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And a word of marriage advice. Don't buy things that you can't afford to pay cash for when they are completely unnecessary.
Yeah... this sounds bizarre.
If a couple had agreed to trade one band in as a downpayment to buy another, that's no different than any other purchase transaction.
If the husband decided to do this without the wife's permission and she was strongarmed in some way into doing it, that is VERY odd.
It's her wedding band. Maybe it's sentimental to her (some folks are sentimental, some are not).
Very, very odd.
If the husband bought the anniversary ring, gave it to the wife, then asked if she minded swapping her original to offset costs on the new one, that's one thing, but I still would never do such a thing to someone unless they knew up front and were wanting it that way.
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This question is primarily directed to young married women aged 25-30 years old. Certainly, responses and opinions from others are very welcome.
Scenario: On their first anniversary, husband gives his wife an "anniversary ring" as an upgrade to the wedding band given to her on their wedding day. However, the original wedding band is to be returned to the jeweler as a partial payment toward the anniversary ring.
The Question: What do you think of being asked to forsake and return your wedding band, in exchange for a new ring, after only one year of marriage? What would you have done?
Background: Married in mid-2015 and wedding rings are exchanged during the ceremony. Bride's wedding band matches, or is complementary in style to the engagement ring. The new anniversary ring is pretty but simple, and has a few more, slightly larger diamonds.
The couple first met in college and have been together since then – approx. eight years in total. Both are now in their late-twenties, college graduates, and have good full-time jobs. They were brought up in middle- and upper-middle class homes; both are from the same culture (white, USA born); both have brothers and sisters and extended families; both sets of parents are together. Money and credit has never been a major problem for either one. They own a home together and all bills are paid on time.
Should the new ring have been accepted, knowing the original wedding band would be returned to the jeweler as part of the purchase? Or should the offer have been refused (in a gentle, un-hurtful way), and the original wedding band kept?
Thank you in advance for your thoughtful responses.
Signed: An unhappy parent.
I'm guessing this happened to your daughter.
I'm sorry if this upset her and you. It's quite weird if she had no idea that she'd be asked to surrender her wedding band.
I'm not 25-30, but my eldest kid falls into that age bracket and would NEVER do such a thing.
So, there's some advice for you. It is indeed weird.
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That's the weird thing.
While it is obvious the parent does not like what they did, we have NO idea how the bride feels about it. She might have encouraged it, if she was unhappy with the band her husband selected.
That's the weird thing.
While it is obvious the parent does not like what they did, we have NO idea how the bride feels about it. She might have encouraged it, if she was unhappy with the band her husband selected.
That is a good point. I find it hard to imagine that a parent would be unhappy about her child's wedding band unless her child was also unhappy, though.
I know if mine get married and do something like this because they WANT TO it will affect me not.
If mine get married and have this done to them and are feeling upset about it? It will definitely bother me.
I'd be worried about the state of that marriage.
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I'm also assuming it's your daughter. Regardless of who it is, I'd say this is entirely between the husband and wife. I don't think this is usual at all, but I think it's totally the decision of the two people involved. Some people see the wedding vows as a sacred bond with the ring being a very important symbol of it. Some feel the wedding vows are not really attached to an object (the ring) and are completely intangible. How one feels about the role of the ring would probably have a lot to do with how they feel about this wedding ring switch.
I would think a couple would need to be on the same page. I'm sure the husband wants to give the wife something more impressive as a symbol of his love. Perhaps the wife feels strongly about the ring being more of a symbol (and the size of the ring isn't important).
I personally don't have any strong attachment to the ring itself. For me, marriage is about so much more than the ring.
I surprised my husband on our 10th anniversary with a new wedding band for him. The original was much too small and could not be appropriately resized. The new ring was very similar to the old ring but slightly wider.
I lost the original very tiny diamond in my engagement ring. Several years ago we replaced it. We didn't go for a huge stone even though we can better afford it now. We replaced it with a similar tiny diamond as it reminds us where we started.
Certainly marriage is about more than a ring, but watch a spouse remove it with no intention of wearing it ever again. The symbolism becomes very evident.
Weird story. I'm in this age group and this scenario is totally foreign to me.
On principle, I think it's weird to gift someone something with the expectation that they'd lose something else they owned. That's a trade, not a "gift." Can you imagine if the bride said, "Merry X-Mas! I sold your golf clubs to get you a new set of my choosing!" If this situation were me, I guess my reaction would depend on which I preferred. If I preferred the new ring, then great. If I didn't, then guess he better return the "gift" and get something else - ideally something that doesn't put me in a Sophie's Choice situation lol.
Maybe off topic but... Among my friends, their anniversary rings (be it 1 year, 5 year, or 10 year) were kept and worn in addition to their engagement ring and wedding ring. Never heard of this scenario before.
Weird story. I'm in this age group and this scenario is totally foreign to me.
On principle, I think it's weird to gift someone something with the expectation that they'd lose something else they owned. That's a trade, not a "gift."
Can you imagine if the bride said, "Merry X-Mas! I sold your golf clubs to get you a new set of my choosing!" If this situation were me, I guess my reaction would depend on which I preferred. If I preferred the new ring, then great. If I didn't, then guess he better return the "gift" and get something else - ideally something that doesn't put me in a Sophie's Choice situation lol.
Maybe off topic but... Among my friends, their anniversary rings (be it 1 year, 5 year, or 10 year) were kept and worn in addition to their engagement ring and wedding ring. Never heard of this scenario before.
Did the two of them talk about this before it happened? That's the biggest problem I see here--why not talk about it since it's probably going to be a big deal to one or both of them. TALK to each other, people.
I would keep the old one. I would not want the new one.
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