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Many older people don't realize that they never left that bully behavior behind-when they left school.
Picking a turd job happens A LOT lately as most do not simply know how to behave in a work environment.
Those two sentences are typical of a lot of the young workers today. People working and getting the job done, instead of being social butterflies as the OP wants it to be, is foreign concept to them. They want the job to be a fun social place to be, not there to get the job don.
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You have stumbled into one of those job environments that has decided to be junior high school. You need to find a work environment that is for grownups, not seventh graders. You shouldn't expect to find a workplace full of BFFs and confidantes, but there is a certain fundamental level of cordiality expected of adults in the working world, even if they don't happen to like someone.
No just the opposite, it is a work place, where they get the job done, and not spending their time visiting and having fun. What the OP is looking for is a place where the workers act like seventh grade. And cordiality does not include spending a lot of time talking, and speaking and interrupting someone when they get close by.
Try to keep your head down and do your job well, and keep your eyes open for other opportunities.
I find that age difference is one of the biggest risk factors for this kind of cliquey office behavior - if you don't fit in agewise, you'll be ignored. I doubt it's anything wrong that you've done, OP. And I would guess you're not the first person they have acted like this toward.
Age wise, not so much. If people like you, they just do. When I was in the Army as a 20yo, all of the older enlisted personnel and officers always spoke to me and treated me nicely. I'm talking people that were mid 40s all the way to early 50s. Even now, I'm a minority in a group of men and women in that same age range, and I'm not even 30.
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Originally Posted by jenniferashley
Many older people don't realize that they never left that bully behavior behind-when they left school. It happens a lot.
My advice, start looking....and drop em when you land a better job. Picking a turd job happens A LOT lately as most do not simply know how to behave in a work environment. I now try to stay nine months and if I hate it, I am OUTTA there..no longer will I be loyal...and yes, I get calls for jobs all the time-so start applying
Bully behavior? I just don't get how the OP is the ONLY person that no one talks to. There has to be more to the story. Sexism? Naw, the two people that originally snubbed her were women. Racism? I don't think so based on my own experience (I'm black surrounded by white people at my job, and I'm not an Oreo either). In all seriousness, does the OP have any additional details? What kind of attire does she wear? Does she talk too much, maybe? Does she practice good grooming habits? Most people don't just dislike a person for completely no reason at all...at least in a group setting like this. You usually have to provoke someone. I couldn't figure out why no one liked my coworker when I first got there, and now I don't like that coworker either. It all made sense one day.
I am a young female. I've been at my job for a couple of months now and no matter how nice and friendly I am , I find myself singled out. No one talks to me. It all started with two older female coworkers snubbing me. Then it seems like everyone (including guys) joined in. I hear the gossip and the snickering when I enter the lunch room. Or they give eachother weird looks when I pass by.
These people pass my cubicle and ignore me and make no type of eye contact whatsoever even though it's clear that I am there. Seriously, you have to make an effort to avoid not looking at me. And that's when I say "good morning so and so" and the reply is usually an awkward nod. Or simple questions like "how was your weekend" is a one word answer reply. But I hear others ask the same thing, and their conversations are flowing back and forth.
I am a social butterfly so for me to not interact with others nor talk as much is uncomfortable to me.
Side note: One of the female coworkers had my linkedin profile up on her computer when I passed by her office. Weird, right?
What's worst is that my boss is bff with one of the females. This is making me miserable! The gossiping and ostracizing is making me go crazy. Lunch times make me crazy. I just sit in my car and drive off somewhere and try to calm down. Help me! My work productivity has gone down, and I hate going to work.
If you like the job, you may learn to outlast them. I had a guy trying to run me off once for a year and a half. It was kinda tough to go to work in that environment. I never retaliated except I did defend myself once and he freaked out. I think he was scared of me. He was afraid at one point that management was going to lay him off and he asked me if I would quit so he could keep his job. Honestly he did.
People may take the 1-2 enemies' word for awhile, but don't give people a reason to believe them. Keep your nose down, do good work, help people and earn their favor. You may end up like me and wishing those people hating on you good luck in their next jobs as the naturally move on after awhile. Most people do.
I even helped the guy find a different job at one point. Treat your enemies with kindness and it is like throwing a bucket of coal on their head - [paraphrased from The Bible].
The problem could be you if everyone is ignoring you. Most people never consider themselves to be the source of contention. It's always "the other guy". Find another job or be miserable at your current one.
stop trying so hard- get a book and read it for lunch - I have fought the office politics more than once-- remember the rules- NEVER LET THE ENEMY SEE YOU SWEAT! In many cases I got a promo, they wanted - I'm still fighting that one now. Stay serious, and you will earn respect - you are there to work not make friends- keep that in your daily thoughts. Bump -if I go looking for another job- as I told one boss,,, they will have to get used to me! I also got a piece of advise about bad bosses many years ago-- you will see them come and go ---before you go--
Some posters say that the coworkers are bullying the OP but I think that's too dramatic a description. From the OP's first account, they're not doinganything to her, they're just not being as social with her as she would like them to be. I read no accounts of coworkers sabotaging her work or picking fights with the OP; that would be bullying.
You may be too much of a "social butterfly" for this work environment. Too much socializing and visiting in an office can be very annoying and distracting to people who need to concentrate on their work. It is not realistic to expect others to converse or make eye contact every time they pass your cubicle.
I agree. I HATE HATE HATE when people try to make small talk. My job is very stressful, and I'm salaried, and I make my own hours. If you take ten minutes of my time with small talk, that is ten minutes of my time that I could have spent at home with my family but now have to stay and make-up work. I need every single iota of my 50 hours a week to get my job done.... and often have to work late or from home because of people wanting to take up my time with conversation. I try to be nice, but it really sucks when people are telling me long stories about random personal things in their lives. I HATE it. I want to gouge my eyes out when people talk to me. There is one particular co-worker that takes FOREVER to get to a point. He can turn a simple point into a giant conversation. I actually want to run and hide when I see him. He's perfectly nice, but he sucks away my time and my sanity.
"Build connections"? You mean "networking," or forming fake friendships as a means of getting ahead? I've occasionally made a good friend at work with whom I've clicked, but that either happens or it doesn't. In the absence of that event, I'm not going to act like everyone I work with is my new best friend just because I happen to work with them.
A question for the OP is how friendly her colleagues are with each other. If it's just a quiet, sedate workplace, then she's probably being too over-the-top, boisterous, or even obnoxious to fit in there. Think of their "corrections" as nips from the alpha dog. However, if it's a party all the time and they're excluding her from it, that's another matter.
I agree that young people have been raised to think everything must be "fun"; I always said that real life would be a rude awakening for them!
Last edited by otterhere; 01-27-2016 at 09:33 AM..
"Build connections"? You mean "networking," or forming fake friendships as a means of getting ahead? I've occasionally made a good friend at work with whom I've clicked, but that either happens or it doesn't. In the absence of that event, I'm not going to act like everyone I work with is my new best friend just because I happen to work with them.
A question for the OP is how friendly her colleagues are with each other. If it's just a quiet, sedate workplace, then she's probably being too over-the-top, boisterous, or even obnoxious to fit in there. Think of their "corrections" as nips from the alpha dog. However, if it's a party all the time and they're excluding her from it, that's another matter.
I agree that young people have been raised to think everything must be "fun"; I always said that real life would be a rude awakening for them!
I mean build a basic working relationship. I have to "collaborate" with many people at my company at different levels. It is not networking, but just basic working together. I have a busy job that is pretty technical. We need to do lots of work that requires concentration, focus and even working alone. It doesn't mean people sit at their desks and never interact.
It makes work more fun when I can joke and banter with my colleagues. It doesn't mean work is a party.
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you are there to work not make friends- keep that in your daily thoughts. Bump -if I go looking for another job- as I told one boss,,, they will have to get used to me! I also got a piece of advise about bad bosses many years ago-- you will see them come and go ---before you go--
