Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Civilians should understand that the military doesn't really train you for real life. They SAY they do, and there might be some skills, etc... that transfer, but in fact the opposite is true. The military trains you to accept that someone else runs your life. You do what they say, go where they send you, take what they give you etc...
There's a certain amount of "post-partum depression" coming out of the military. After spending years? being indoctrinated into NOT doing things based on what YOU think, it's not just a matter of learning, it's also a matter of UN-learning most of what daily habits and behaviors have been conditioned into you.
OP I recommend you set your sights lower. Stop thinking about the big picture and lofty notions about "career" and instead focus on a job, and a relationship with an employer/mentor. I did this when I got out (accidentally) and it was the best thing for me. An old man with decades of experience and the patience to put up with my idiocy while I learned skills that serve me to this day. Plan on a year of simply reassimilating into civilian life and learning how to make decisions for yourself. Craigslist is a great way for a motivated person to get into a paid relationship instantly (as in TOMORROW). Get ready to get cheated, swindled, etc... but those are good life experiences too. Bad people have a stink to them, and as soon as you learn what they smell like the better off you'll be. Remember if it feels wrong, it's wrong. Get a nice clean job like framing, trim carpentry, etc... and not something nasty like concrete work. Unless you like that sort of thing, lol. Learn spanish, so you can talk to the mexicans when you are running their crew. A motivated and intelligent person that speaks spanish can do really well in the construction trades. Showing up to work on time every morning is 50% of the job, and not leaving until 4:30 is the other 50% of the job. Also, not being stoned all day long is a guaranteed fast-track to management. Standards are very low, is my point.
You remind me of my BIL. After over a decade, he retired from AF. He is having troubles finding a job as well, and he has a good reference. He used to even work for the White House. I can imagine he's also depressed, based on his Facebook Status.
I'm sorry you're going through this depression. It IS hard to find a job, a career. A lot of us envisioned we will get into a career path, but ended up doing something else, just to pay the bills. I agree with the post of getting a job, any job. It'll get you going. It'll give you a routine. I took me about 8 months to find a job that I was willing to settle into, only to be laid off a year later. Now I'm working for a company that I had not envisioned doing. I seriously didn't even know this position existed, but it pays the bills. That's life.
Welcome to the party, being unemployed and depressed is not fun.....
Hold on, you have a job? a place to live? a past career? past experience? references who are willing to communicate? veteran status? government benefits? You have ALL of this, I don't understand. The things I would do for a fraction of that.
I don't have any government benefits. I didn't retire from the military. I was (honorably) discharged. Also, no one seems to care that I'm a veteran and USAjobs has been fruitless so far.
But, yes, I am thankful that I have the part-time job. If nothing else, I'll make some money and won't have a gap on my resume.
Quote:
Originally Posted by patches403
So basically you've been depressed and suicidal because you were turned down for one job? Welcome to Life 101 - nobody gets every job they interview for and sometimes promised jobs fall through for any number of reasons. Seems like you should be posting this in the mental health forum and not the work forum because you should get some counseling. I would see what counseling is available to you thru your VA benefits and take advantage of it.
I don't have any VA benefits.
And it wasn't just being turned down for the job. I had a plan for after discharge that took me a long time to put together. This is what the military pushes constantly. I did get turned down and that did bother me, but it was more of the straw that broke the camel's back kind of thing. And a lot of it was the way it was handled. It was for an internship program where I interviewed a month ago. I was told I would get a response, but, instead, I called and the secretary just told me "We forgot to send you anything. That sucks." I heard the same thing when I lost that job due to that bad referral: "That sucks". Yes, it does suck.
A lot of it too was that I had a support system in the military. I had a lot of close friends that are now dispersed throughout the country. I miss them and feel a bit lost in the civilian world.
Quote:
I also don't understand how your career over before it began because you had one job offer fall through. Is this the only company in the entire USA that exists in the career track you wanted? Did you try to apply at other companies in your desired field - even if you would have to relocate? You can't get a great job where you're living now if you're in an area that has few jobs.
I am absolutely willing to relocate and have been applying for jobs throughout the country. And, no, this is definitely not the only company. Thank you for putting that into perspective.
Quote:
Do you know why your prior supervisor gave you a bad reference? Can you make nice with this former supervisor? Even if you can't, seems like you would have had to have been in the military for enough years that you should have multiple prior supervisors other than the bad one who could provide you a reference. Have you reached out to them? Have you been networking since you've been out? Ex-military love to employ other ex-military in all kinds of industries so what type of networking have you done with your military connections?
I was given a vague response as to why I got a bad reference. And, yes, I have had a bunch of supervisors. I was able to get a part-time job based on references from the others. So I guess they gave me good references.
Unfortunately, it seems like I can't tell when I'm going to get a bad reference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nanannie
You are so young, this will pass. The job wasn't for you, another will be.
There are far worse problems , please put your attention on what you are grateful for.
Life is not all smooth. Make this stumbling block your stepping stone and carry on soldier.
And thank you for serving.
Wish you the best,
Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jertheber
Your story can be the poster statement for so many young guys coming out of the military. First off, if you think you may be clinically depressed, you've got other problems to attend to besides the lack of good employment. You didn't elaborate on the why of the poor recommendation you got, was it true or is there some bad blood between you and that person?
From the little that I heard, it was true, but it was blown way out of proportion and was not very recent. I worked in a very stressful career field (to the point where one of my coworkers actually attempted suicide and was committed to a mental hospital for a month.....at that point, we were critically manned and I had to take over all of her duties...I pretty much worked 7 days a week for 6 months to keep things afloat).
We did have some issues in the past, but I thought they were all resolved. He never said or did anything to make me believe differently. Apparently, I was wrong.
Quote:
It isn't all that uncommon to find yourself still stumbling along in life at an age where you thought things would be going smoothly and life being a happy go lucky affair. The realization that things aren't always as you see them may be your first clue as to the need for constant self awareness, it could be that your social; skills are lacking, or that you come off as being insincere, moody? Argumentative? looking deep into your past behavior can be a real project, it requires your complete honesty, and the stamina to dig through it all. The answers you're looking for, are in you, but that can be a hard revelation for many to deal with.
I don't think I have issues with social skills or that I come off as insincere (if anything, I've always been told that I don't have a filter, which has gotten me into trouble in its own right). I can be moody and sometimes argumentative. I won't deny that and it has been something that I've been working on. Still, I was very committed to my job and did what it took to get the job done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mac_Donalds
Civilians should understand that the military doesn't really train you for real life. They SAY they do, and there might be some skills, etc... that transfer, but in fact the opposite is true. The military trains you to accept that someone else runs your life. You do what they say, go where they send you, take what they give you etc...
Yeah, pretty much. The military tends to be a much more structured environment than the civilian world. You do what you are told. You work where they tell you to. I did have a particular career and life plan lined up. It's difficult to explain, but that is completely off-limits to me now. And I feel a bit lost.
Quote:
There's a certain amount of "post-partum depression" coming out of the military. After spending years? being indoctrinated into NOT doing things based on what YOU think, it's not just a matter of learning, it's also a matter of UN-learning most of what daily habits and behaviors have been conditioned into you.
Yes, things are a lot more black-and-white in the military. I don't miss it at all and, in some ways, my current situation is a bit better than my military situation (lol), but I definitely miss some of the people that I grew close with (and you get very close with people in the military). Every night, I dream of them and I wake up a bit depressed.
Quote:
OP I recommend you set your sights lower. Stop thinking about the big picture and lofty notions about "career" and instead focus on a job, and a relationship with an employer/mentor. I did this when I got out (accidentally) and it was the best thing for me. An old man with decades of experience and the patience to put up with my idiocy while I learned skills that serve me to this day. Plan on a year of simply reassimilating into civilian life and learning how to make decisions for yourself. Craigslist is a great way for a motivated person to get into a paid relationship instantly (as in TOMORROW). Get ready to get cheated, swindled, etc... but those are good life experiences too. Bad people have a stink to them, and as soon as you learn what they smell like the better off you'll be. Remember if it feels wrong, it's wrong. Get a nice clean job like framing, trim carpentry, etc... and not something nasty like concrete work. Unless you like that sort of thing, lol. Learn spanish, so you can talk to the mexicans when you are running their crew. A motivated and intelligent person that speaks spanish can do really well in the construction trades. Showing up to work on time every morning is 50% of the job, and not leaving until 4:30 is the other 50% of the job. Also, not being stoned all day long is a guaranteed fast-track to management. Standards are very low, is my point.
LOL If there's one thing that I learned in the military, it's how to work hard. I don't do drugs. I don't even drink. I have no problem coming in early and staying late to get the job done. I'm not very good at learning languages, but I can attempt spanish. I do see a lot of jobs that require someone bilingual.
And, yes, I have been lied to and cheated a lot in the past few months (but that happened in the military too). The civilian world is not what I expected, but neither was the military.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aliwalas
You remind me of my BIL. After over a decade, he retired from AF. He is having troubles finding a job as well, and he has a good reference. He used to even work for the White House. I can imagine he's also depressed, based on his Facebook Status.
I'm sorry you're going through this depression. It IS hard to find a job, a career. A lot of us envisioned we will get into a career path, but ended up doing something else, just to pay the bills. I agree with the post of getting a job, any job. It'll get you going. It'll give you a routine. I took me about 8 months to find a job that I was willing to settle into, only to be laid off a year later. Now I'm working for a company that I had not envisioned doing. I seriously didn't even know this position existed, but it pays the bills. That's life.
Good luck!
Thank you. Yes, things are not how I thought they would be. That post was written during a moment of weakness on a day where nothing was going right.
If you haven't used the GI bill yet, look into the vr&e program. As people will tell you, college isn't for everyone but the vr&e helps retrain vets for civilian jobs/life Vocational Rehabilitation and Employment (VR&E) Home If I remember correctly you can't use both it and gi, which is why I ask about the gi bill before. You get this benefit if you didn't know about it already
If you haven't used the GI bill yet, look into the vr&e program. As people will tell you, college isn't for everyone but the vr&e helps retrain vets for civilian jobs/life Vocational Rehabilitation and Employment (VR&E) Home If I remember correctly you can't use both it and gi, which is why I ask about the gi bill before. You get this benefit if you didn't know about it already
Good post. I mentioned before that I'm an HR manager in state government, there are a lot of positions in my facility and elsewhere that actively look to recruit veterans and give them preferential hiring status. We also count as on the job training for the VA, and new hires receive a stipend for the first two years of employment on top of their regular salary.
I would recommend the OP look into state and local government positions and take his local civil service test. USAjobs is federal and those positions will not be listed there, or on monster/careerbuilder/etc. We have a state specific job site set up for all state/local positions, I would look to see if your state does as well.
If you haven't used the GI bill yet, look into the vr&e program. As people will tell you, college isn't for everyone but the vr&e helps retrain vets for civilian jobs/life Vocational Rehabilitation and Employment (VR&E) Home If I remember correctly you can't use both it and gi, which is why I ask about the gi bill before. You get this benefit if you didn't know about it already
I haven't used my GI bill yet. I most likely will, but I don't want to just jump into it without a clear plan. Many of my friends have done this. They majored in basket weaving and pretty much wasted their GI bill.
Voc rehab is only available to veterans that are 30% disabled. I'm not disabled.
Good post. I mentioned before that I'm an HR manager in state government, there are a lot of positions in my facility and elsewhere that actively look to recruit veterans and give them preferential hiring status. We also count as on the job training for the VA, and new hires receive a stipend for the first two years of employment on top of their regular salary.
I did establish a VSO out here, but he never told me about this. I googled this and didn't find any websites for specifically state government jobs. The only site that I ever heard of is USAjobs. Do you know of any different one? Or could you send me a link to your state site and I'll see if I could find anything from there.
Quote:
I would recommend the OP look into state and local government positions and take his local civil service test. USAjobs is federal and those positions will not be listed there, or on monster/careerbuilder/etc. We have a state specific job site set up for all state/local positions, I would look to see if your state does as well.
Are you sure it was a prior employer who gave you a bad reference that kept you from getting that job? The reason I ask is that most new employers check references BEFORE they hire you. Not after. Maybe their business really did change so that they don't need someone new.
Rejection hurts. But there will come a day when you are not rejected (yay!).
First things first: Do you have a skill or vocation? That is, the question is do you know how to DO something that someone will pay you to do? Or are you just looking for something unskilled?
If you don't have a skill or vocation, now is the time to learn something. Excellent that yu have a part time job, so you can focus on learning a skill or vocation.
Trying to get unskilled jobs is hard, since a million people apply for those jobs. The competition is stiff. You're also competing with illegal immigrants sometimes.
Young men sometimes go through an epiphany at your age. They're 30 and haven't found their niche in society yet. You still have time.
If you stick with unskilled jobs, try to stick with things that aren't too physical, so yu don't injury your back or something, which would stay with yu for life.
How about getting into retail sales and working toward assistant manager, then manager? Looooong hours. It's not for me, but some people like that. How about restaurant work? Starting at the bottom and working your way up? Again, looooong hours and low pay. I don't know what you'd like, but there must be something you're interested in.
This low period will pass. Tomorrow will be better. Be grateful for all that you have...a place to stay, your health, a part time job, parents, family. You'll get this figured out, and things will fall into place. It'll happen.
(Keep thinking about what you want to do, what you're interested in.)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
