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Well, I went shopping today with a friend for more parts of my "work uniform," mostly skirts and tops in various colors. I put together an outfit from some of the things I picked out, tried it on, and showed it to my friend; she said that it wasn't her style but it looked okay on me. I asked her if anything seemed "weird" or if she thought I would look strange if I showed up to work the way I looked with the outfit on. She said that it shouldn't be a problem and that nothing looked particularly strange to her. My friend also suggested that I go through my closet and separate everything I can't or don't wear so that I can donate it and not allow it to take up space.
My friend is not on the spectrum, to my knowledge, but is a busy stay-at-home mom with pretty normal fashion sense. She doesn't like "girly" outfits and prefers jeans and a T-shirt, but I tend to wear skirts and dresses because I'm overweight and a little cautious about perceived modesty. I guess I could wear a pair of pants and a jacket, but I've already mentioned why I don't regularly wear pants.
Maintaining my look is another story, though, as I frequently just don't take care of my clothes. I guess maybe I'm too careful. Most of my current stuff has "hand wash" on the care instructions, and I don't really wash them unless it's absolutely necessary, because I don't want the colors to fade or run. I purchased a manual washing machine system, but it doesn't seem to do much better than just light fabric soap and water.
I've also heard a few people express the opinion that pants and even tights and leggings are immodest, so I've tried to avoid wearing those in public out of respect, although I do wear them once in a while. Hey, it makes as much sense as anything else I've heard, I guess...
(SNIP)
I must have missed this post yesterday (I believe that I was typing while you posted it).
I wonder what clothes you are buying that say "hand wash"? Frankly, the last time that I purchased anything that said hand wash was at least 25 years ago, and that was strictly by accident. BTW, it machine washed just fine on delicate cycle.
I'm also confused by your comment about "a few people" expressing that pants are immodest. Unless, these people are your bosses or co-workers I don't understand why it should bother them if you wear pants, tights or leggings to work.
In fact, I have had students whose religion forbid women & girls from wearing pants and the girls always wore tights or leggings under their skirts or dresses specifically to stay modest during school (because of running & moving during recess and gym classes).
Do you live in an area with a lot of strict religious sects that dictate what people can wear that are not a member of their religion? I'm somewhat surprised at that, but maybe that is common where you live or maybe I am misunderstanding your point.
Of course, if you feel that pants are immodest that is a completely different matter.
BTW, I am so glad that you bought some more work clothes. It will make it much easier to find an appropriate, clean outfit for work in the future. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the items are machine washable.
I must have missed this post yesterday (I believe that I was typing while you posted it).
I wonder what clothes you are buying that say "hand wash"? Frankly, the last time that I purchased anything that said hand wash was at least 25 years ago, and that was strictly by accident. BTW, it machine washed just fine on delicate cycle.
I'm also confused by your comment about "a few people" expressing that pants are immodest. Unless, these people are your bosses or co-workers I don't understand why it should bother them if you wear pants, tights or leggings to work.
In fact, I have had students whose religion forbid women & girls from wearing pants and the girls always wore tights or leggings under their skirts or dresses specifically to stay modest during school (because of running & moving during recess and gym classes).
Do you live in an area with a lot of strict religious sects that dictate what people can wear that are not a member of their religion? I'm somewhat surprised at that, but maybe that is common where you live or maybe I am misunderstanding your point.
Of course, if you feel that pants are immodest that is a completely different matter.
BTW, I am so glad that you bought some more work clothes. It will make it much easier to find an appropriate, clean outfit for work in the future. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the items are machine washable.
I'm trained to let what other people believe bother me a little, I guess. I think in this sense I'm a little superstitious and do feel more comfortable doing certain activities around certain people than around others. This is one of the habits I would like to break, but, what if my older coworkers think I think that pants are immodest? What if I wear them too tight and send the wrong messages to the kids and my coworkers? What if I've been wearing skirts and dresses to work for so long that my coworkers get confused if I suddenly show up in pants? Wouldn't that be a little like showing up without a scarf if I acted like I followed a religion that required those? (I have adopted a lot of habits that don't really make sense to me to avoid cultural "mine fields" and appease an overactive conscience. I won't say anything is bad or good that other people do, really, and I wish I could stop changing myself to fit what I think other people think! I know if I were in a different area where these opinions weren't expressed, I would dress the way I wanted.) Plus, I think I mentioned before that I don't like pants because I'm overweight, and it's easier to flatter my shape with skirts and dresses than pants. I do own at least one pair of dress pants, though, and can use them if I need them. Plus, it sometimes genuinely makes me nervous to dress in ways that other people think are wrong in front of those people, and sometimes even away from them. <---this is one of the habits the therapist I'm working with wants me to try to break. It doesn't really help, though, that a few churches I've visited have male ministers who have expressed these views. I don't think it's immodest, but what if it really is like I'm walking around naked to these people? I don't want anyone to perceive me like that! While I don't really understand the mindset, I'm getting a very strong impression that it's really there. I've heard preachers talking about scantily clad women dressing that way to "tempt" them. I don't understand at all how the way one person dresses can affect anyone else, but I miss a lot of the picture most of the time, so I guess it makes as much sense as anything else.
Point taken, but that's not really true. You know, sometimes people pay you to help other people enjoy their lives, and I think I could totally get a sense of fulfillment out of that.
Pants are not immodest, even to older people. Good crimminey nidddly. Now there may be times when very tight form fitting pants, or very short shorts might be inappropriate, like in school, or at work, but in a general sense, pants themselves are not. Lord Almighty girl, even my mama wore pants to church back in the 70s. Most women where I work now wear pants. If one of them came to work in a skirt, we'd ask whose funeral are you going to?
Well, I went shopping today with a friend for more parts of my "work uniform," mostly skirts and tops in various colors. I put together an outfit from some of the things I picked out, tried it on, and showed it to my friend; she said that it wasn't her style but it looked okay on me. I asked her if anything seemed "weird" or if she thought I would look strange if I showed up to work the way I looked with the outfit on. She said that it shouldn't be a problem and that nothing looked particularly strange to her. My friend also suggested that I go through my closet and separate everything I can't or don't wear so that I can donate it and not allow it to take up space.
My friend is not on the spectrum, to my knowledge, but is a busy stay-at-home mom with pretty normal fashion sense. She doesn't like "girly" outfits and prefers jeans and a T-shirt, but I tend to wear skirts and dresses because I'm overweight and a little cautious about perceived modesty. I guess I could wear a pair of pants and a jacket, but I've already mentioned why I don't regularly wear pants.
It might not look "strange" to her, but she also doesn't sound like she was particularly honest with you (beginning with "it's not my style" means "I don't like that") and was trying to be nice rather than truly helping you find things that look good on you. Nothing she said indicates she really thought anything you tried on was actually flattering to you, just not "weird or strange". Is that your desire, not to look the best you can look, only to not appear "strange"? Why didn't you go back to the store or another where trained people can really help you find a style that is both flattering and easy to care for?
You never answered what your therapist tried to get you to do that freaked you out.
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