal in its lopsidedness, in my opinion. There is no outward sign of a man's forthcoming marriage, but we've gotta slap that ring on the woman so the rest of the world knows she's spoken for like some kind of chattel tagged at auction. Yep. She must be some prime rib if she can a) snag a man, and b) snag a man who can afford to pay for that big ol' ring.
Yes, I use "Ms." and not "Miss." When I was married, I continued to use "Ms." and not "Mrs." And yes, when I did get married, I walked myself up the aisle. So that's where I'm coming from. Tradition? See: Fiddler on the Roof. Bravo to the man for not buying into it in the first place.
Thank you, and good night.
Okay, so you want to make sure we know that you don't go for tradition, and always opting for something different is obviously important to you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, although I've a hunch that your opinions go a lot deeper than the words you write.
If you don't want a ring, don't wear one. Simple as that. I'd rather wear one than have to explain over and over that I'm married. And most husbands wear one, too; therefore, I don't buy your comment about the patriarch thing. I'm honored to wear the ring.
I always thought the anxiety fits women had over the Ms thing was pretty stupid. I not only wanted addressed as 'Miss' when I was single, I opted for it when I was divorced. I couldn't see myself as a 'Mrs' since I was no longer married, nor did I think 'Ms' was any big deal. If someone else addressed me as such, fine.
Oh I'm one of "those" guys alright, if by "those" guys you mean a man with a brain who refuses to settle for a materialistic pig with an over inflated sense of entitlement.
You know, American women have a reputation the world over for being materialistic, narcissistic, egocentric, selfish and just plain nasty. I have met more than a few men from other countries who tell me if I want a good woman to forget American girls and go to their country.
In all fairness, I do not think it is all American women. But I do believe that the good ones go quick and if us guys don't grab one while young, we get stuck with the leftover garbage.
But to get back on topic OP, do you really believe any guy really put thought into an engagement ring? Are you joking? All we are thinking of is how much it is costing us and how hard we are going to have to work to pay it off. No man wants to squander his hard earned money on that garbage, they just do it because they want to make the girl happy and they choose to swallow the blue pill with regard to their relationships.
And how on God's green Earth does it make any difference where the ring came from - it isn't a hat. Being concerned with such a trivial thing only demonstrates exactly the kind of shallowness I am talking about. Perhaps she should be more concerned with her lack of appreciation than with his thought process in selecting the ring.
The one thing she should be concerned with is the one thing that seems to be lost on you. The fact that your brother took advantage of another man's misery and feels so proud of it that he brags about it. That is simply pathological, but to you it goes unnoticed save to make him look cheap. What is important to you is how much thought he put into selecting the ring. I see you and your brother are not that much different.
I'd still go for a real nice reasonable and affordable ring with a cool ride or put the money into a house any day. Let the other guys buy a few rings and after getting it called off a few times will change their tune! LOL That car is mine until your name is on the title baby! LOL Damn, they hate smart dudes! LOL
I'm female and probably will have a minority opinion on this.
To me, any woman demanding a huge engagement ring or expensive wedding would be a woman I would never marry (if I were a man). Engagement rings are a waste of money, as are lavish weddings. Perhaps it's a coincidence, but the elaborate, expensive weddings I have attended usually end up with a divorced couple within a few years.
I never could comprehend how anyone could lay down $50,000 for a wedding, which only lasts an hour or $15,000 for a ring. Sure, if you are extremely wealthy, then it's no big deal. But how many couples go into debt over something as frivolous and unnecessary as an engagement ring?
So the guy buys a used engagement ring? No big deal, as long as the woman knows about it and doesn't mind. However, bragging about getting a ring from Pennysaver is classless in the extreme. Sounds like an immature man...big time.
This is how we handled the engagement ring question. I knew how much money we had to spend on rings and wedding. I chose to forgo the engagement ring and opted for a beautiful wedding ring with nice diamonds. 35 years later and I still get compliments on it almost every day.
We had a very small wedding which got the job done and didn't put us back very much. Everybody was happy.
Alot of couples go with simple bands and maybe for a 20th anniversary splurge on a "nicer" ring or set.
I find it funny/ironic/strange the poster who berates women for wanting a showy diamond engagement just to impress her friends but sees nothing wrong with a showy car to impress his friends or even strangers at a traffic light.
Okay, so you want to make sure we know that you don't go for tradition, and always opting for something different is obviously important to you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, although I've a hunch that your opinions go a lot deeper than the words you write.
If you don't want a ring, don't wear one. Simple as that. I'd rather wear one than have to explain over and over that I'm married. And most husbands wear one, too; therefore, I don't buy your comment about the patriarch thing. I'm honored to wear the ring.
I always thought the anxiety fits women had over the Ms thing was pretty stupid. I not only wanted addressed as 'Miss' when I was single, I opted for it when I was divorced. I couldn't see myself as a 'Mrs' since I was no longer married, nor did I think 'Ms' was any big deal. If someone else addressed me as such, fine.
Perspective helps. If someone were to come to a forum and note a deep religious background or being raised in another, vastly different culture, I can see where they are coming from and why they think the way they do, even if I don't agree with their conclusions.
As for the rest, wedding rings are not the same as engagement rings. Men usually wear wedding rings, so there's equality there. Only women wear engagement rings.
No anxiety fits here. I simply see no need for revealing marital status on snail mail. It's no one's business but mine.
The one thing she should be concerned with is the one thing that seems to be lost on you. The fact that your brother took advantage of another man's misery and feels so proud of it that he brags about it. That is simply pathological, but to you it goes unnoticed save to make him look cheap. What is important to you is how much thought he put into selecting the ring. I see you and your brother are not that much different.
Well, hell, he didn't even have to do that. If the OP's name includes her zip code, she's on Long Island. If he is, too, I'd have sold him my old ring (and the wedding band with it), no misery at all.
Of course, it's a small stone, only about a quarter karat. Dang near flawless, but its size would render it unworthy.
P.S. It was bought in 2000, and if I had known about blood diamonds then, I'd have made it clear that diamonds are not my best friend long before my ex bought it.
ok firstly, im NOT into diamond rings...if someone was to propose to me id much rather get a $5 cubic zirconium on a pretty band/setting than a couple thousnad doallr diamond.
infact my ideal engagment ring would be an antique band with a pink or mystic fire topaz...take the rest of the money and set it aside for something more important...
i also have no proble with "used" jewelry...
but theres a few thigns that bother me about this situation
1: hes bragging about how some other poor guys bad luck led him to this "bargain"
2: while the ring might not be important to him it might be to her and thats something important to think about, i dont feel a woman needs some huge great diamond, but i do feel in a case of anyone 9man or woman) proposing, id like to think that theres some real thought put into whatever was given to symolize that...
3: im not typically superstitious...but theres somethign about a wedding or engagment ring from a failed relationship that just raises the "superstition bell" just seems like bad juju...
Oh I'm one of "those" guys alright, if by "those" guys you mean a man with a brain who refuses to settle for a materialistic pig with an over inflated sense of entitlement.
You know, American women have a reputation the world over for being materialistic, narcissistic, egocentric, selfish and just plain nasty. I have met more than a few men from other countries who tell me if I want a good woman to forget American girls and go to their country.
In all fairness, I do not think it is all American women. But I do believe that the good ones go quick and if us guys don't grab one while young, we get stuck with the leftover garbage.
But to get back on topic OP, do you really believe any guy really put thought into an engagement ring? Are you joking? All we are thinking of is how much it is costing us and how hard we are going to have to work to pay it off. No man wants to squander his hard earned money on that garbage, they just do it because they want to make the girl happy and they choose to swallow the blue pill with regard to their relationships.
And how on God's green Earth does it make any difference where the ring came from - it isn't a hat. Being concerned with such a trivial thing only demonstrates exactly the kind of shallowness I am talking about. Perhaps she should be more concerned with her lack of appreciation than with his thought process in selecting the ring.
The one thing she should be concerned with is the one thing that seems to be lost on you. The fact that your brother took advantage of another man's misery and feels so proud of it that he brags about it. That is simply pathological, but to you it goes unnoticed save to make him look cheap. What is important to you is how much thought he put into selecting the ring. I see you and your brother are not that much different.
With that misanthropic attitude, one wonders if you could possibly be a left-over yourself.
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Damn, they hate smart dudes! LOL 
