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I am in my 50's and have heard and said "what are your plans for the weekend" without any miscommunication on either side for having asked a simple and innocent question. If I had received that kind of response, I would not have shared it with another co-worker. Office gossip sometimes creates more problems. If I had thought fast enough, after my dropped jaw raised up high enough to form words, I would have said, "You misunderstood what I meant. I am not interested in you in that way at all." Then my legs would be headed to human resources to share what just happened so they could hear my side before possibly hearing something from the other.
It's a shame that a friendly gesture on your part has caused stress for you. My times have changed. I will be careful myself when I use that expression with opposite sex folks.
Interesting how it's kinda split between posters in here who think my question was totally innocuous and those who think the guy had a legit suspicion. Hmmm
Anyway, thanks for the replies. I agree now that I should tone down my friendliness. It's hard for me to do that but I guess I'll just have to be the stingy one now.
I'm a male in my mid 30s. My whole life I've been asking coworkers I'm friendly with(both male & female) what they're up to for the upcoming weekend. It just seems like a normal question you ask people whose lives you care about. Heck I'll even ask people I don't know that well. It's a good question to figure out what people are into & stimulate some conversation. I've never gotten a weird reaction so I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
I never ask anyone what they are doing over the weekend. Heck, I don't even like to answer that question. What if I just want to lay on the couch all weekend? Kick my feet up on the back porch and relax? Should I make something up just to please some coworker?
I once asked a co worker, from another department, on the phone, if she wanted to go to the ballgame this weekend. We were in a conference room and one of my managers had singled her out as really helping us out on a project that crossed departmental lines.
I was in a room, full of people, on speaker. I was actually asking if she and her family would like the box at the stadium.
I guess she thought I was asking her out. She considered my offer for ahile and then said something like, "you know, I am married so we better not."
Of course it then dawned on me, the guffaws from my staff did not hurt, either, and I hastily explained what I really was asking.
I was sure glad I had a room full of witnesses! It was a good laugh, but could have turned out differently!
I never ask anyone what they are doing over the weekend. Heck, I don't even like to answer that question. What if I just want to lay on the couch all weekend? Kick my feet up on the back porch and relax? Should I make something up just to please some coworker?
Why would you feel the need to lie? That is often the answer I get, and give, to the question.
Honestly, folks, I don't like it when people ask, "do you have plans for the weekend". Because most of the time, I don't, so it just makes me feel lame to say "no". I realize people are just trying to make conversation, but there are other neutral topics they could choose. It seems a bit prying. It never occurs to me to ask people what plans they have, or what they did on the weekend. I really don't care how they spend their weekends, and it's their business, not mine. It just seems like an awkward thing to ask. But maybe that's just me.
Honestly, folks, I don't like it when people ask, "do you have plans for the weekend". Because most of the time, I don't, so it just makes me feel lame to say "no". I realize people are just trying to make conversation, but there are other neutral topics they could choose. It seems a bit prying. It never occurs to me to ask people what plans they have, or what they did on the weekend. I really don't care how they spend their weekends, and it's their business, not mine. It just seems like an awkward thing to ask. But maybe that's just me.
Well, it is about as useful of a question as "How are you?" but for many people, including myself, it just rolls off the tongue in order to make a conversation flow. I didn't even give it much thought before asking, to be honest. Guess now I should, but if I premeditate everything I say from here I will drive myself crazy.
As a female engineer who works with mostly guys - I do not ask questions like that until we have all established a good working rapport, and I know it won't get taken the wrong way. Sucks, but that's how it goes.
I took a college management course one semester and we spent 2.5 months out of one semester on the subject of sexual harrasment.
As A male, he noted, and drove into us males, it is NOT APPROPRIATE AT ALL to SAY or DO the like to a female co-worker {or a male one for that matter}:
1} Anything like: "you are pretty', "what a pretty outfit" "what a pretty necklace" or anything about "pretty" OR "charming" OR "good looking" see #2.
2} anything else about looks: "you look lovely", even "you look fine" EVEN WHEN ASKED. The "safe" answer? "ask someone else"
3} Anything remotely like "any plans for..."{the night, the weekend, the next day, time off, etc}
4}Anything that SOUNDS remotely like an offer for a "date"...Like "wanna grab some..." {lunch, pizza, a sub, a hoagie, a hot dog, dinner, etc}
5}ANYTHING that remotely sounds like asking about; or hinting at; or fishing for; or getting info about relationship like : have a partner? spouse? BF? GF? OR anything To determine eligibility for "dating".
6}ABSOLUTELY NO TOUCHING OF ANY KIND...no pat on the arm, no pat on the back, no taking a arm/hand {even if she looks like she's going to fall} ONLY touch acceptable??? A FIRM QUICK HANDSHAKE ONLY ON MEETING her for the first time EVER. {AND never again}.
7} NO OFFERING of ANYTHING: no handkerchief, no kleenex, no water {even if she's choking} NO coffee, no slice of pizza, NO NOTHING {that might be misconstrued}
8}OBVIOSULY NOTHING in regards to sex/sexual innuendos/jokes or the like. NONE.
9}WHEN IN DOUBT, KEEP MOUTH SHUT, HANDS TO YOURSELF.
The reasons ARE obvious to those who have ever had what some here describe has happened.
SO, ladies, if some OAF in the office acts like a neanderthal with bad manners and doesn't offer you a hand when you slip, or a hanky to wipe up the coffee you spilled on your dress he never commented on, or asked about your family-even when you wanted to show him pictures-he probably took Professor Kline's class on Management Skills!
we had these corporate meetings too, its best for a man to say up front ...hes married or back off quickly,,,,CLEAR boundries
if a man looks at a woman the wrong way, it can be sexual harassment based on her interpretation.... so ,, men have the deck stacked against them...
years ago I love to joke around in the workplace, id always be respectful of women,,,but now,,no way,,, that's why you see men going on breaks together or going to lunch together more- they don't have to watch every word they say in hopes they aren't offending anyone
ive seen guys get wrongly accused of sexual harassment,,,and it killed their career with that company, so if guys over react ,,,to clear the air,,then so be it,,
not all women are out for a sexual harassment lawsuit,,we understand that, but all it takes is one complaint, one misinterpretation...
ive seen one lady complain because guys were talking sports on breaks, and she felt "alienated"
and the guys got a reprimand,,,,on a break!!
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