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It's not been mentioned yet but I pity the poor fool who's marring this woman. Maybe not... I guess he could be the kind of guy who needs a demanding, high maintenance woman to keep him in line.
It's probably too late now to do anything about the dresses, but when they told you to send a check to pay for them I would have written back to her that it wasn't your wedding it was her's, and if she wanted to spend money foolishly that was ok with you. I would call a meeting with the other sister in laws, and revolt. If none of you showed up she would be a few people short for her wedding instead of a few bricks short of a load... The worst part of this whole thing is you are going to be related to a dingbat.
This is why my first wedding was at the county clerk's office and we told our families after the event. This was a mistake, since both our sets of parents were hurt by it. If I ever did it again, I won't repeat this (as pleasant as it was for me) because my parents would kill me. However, I'd do the clerk route with just the folks as witnesses and then have a dinner party at a good restaurant for friends and family after. After all, most people are only sitting through the ceremony for the sake of the reception It would take all of 2 hrs to plan and be more fun for all involved. And no special costumes for anyone!
She might have overlooked the out-of-towners without realizing it. Like another poster said, you are in. No need to crash anything. But I would give this person a call, and let her know that you are spending a hell of a lot of money to make it to her wedding. And also, to let her know, that you will be going to the rehearsal dinner, and the after party, or whatever. I doubt she will tell you to your face that you are not invited.
Eep! Glad I asked..I was thinking of skipping that part when/if I got married...
Guess I'd have to work that in the budget, huh? lol
It doesn't have to be a big production. Rehearsals are just usually in the evening, but no matter what time of day they are, they usually run into some mealtime. Rather than making everyone stand around and starve, you feed them ... so it's a practical and considerate thing to do as a host.
And people who travel from out of town have to spend money on meals, rather than eating out of their own kitchens at home. So it's nice to relieve them of that burden for at least one meal. Because you're feeding the wedding party anyway, you just make the rehearsal dinner bigger and feed everybody.
Like I said, it doesn't have to be fancy! Feed everybody spaghetti, garlic bread and salad. Done.
(don't know what forum to put this in but I need to vent!!)
OK.
So my Sis-in-law (40) is getting married this summer in NY. (we live in TX)
She decided to have all her nieces as Bridesmaids in the wedding. Wonderful! I have 3 girls who are all very excited.
So she sends her dress picks for the girls to choose what style they want. OK 1st off what a horrible color (army moss green) but it's her wedding her choice! My girls are 15,13&10 ALL the dreeses (save 1) are strapless and ALL are womens styles and sizes. I told her it was ok if she picked a flower girl dress esp for the youngest...BUT NO. OK so we send in the measurements. We get the e-amil 2 days later saying she ordered them and we can send her a check in the mail....(OK I figured bridesmaide dresses would run 100-120per girl....) NOPE 200 each! For a frikin' 10 year old who will NEVER wear the dress again! CRAP! BUT...ok it's her wedding blah blah blah. (My 2 other sis-ln -laws who se girls are in college MAJORLY bitched and up set the bride...etc...)
So now comes an email wiht info for the rehersal dinner. ONLY wedding party attendants thier spouses and the parents of bride and groom are invited! SO after shelling aout 600 in dresses, 2 nights hotel to get there 2 nights home and gas... we aren't invited to the dinner? But I am supposed to drop my kids off and pick them up when it's over? UM OK... whatever.
NOW... she has added that my husband and her other 2 brothers and nephew are all going to be ushers and they are invited! ARE you Kidding me? so basically everyone in the immediate family BUT your sister-in-laws???
OH...BUT wait..."MOM" (my MIL...who will be at said rehersal) is planning a BIG dinner for EVERYONE (aunts and uncles... oh and sis in alws) Who are a part of the wedding at thier house! NIce...and who do you think is going to serve and clean-up this meal? (probably spaghetti)
DING DING DING....YOu got it! the 3 sis-in-laws, since we don't have anything to do!!
I would be so out of my mind PISSED OFF!!! She is taking advantage of you, what does your husband have to say about all this? This is a complete mess if you ask me!!!
When did my crazy inlaws move to NY? Just kidding!! But they do sound like my husbands family. After years of putting up with crap like this, I decided to let my husband make the decisions regarding when we participate in their madness. He realizes they are crazy, but they are his family. I love him too much to add to his stress, so I just keep reminding myself I am doing this for him!! (and I try to keep my mouth shut)
This is seriously how I handle most things with his family. It really "IRKS" me but his feelings get really hurt.
YES she is crazy and she is his only sister (3 boys... she the baby girl in the family)
SO we are just going wiht the flow.... (for me that means just sit back and drink copious ammounts of wine!!
Thank YOU ALL!!! venting here is such a good way to get rid of my pissyness without hurting my husbands feelings.
WHAT did his sister give me for my wedding? NADA. (she was in college) she did leave with MY bouquet though! OUr rehersal dinner (put on my by in laws) was pretty big... MY parents offered to pay for out of town realitives but they ended up footing the bill. (and yes my husbands family....in laws and Aunts grandmother etc... were invited and so was mine including the little ones)
SO I will keep my mouth shut and plaster a smile on my face and enjoying seeing my daughters SO HAPPY and thrilled to be a part of the wedding.
Then head to the beach for a week of fun sans the extended family!!!!
This is seriously how I handle most things with his family. It really "IRKS" me but his feelings get really hurt.
YES she is crazy and she is his only sister (3 boys... she the baby girl in the family)
SO we are just going wiht the flow.... (for me that means just sit back and drink copious ammounts of wine!!
Thank YOU ALL!!! venting here is such a good way to get rid of my pissyness without hurting my husbands feelings.
WHAT did his sister give me for my wedding? NADA. (she was in college) she did leave with MY bouquet though! OUr rehersal dinner (put on my by in laws) was pretty big... MY parents offered to pay for out of town realitives but they ended up footing the bill. (and yes my husbands family....in laws and Aunts grandmother etc... were invited and so was mine including the little ones)
SO I will keep my mouth shut and plaster a smile on my face and enjoying seeing my daughters SO HAPPY and thrilled to be a part of the wedding.
Then head to the beach for a week of fun sans the extended family!!!!
Well handled. Sometimes it is best to grin and bear it with family and inlaws. I hope there is a spa in your hotel or in the town you are staying in. If so, get a massage and facial and then crash out with a bottle of good wine and whatever mindless pleasure you enjoy during the rehersal dinner (e.g. trash fiction, maudlin movies, sappy music, etc)
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It would take all of 2 hrs to plan and be more fun for all involved. And no special costumes for anyone!
