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Hi,
I am writing this thread cause after about a year in a half our son has had nothing to do with us,
Last month we received an e-mail from his bride to be announcing their engagement. Of course I
was very happy for them. The thing is I was very disappointed that it didn't come from my son.
Weeks had passed by and his bride to be e-mailed us again requesting for us to help them with some cost.
Normally my husband and I would not have a problem helping. The thing is neither one of them had communicated a word to us in a year. Now all of sudden they need something. So now were Ok to communicate with. Tell me am I taking this the wrong way or are my feelings justifyable.
When you mean "nothing to do with us," do you mean they your son has cut you off by choice, or he is just simply lazy about keeping in contact with you and thinks his fiance will take care of that? And really, it's not her responsibility to do so... but I suspect that's what's happening.
Our son has not talked to us period in a long time. Last time we visited him was September 2014. I really don't know what his problem is. We use to go up to see him every September, but last September was a total disaster. You see I really try to keep in touch with him. He lives in Colorado. The thing is we tried making arrangements to go see him, but he never
answers his phone when we call, so I went to e-mailing him and I got no reply. The next thing I did is to send a card,
still no response. Our last thing to do was to just show up on his door step. Which we did for the last 4 years. This last time he got angry with us and asked us why we did not call first and why we didn't in the past. I told him cause he don't
communicate with us and that was our only choice. From where we live that is 700 miles and that is just one way.
I don't even know if my son knows that she asked this of us. I agree if he put her up to this. It is not right. Presently
I don't know so who am I to judge. thank you for caring.
Hi,
I am writing this thread cause after about a year in a half our son has had nothing to do with us,
Last month we received an e-mail from his bride to be announcing their engagement. Of course I
was very happy for them. The thing is I was very disappointed that it didn't come from my son.
Weeks had passed by and his bride to be e-mailed us again requesting for us to help them with some cost.
Normally my husband and I would not have a problem helping. The thing is neither one of them had communicated a word to us in a year. Now all of sudden they need something. So now were Ok to communicate with. Tell me am I taking this the wrong way or are my feelings justifyable.
Thank You,
Memorable
Quote:
Originally Posted by memorable
Our son has not talked to us period in a long time. Last time we visited him was September 2014. I really don't know what his problem is. We use to go up to see him every September, but last September was a total disaster. You see I really try to keep in touch with him. He lives in Colorado. The thing is we tried making arrangements to go see him, but he never
answers his phone when we call, so I went to e-mailing him and I got no reply. The next thing I did is to send a card,
still no response. Our last thing to do was to just show up on his door step. Which we did for the last 4 years. This last time he got angry with us and asked us why we did not call first and why we didn't in the past. I told him cause he don't
communicate with us and that was our only choice. From where we live that is 700 miles and that is just one way.
I don't even know if my son knows that she asked this of us. I agree if he put her up to this. It is not right. Presently
I don't know so who am I to judge. thank you for caring.
Memorable
Email her back and tell her the four of you need to discuss the details and cost and do not do anything until the four of you sit down and do just that.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
44,585 posts, read 81,225,683 times
Reputation: 57825
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
Email her back and tell her the four of you need to discuss the details and cost and do not do anything until the four of you sit down and do just that.
That's what my first thought was too, if they want your money, they should come and talk to you in person.
Ask them to visit you so you can discuss things. If they show up, have a long talk about everything. Then hash it out and then help them out of the conversation goes well.
Email her back and tell her the four of you need to discuss the details and cost and do not do anything until the four of you sit down and do just that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyerland
Ask them to visit you so you can discuss things. If they show up, have a long talk about everything. Then hash it out and then help them out of the conversation goes well.
Good points.
Your son needs to take responsibility for his actions if he wants you to stay in his life.
If he did not answer his phone or emails from you for four years I suspect that he is either the most insensitive, clueless son around or he really does not want you around or want to see you. That would be difficult to accept but his behavior is NOT normal. Even sons that are absolute jerks or have serious social disabilities treat their parents better than he has treated you in the last few years.
My honest opinion is to ask his fiance to have your son call you and then you can all meet togethDr. If he never contacts you then you may have to just forget about him until he "grows up".
BTW. How old is he? If he is very young, maybe 22 or 24, maybe he is just immature. But if he is older than he has no excuse.
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-28-2015 at 08:17 AM..
Preface - I am 29 so I am saying this having only been a child, not a parent.
If a child doesn't contact their parent, it is usually because they don't want to, whatever their reason. In fact, I call my parents every week and there is about 1350 miles between us.
It is absolutely awful that she had to tell you that they got engaged, but it seems like she did it not to tell you the exciting news, but to stick out their hands for help with wedding costs. I didn't ask my parents for anything and let them offer what they wanted, because it wasn't my place to ask for help or request a gift! I find it shocking that she is okay with doing that and find it rude.
Even if they visited and it went well, I wouldn't give them anything other than a nice wedding gift of the amount I would give to someone in my immediate family. Why? Everyone is on their best behavior when they want something, so it would undoubtedly go well until after the wedding is done and paid for and they didn't need anything until guess what - we're having your grandbaby, buy us stuff.
Germaine,
Thank you for taking the time to listen to my problems. I never thought of it, but your right he is not very sensetive to my feelings, nor my husbands. My husband thinks we should just ignore the situation concerning the money. I don't.
He said he didn't want any hurt feelings on their wedding day when that is all he did is cause hurt and misery.
My husband has tried to even offer him to go on a fishing trip together. He does not respond. I told him about when I was in the hospital 2 years for knee surgery. Gave him the phone number at the hospital. No response. My priest said just just to leave him alone for a while. Well that is all we have done other than our yearly trip to see him. I just don't know what to do. I have gone for therapy concerning our relationship with our son. It helps a little,but not much. Any way Germaine thank you again for caring.
Sincerely,
memorable
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