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Since none of us knows for certain what is going to happen in the future, I am wondering what would happen if all the people who are not "supposed" to show up at the wedding, suddenly show up. Then what?
Pikantari, invite who you want and I agree with you about kids at weddings. I actually don't believe most kids belong at weddings unless they are close to the couple or are in the party. It often means that one less person you want to be there can't be. However, be aware (as I'm sure you know)that omitting someone (whether intentionally or unintentional)can be heartbreaking. A few years ago my parents had these close friends (or so they thought)had their son marry and not invite them though they invited everyone in the same circle. Recently, a couple they know (who has invited them to their parties)didn't invite them but invited everyone else they knew who also know my parents (including people I know for a fact they aren't even close to). My parents don't know why they weren't invited but in the first case they no longer speak to the couple (this couple had the audacity to mention the wedding in front of my parents). In the second case, only chat with them and no longer do favors (they had the nerve to ask my dad for a favor a few weeks after the wedding). Both weddings were large so that's not the reason. Honestly, I fear when I get married forgetting someone because of the hurt feelings. I think that's why I think you are smart doing a small wedding. In my case I have a small family (probably all total about 25 if you include all of my second cousins, and other relatives).
My daughter was married last year in a small ceremony. The venue only held 85, so they had to keep it smallish. I think they mailed out 75 invitations, and we had about 60 or so there.
They asked each set of parents to make our list, and then they went through it to get the ones they wanted. My husband has a LOT of cousins, and we're all close. It's one of those situations where if you can't invite all, don't invite any. Family was immediate family, grandparents, aunts, uncles and 1st cousins only. The only guests under 18 were my son-in-law's 14-year-old cousin and my niece's 19-month old son. (She was the matron of honor.) There were some long-time family friends on both sides who were invited. For friends, if they didn't know both people in the couple, they were not invited. There were no plus-ones. It was hard at times to scale back, but they stuck to their guns.
The only drama was from the MOG's best friend. She was a sourpuss (the friend, not the MOG!). Neither of them wanted to invite her, but the MOG insisted that she was the closest thing to a sister she had. (None of her family made the trip from out-of-state to come, which I'm sure was upsetting to her.) The friend was a single mom to 4 kids, the youngest being a brat of epic proportions. The invitation was addressed to the friend only. No kids. No plus one. She sent the card back and in big red ink put the number 5 down as attending. (MOG was supposed to gently tell her that there was a "no-kid" rule. SIL talked to her in person, and told her that they simply couldn't accommodate the kids due to the size of the venue. She turned into a 12-year-old "mean girl". This grown woman took to Facebook to bad mouth both my daughter and SIL, wishing them ill on their wedding day and for their marriage to fail. What hurt the most is MOG stood up for her. It caused quite a bit of stress in the final month of preparation.
I was actually surprised at the number of people who came down on us for not inviting kids. They had nothing against kids, they just needed to keep the numbers down. It was easiest just to cut all the kids. Bottom line.... it's your wedding!!
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