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Partly that's temperament, partly my particular situation. I have had health problems for the last eight years that have ruined my life and kept me from living the extremely active life I had been living prior to that.
A lot of people who ask me this question at work are aware that I have talked about having health problems that have prevented me from being remotely as active as I was in the past, but they continue to ask this question, which I think shows how interested in me they really are to begin with. Also, the persistence with which people who know me continue to answer this question reminds me that people are dismissive of my health problems. It's not that I want sympathy, I just don't want people shoving my face into my own unhappiness. Would appreciate if people would at least act like they take the things I've said about my health at face value, whether they secretly think I am really a hypochondriac, or whatever it is that people believe.
It's particular annoying when people don't simply accept an answer: "Is that all? . . ."
Also: there is an alternative to asking people this question. You can always volunteer information about what you are doing or what you did. If the other person wants to chime in, fine. If not, also fine. To me, asking a lot of questions is far more potentially rude than talking about yourself (as long as you leave room for the other person to talk).
I want to add that one of the potentially positive benefits of work is being able to forget about oneself for a while and be absorbed by the work. To constantly have people frustrating that focus by redirecting one's attention to how one's day is going so far is annoying.
Last edited by ApartmentNomad; 11-12-2011 at 12:30 PM..
Partly that's temperament, partly my particular situation. I have had health problems for the last eight years that have ruined my life and kept me from living the extremely active life I had been living prior to that.
A lot of people who ask me this question at work are aware that I have talked about having health problems that have prevented me from being remotely as active as I was in the past, but they continue to ask this question, which I think shows how interested in me they really are to begin with. Also, the persistence with which people who know me continue to answer this question reminds me that people are dismissive of my health problems. It's not that I want sympathy, I just don't want people shoving my face into my own unhappiness. Would appreciate if people would at least act like they take the things I've said about my health at face value, whether they secretly think I am really a hypochondriac, or whatever it is that people believe.
It's particular annoying when people don't simply accept an answer: "Is that all? . . ."
Also: there is an alternative to asking people this question. You can always volunteer information about what you are doing or what you did. If the other person wants to chime in, fine. If not, also fine. To me, asking a lot of questions is far more potentially rude than talking about yourself (as long as you leave room for the other person to talk).
I want to add that one of the potentially positive benefits of work is being able to forget about oneself for a while and be absorbed by the work. To constantly have people frustrating that focus by redirecting one's attention to how one's day is going so far is annoying.
Seriously, pleasantries were not invented to remind you of your own misery. Plenty of people experience profound medical difficulties and yet do not imagine that the world is out to make them more miserable.
Are they 'dismissing' your problems? No. They just don't want to hear all the negative crap about someone else's life. Everyone has bad crap to deal with. You aren't the only person to have major problems. That doesn't mean they stop observing basic manners.
If you don't want to answer the question just say 'Nothing special. You?' and move on.
Everyone has bad crap to deal with. You aren't the only person to have major problems. That doesn't mean they stop observing basic manners.
If you don't want to answer the question just say 'Nothing special. You?' and move on.
I don't recognize it as basic manners to interrogate people this way. Unfortunately, many people don't accept the sort of response you suggest.
Whatever the intention of the questioner, being asked these questions forces me to think about how I'm doing. I can't not think about something when someone throws out a question. I don't think people engage in these niceties to make me feel worse, but it often has that effect, and I'm sure I'm not alone. Maybe people should step their manners up so that they have the sensitivity and consideration to tread carefully with people they don't know. You can acknowledge other people's existence without asking intrusive questions.
It's a simple question not an "interrogation". Do you also think that people are spying on you and that your aluminum foil hat will protect your thoughts?
but they continue to ask this question, which I think shows how interested in me they really are to begin with.
Sounds like they heard you, but forgot what you said. Which either means they don't really care or they really did forget?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ApartmentNomad
It's particular annoying when people don't simply accept an answer: "Is that all? . . ."
Not sure what you mean by this. Maybe you can finish the sentence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ApartmentNomad
To me, asking a lot of questions is far more potentially rude
Some of us feel that way, too. I guess maybe it all has to do with how sensitive a person is to others. I mean, if the asker senses that their many questions aren't that welcome, they would stop. But either they're not sensing it or they just don't care.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ApartmentNomad
To constantly have people frustrating that focus by redirecting one's attention to how one's day is going so far is annoying.
Or how about this one. Something bad happened on Friday and as soon as you come in Monday somebody reminds you about it, with no real purpose for doing so other than to take your focus off the fresh start after a weekend.
Not sure what you mean by this. Maybe you can finish the sentence.
Pretty sure that's perfectly grammatical, but it could still be confusing. At the very least, it's a very compressed way of saying what I mean to say. After the colon, I am just giving an example of the type of thing people say when they aren't satisfied with the answer I give them about what I did over the weekend. I am saying that they say things like: "Is that all?"
they aren't satisfied with the answer I give them about what I did over the weekend. I am saying that they say things like: "Is that all?"
I get it. And that's when the pleasantries become unplesantries. Such as when people start probing for answers like: "Is that your final answer? Because it's going onto my blog and I'd like it to really be a cliff hanger." To which I'd respond by opening the latest paperback and start reading from it," It was dark and stormy night..."
Yeah, I have a state Emergency Management meeting Sat. morning and plan on getting an afternoon goose hunt in when it's over. Sunday I'm going over to a friend of my oldest daughter's to continue to help cleaning up trees that came down during Hurricane Irene a couple months ago.
Hmmm, I never ask anyone what they'll do for the weekend. I don't care (as long as it's nothing serious they must do, like get admitted to a hospital. Then I'd care).
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