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You're right but filters are so unnecessary (unless you're Donald Trump obv). I mean you can be honest without being rude.
If I said the wrong thing in an interview, why don't you tell me? I can clarify the statement. How is it helping me any if I don't know what I did wrong? If I ask someone for feedback they're not sure because they weren't there and sometimes even if they were there they won't know...only the interviewer would know why they didn't pick me.
If everyone was honest then the world would be a better place.
I'm not an interviewer, but I think they think that it serves as sort of an "honesty test." Why would you be nervous if you didn't have anything to hide? Well, you and I do have something to hide, but it's not what employers may guess. Ironically, some of these "honesty tests"(especially the personality tests) may result in employers hiring many very good liars. Of course, maybe I'm biased. After all, I used to feel like people were acting when they expressed really clear emotions publicly. For example, I see a salesman smiling I may think, "that person is smiling, because he or she is trying to sell me something; that's all." In my opinion, it should be rude to create a "false" emotional connection (for example, if a person smiles at you, they're just being friendly; they probably don't want to be your friend.), but NTs do it all of the time, and workplaces encourage it!
Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy politeness, but sometimes people who are overly polite are annoying because it is so obviously FAKE. Don't annoy me by pretending to be my friend, learning my name and greeting me, and then turn on me! If you make me think you are going to do something, do it. If you tell me, "let's hang out at the library sometimes," you should set a time to meet me at the library and talk to me! Don't just say things to make yourself look good or to make the situation more pleasant. Isn't that almost as bad as playing a joke on someone at their expense? Can you believe how normal it is to hurt people in this society?
You're right but filters are so unnecessary (unless you're Donald Trump obv). I mean you can be honest without being rude.
If I said the wrong thing in an interview, why don't you tell me? I can clarify the statement. How is it helping me any if I don't know what I did wrong? If I ask someone for feedback they're not sure because they weren't there and sometimes even if they were there they won't know...only the interviewer would know why they didn't pick me.
If everyone was honest then the world would be a better place.
An employer giving you feedback about an interview is a far cry from a co-worker remarking to you that your hair is dirty or that you have B.O. OP is not close to any co-workers and none can be considered her friends. Someone did tell her she needed to wear a bra, but when there are 20 things, from bad breath to ill-fitting clothes to dirty hair to an odor to dark facial hair, I mean how much can you expect from co-workers? I would be reluctant to tell all that to anyone, and I am sure they know something is amiss with OP, perhaps they are anxious about how she might react.
KMB, the other co-worker who doesn't wear a bra may be smaller-breasted than you or chose thicker clothing and no one can tell if she's wearing a bra or not. Your breasts and/or nipples must have been either visible or very obviously unsupported and bouncing around for someone to notice and say that to you.
I don't wear a bra at work either, but I don't bounce and I wear a camisole and scrubs that are baggy and thick enough material that no one could ever tell. I would never not wear a bra if I wore thin scrubs one day because my nipples would show. It's not that there are different rules. In a setting like yours, with teen juvenile delinquents, it is detrimental to the students (and to you for that matter) if they can see so easily you're not wearing undergarments. Your co-workers were probably trying to save you embarrassment since you're already a target for the students' mockery as it is.
You complain no one gives you feedback, but then when someone does, you get defensive and complain that there are different rules that apply only to you and that the feedback you got was unfair.
You need life skills. You need to find an organization that helps people with disabilities to help you gain these life skills. You might even look for a group home to live in where there is a fully functioning adult to oversee things.
An employer giving you feedback about an interview is a far cry from a co-worker remarking to you that your hair is dirty or that you have B.O. OP is not close to any co-workers and none can be considered her friends. Someone did tell her she needed to wear a bra, but when there are 20 things, from bad breath to ill-fitting clothes to dirty hair to an odor to dark facial hair, I mean how much can you expect from co-workers? I would be reluctant to tell all that to anyone, and I am sure they know something is amiss with OP, perhaps they are anxious about how she might react.
KMB, the other co-worker who doesn't wear a bra may be smaller-breasted than you or chose thicker clothing and no one can tell if she's wearing a bra or not. Your breasts and/or nipples must have been either visible or very obviously unsupported and bouncing around for someone to notice and say that to you.
I don't wear a bra at work either, but I don't bounce and I wear a camisole and scrubs that are baggy and thick enough material that no one could ever tell. I would never not wear a bra if I wore thin scrubs one day because my nipples would show. It's not that there are different rules. In a setting like yours, with teen juvenile delinquents, it is detrimental to the students (and to you for that matter) if they can see so easily you're not wearing undergarments. Your co-workers were probably trying to save you embarrassment since you're already a target for the students' mockery as it is.
You complain no one gives you feedback, but then when someone does, you get defensive and complain that there are different rules that apply only to you and that the feedback you got was unfair.
Well, that may be the way it sounded, but let me explain. I was also wearing something loose and not really possible to see through. Plus, I had a tank top underneath my shirt, so I didn't think there was a way for anyone to see anything obvious. Someone still complained, though... The person who mentioned it even commented on my loose clothing and said that it looked like maybe I was trying to cover up that I wasn't wearing a bra that day.
Well, that may be the way it sounded, but let me explain. I was also wearing something loose and not really possible to see through. Plus, I had a tank top underneath my shirt, so I didn't think there was a way for anyone to see anything obvious. Someone still complained, though... The person who mentioned it even commented on my loose clothing and said that it looked like maybe I was trying to cover up that I wasn't wearing a bra that day.
Yes, but you weren't wearing a bra that day, and it apparently WAS noticeable that you weren't. Again, you said yourself you don't know what you're doing wrong on your own, you need someone to tell you, then they do and you insist they are wrong. They KNEW you weren't wearing a bra, that means you didn't cover up that you weren't, period, end of story.
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When I was a child, I had big dreams and lofty goals. Even now, I often daydream about becoming a zookeeper, a famous writer and traveler, a model, and perhaps a private teacher with her own tutoring service. The problem, though, is I'm thirty years old, and these are still just dreams. Now, I went to school and got a couple of degrees, but it's still not that easy to find regular entertaining work. I majored in Education, but I work in a detention center, and I often find myself on the receiving end of reprimands, and I have been threatened with termination. I'm wondering if it's time to move on or if I should try to keep this until I find something better? I know it's not a good idea to quit with nothing lined up, and substitute teaching actually pays less than the job I have, but I need to do something.
Do you abuse the prisoners/inmates? I heard most correction officers do.
You need life skills. You need to find an organization that helps people with disabilities to help you gain these life skills. You might even look for a group home to live in where there is a fully functioning adult to oversee things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
Yes, but you weren't wearing a bra that day, and it apparently WAS noticeable that you weren't. Again, you said yourself you don't know what you're doing wrong on your own, you need someone to tell you, then they do and you insist they are wrong. They KNEW you weren't wearing a bra, that means you didn't cover up that you weren't, period, end of story.
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I believe both of you that I need life skills training, but it's just really really really defeating to be in every other way a perfectly functional human being with often above average intelligence and relatively normal reasoning going through something like this. No wonder people overlooked me so much as a child. It's like people have seen the disabled person all of my life, and I've just recently been quite rudely awakened to it.
I'm not an interviewer, but I think they think that it serves as sort of an "honesty test." Why would you be nervous if you didn't have anything to hide? Well, you and I do have something to hide, but it's not what employers may guess. Ironically, some of these "honesty tests"(especially the personality tests) may result in employers hiring many very good liars. Of course, maybe I'm biased. After all, I used to feel like people were acting when they expressed really clear emotions publicly. For example, I see a salesman smiling I may think, "that person is smiling, because he or she is trying to sell me something; that's all." In my opinion, it should be rude to create a "false" emotional connection (for example, if a person smiles at you, they're just being friendly; they probably don't want to be your friend.), but NTs do it all of the time, and workplaces encourage it!
Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy politeness, but sometimes people who are overly polite are annoying because it is so obviously FAKE. Don't annoy me by pretending to be my friend, learning my name and greeting me, and then turn on me! If you make me think you are going to do something, do it. If you tell me, "let's hang out at the library sometimes," you should set a time to meet me at the library and talk to me! Don't just say things to make yourself look good or to make the situation more pleasant. Isn't that almost as bad as playing a joke on someone at their expense? Can you believe how normal it is to hurt people in this society?
I like this post,I see it EVERYDAY they ACT nice and put a fake smile(like a person doesn't see through that) those are the worse people deep down alot of them have hidden anger. Don't get me wrong I also say be polite to people,but i also like it someone keeps it real if you like me cool,if you dont cool. The world is 99% fake,1% real
Do you abuse the prisoners/inmates? I heard most correction officers do.
She works in a state school and has a class with elementary/middle school aged kids. I worked in such a school once, when you read their charts you would have more compassion hopefully, the things they went through in their young lives were often chilling. Some of these kids are young and not totally lost yet, in fact many of the kids (one girl especially who I never forgot) were desperate to learn and be able to read like other kids (some were 10 or 11 and couldn't read a paragraph in a children's book). The kids in the class I worked with went from as young as 7 up to about 12. These kids need a good teacher with an inner drive to help them IMO even more than students in a normal school who have parental support (most of these kids were abused by a parent or parent's boyfriend and removed from the home - can you imagine what that does to self-esteem, that jerk boyfriend still gets to live there with mom, and he is now in a group home? It creates a ton of IMO very understandable anger). Even if just one could be reached it would be worth it to me, and I feel bad that they have someone who is so unable to communicate with them.
Last edited by ocnjgirl; 11-10-2016 at 08:40 PM..
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The person who mentioned it even commented on my loose clothing and said that it looked like maybe I was trying to cover up that I wasn't wearing a bra that day. 
