How do you tactfully stay away from the gossip and drama? (employees, 2015)
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I work in human services and am forced to interact with coworkers. I can already see that the EQ isn't high and there is a lot of drama and gossip and complaining. I've been reading advice online but most of it relates to office workers. I can't just detach and hide at my desk. I'm ok with letting them know that I'm not going to engage in the drama but I don't want to come off as I think I'm better than them.
Please don't tell me to look for another job bc it's a good paying gvt job and I'm sticking with it. I'm planning to transfer to another location in a year but in the meantime...
Just ignore them. If they try to draw you in, just say, "It's none of my business," and shrug them off. They'll learn.
I wish I could but I'm afraid that I'll come off as stuck up bc I'm already the most educated, financially successful, upscale, mature person there by a long shot. I have to downplay myself a lot.
I'm thinking to either start pretending like I'm religious and throw in some god talk when they try to discuss others. Some of the advice I've read is to say something positive about the person they are talking about but so far, I don't know how to do it in an easy manner. For example, X is so lazy and stupid. Really? I think X has really pretty hair. Lol
Hopefully, it will die down once they see I'm not into it. I'm too old for this nonsense.
If all else fails, find another department or another job.
Can't find another job, I need the pension and benefits. I got stranded in NY and a gvt job is the best way for me to survive. I have to navigate the problem.
Yeah I can tell you how to do this. Although my job is in an office, from experience offices are the most bitchy and gossip-loving places of all time.
First: do not initiate gossip. Some people just love gossiping, and that's just them. Others might do it compulsively because it's all they've known. Say nothing. Ignore your own impulse and intuition to gossip.
Second: if it's time for you to get involved, choose your response as something between neutral and vaguely positive. Gossipers thrive on extracting negativity and acting like secret agents. You make it clear that you aren't anything to tap into.
Third, and this is how I do it. Make fun of them. If they're talking big time crap about someone, talk crap to their face back. Or run with them for a while, then straight up backtalk them. Embarrass them. Make it really uncomfortable for them. And only do it once. Never do it again.
Don't expect others to follow the golden rule. Gossipers will always be around you, trying to tap into your emotions. If you are finding yourself get drawn in, you can usually get around by showing a little love for the unpopular party. Expect others to gossip about you too, just stand head and shoulders above it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suburban_Guy
If all else fails, find another department or another job.
Or just do what Suburban Guy does and run away at the first sign of trouble, I guess. But you will only find yourself in the same situation again eventually.
Yeah I can tell you how to do this. Although my job is in an office, from experience offices are the most bitchy and gossip-loving places of all time.
First: do not initiate gossip. Some people just love gossiping, and that's just them. Others might do it compulsively because it's all they've known. Say nothing. Ignore your own impulse and intuition to gossip.
Second: if it's time for you to get involved, choose your response as something between neutral and vaguely positive. Gossipers thrive on extracting negativity and acting like secret agents. You make it clear that you aren't anything to tap into.
Third, and this is how I do it. Make fun of them. If they're talking big time crap about someone, talk crap to their face back. Or run with them for a while, then straight up backtalk them. Embarrass them. Make it really uncomfortable for them. And only do it once. Never do it again.
Don't expect others to follow the golden rule. Gossipers will always be around you, trying to tap into your emotions. If you are finding yourself get drawn in, you can usually get around by showing a little love for the unpopular party. Expect others to gossip about you too, just stand head and shoulders above it.
Or just do what Suburban Guy does and run away at the first sign of trouble, I guess. But you will only find yourself in the same situation again eventually.
This is really good advice. I can tell that it's not a toxic situation, it's just the people are a bit younger so they are in a different phase. I don't want to get caught up in stuff bc I'm here for the long haul. Thanks
My take, there's usually just one person who is the source. Others get drawn in. In fact I'd say most employees are vaguely uncomfortable in this situation but try to be, as dumb said above, somewhere between neutral and vaguely positive. You don't want to just latch on and feed it, but you have to work with the source person just like everyone else and can't afford the drama affecting your job. When the source person is gone, for whatever reason, whether they quite or just left for vacation for a couple of weeks, the whole office moves smoother.
Shrug, walk away when possible. Change the subject.
Do NOT respond, or ask questions, or give your opinion. Whatever you say will be added to and repeated.
Do NOT repeat what you've heard. You will regret it. Be very careful around those who gossip then try to be "friends".
Agree do not engage them and do not go to HR. Nothing good will come out of doing either of those things.
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