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No, thank you, and please don't ask again.
I find the "I have a boyfriend" blah blah to be close to "I have to wash my hair that night." I mean, if you don't want to go out with someone who asks, regardless of situation, you should say No, thank you. That's not aggressive, it's straightforward. I truly dislike the idea that one should make up some boyfriend or whatever. Why should she have to? Yes, she's new there, but "no thank you" isn't rude or pushy or misleading or anything. It's a straightforward answer. The end.
Any other nonsense kicks up, she should *absolutely* keep a personal documentation- day, time, who said what, what was said, etc. It can come in very handy later on when you can't remember the particulars. If you don't need it, great. But document, document, document.
Do guys really do this? Really? I never understood the overly pushy types.... Does it every work?
I've never understood it either. Like I said, in my 20s and 30s, it would happen all the time. I never understood a guy who would ask me out when he didn't even know me. I mean, I could be an idiot, I could be a total b*tch, I could be psychotic. You're asking me out just based on how I look? Then even more, I couldn't understand the mentality of a guy who, when you said no thanks when they asked you out, they would say "Why?"
Why? Do you really want to know? Just take no for an answer and move along.
If a woman says no, she's not interested, and no amount of pestering or pursuing, or asking "why?" is going to get her to suddenly get intereted in you. In the workplace, this is even more uncomfortable, but it happens everywhere. It's a wonder that guys ever get a girlfriend. It's a wonder that we all haven't just turned to women!
Is this common for women in the workplace to deal with this? I find it AMAZING the guy has the gumption to do this with her being employed for only 1 full day plus a couple hours.
The act of asking the first week is in poor taste, but neither illegal or immoral. Hey, he is human. Many people meet their future spouse through work.
If she says no, then he knows where he stands. If he treats her differently after the "no thank you," or he keeps asking, then it is wrong.
I'd be careful about running to HR unless this escalates to sexual harassment. Your friend, if just complaining about the guy asking her out, will be seen as thin-skinned, weak, a problem-child, etc. And then all the sudden HR will be focusing on her rather than the guy!
She doesn't necessarily have to go to HR; she can just tell her supervisor, and she doesn't have to sound like she's thin skinned or ratting. Just, "hey is it usual for those guys to ask women out in the office?" A decent supervisor will tell the guy to knock it off if he does it again, ar at least keep an eye on things when the guy comes into the office.
No, thank you, and please don't ask again.
I find the "I have a boyfriend" blah blah to be close to "I have to wash my hair that night." I mean, if you don't want to go out with someone who asks, regardless of situation, you should say No, thank you. That's not aggressive, it's straightforward. I truly dislike the idea that one should make up some boyfriend or whatever. Why should she have to? Yes, she's new there, but "no thank you" isn't rude or pushy or misleading or anything. It's a straightforward answer. The end.
Any other nonsense kicks up, she should *absolutely* keep a personal documentation- day, time, who said what, what was said, etc. It can come in very handy later on when you can't remember the particulars. If you don't need it, great. But document, document, document.
I agree that you should be able to just say no......but what should be and what is are two different things.
She is brand new to this job, she does not know the lay of the land yet and she has no idea what kind of an idiot this guy could be.
This guy could take a flat out no as a personal insult and make it a point to get even with her in many ways so he can "save face".
Some men have very touchy egos and I wouldn't want to start ruffling feathers right off the bat.
IMO, when you are brand new on a job, you should lie low until you have proved your worth.....don't come off as a trouble maker and start complaining about other employees whether you are in the right or not.
It is much safer to just tell him you are already in a relationship and you don't believe in cheating....."If you and I were going together, you wouldn't want me to cheat on you, would you?"
I also agree that she should start documenting things if he doesn't take the hint........and then present the results to management after a month or so.......after management has had time to see that SHE isn't some kind of needy employee who is going to be running to them over every little thing.....more trouble than she is worth.
If she was an established employee....a flat out no would be fine.....but not now.
You gotta go in for the kill or dude would be stuck in the friend zone forever. You have to ask a girl out right away, before she thinks of you as too nice. Asking someone out is not even close to sexual harassment! HR would laugh in her face if she claimed this and rightfully so. She would ostracized in the office and no one would talk to her. Say no, move on. That is not hard.
She doesn't necessarily have to go to HR; she can just tell her supervisor, and she doesn't have to sound like she's thin skinned or ratting. Just, "hey is it usual for those guys to ask women out in the office?" A decent supervisor will tell the guy to knock it off if he does it again, ar at least keep an eye on things when the guy comes into the office.
Not a good idea to go to the supervisor at this point. She just started a new job, the best thing to is as others have posted is to tell him no thank you.
Because if she goes to the supervisor they may view her as problem employee, even though she has done nothing wrong.
This most likely wouldn't have happened in a white collar office environment so quickly, but a warehouse tends to have people who aren't as aware or concerned with sexual harrasment.
But bad idea at this point to bring it up to the supervisor. If this guy becomes a problem than you address it, but not yet.
My friend just started a job yesterday. It is the first job she has had in quite some time (years)
She works in the office, and although I dont know specifics, she must do something to the effect of inventory or shipping, as there seems to be traffic from the warehouse entering her work space.
She literally started yesterday, and she already has a guy hitting on her big time. He asked her out in front of two other warehouse guys. She really needs this job, and obviously doesn't want to be a problem.
I am not on site, so I dont know exactly what is happening, but I imagine ANY guy that asks out a new hire on her second day has got to be crossing a line. He asked her out, in the middle of the day, in the office.
Is this harrassement? She is trying to be "nice", and hasnt rejected him, but she isnt interested and feels uncomfortable. I think she is genuinely concerned and uncomfortable, but she is probably afraid to go to HR on only her second day.
Isnt asking someone out on the clock, in the office, with other warehouse guys around... maybe not illegal, but is that OK ?
I am a guy, and for all I know, this may happen a lot, but I havent really heard of this, and I have worked in a manufacturing setting for 8 years now.
She must say no to him. Otherwise it is not harassment.
This is a similar case where a woman made a criminal complaint in Germany:
She added to a criminal complaint about other offenses that she was harassed by a man. The thing is she invited this man to come to her. But she never told the police about the invitation. Only about the harassment. Later in court she denied the accusation of harassment twice. That was the truth. But the judge believed what he wrote in the criminal complaint and made a verdict.
She told also to her boyfriends that the man would harass her. But that was not true. Witness was also one of her boyfriends and he told the judge about a harassment either. The accused man is now screwed without guilt.
That is the thing with women. She must tell the worker if she does not like the invitation.
Last edited by William_Wallace_1; 10-23-2012 at 01:43 PM..
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This is not harassment
