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Yeah I don't even try to make friends at work. I just go do my job and stay under the radar as much as possible. One way to tell if someone is a friend at work is to see how they act if you're facing a layoff. It happened to me two years ago and I was shocked by the number of *******s I worked with.
Interesting thread. Both spouse and myself made some good, long-lasting friendships at work...years ago. Nowdays, we don't make any. My adult daughter & her spouse do not have friendships in the workplace & say this is the norm. I believe it's a differerent era, with different attitudes & expectations.
I agree it is hard to form real friendships at work, but it is a sad thing because these are the people I am around all day long. If I didn't see any of them again I know I would not care. It would be lovely to spend time with the people I care about, instead of using up all my emotional resources maintaining civil relations with coworkers to keep the job running smooth.
I have socialized with a few coworkers outside of work in an attempt to form a bond. Yet, doing that makes me vulnerable if I do start to really care, because I surely believe they won't care. Maybe that is how they see me. We are in a work culture that forces us not to trust one another.
I think it's funny when I hear people talk about how they have "friends" at work. I believed that too when I got my first job. Well, I believed that until I actually overheard my "best friend" who I ate lunch with regularly and would chat with on a regular basis, pass along a criticism I made about the company to management. I'm quiet and I was working late that day, but she didn't know I was still there. I was absolutely shocked. Then when the layoff came, that I was a part of, some of the other people who had been friendly towards me didn't seem to care.
I have also noticed when someone quits or gets fired, the next day it's just business as usual and everyone has forgotten about the person, like the person had never even worked for the company.
Now I just shut up and do my job without socializing or giving much thought to the other people. I mean, what's the point of pretending to be friends with someone who doesn't really give a flip about you?
That sounds more like being able to distinguish between real friends and just coworkers or work acquaintances.
I left somewhere under bad circumstances. I still have friends who still work there. A couple that I thought were friends - never heard from them. I contributed to their pet charities, supported them when they were having issues at work, etc. But I knew deep down that they weren't real friends. They weren't really good people, either.
I followed up with a couple of laid off "friends" at work, to see if they were okay, to maintain contact with them, to sympathize with them. We had been more than acquaintances, and that didn't change, except I never saw them again, since they lived far away, we didn't work together any more, and most adults don't hang together because they're involved in their own lives with their families.
I only have a few good friends. I met all of them at work. A person needs to discern between people at work: who is a good person, who is a real friend vs. who is just an acquaintance coworker.
Life does go on after someone leaves, whether through being terminated or death. The world, or a business, doesn't stop because someone departs. That doesn't always mean, though, that you are not missed. I heard back after I left somewhere that a couple of people were bemoaning the fact that I wasn't there. Not sure why, whether it was personal or because I was very good at my job. That made me feel a bit good, though. Although...in the end, it doesn't matter.
We have one or two of our employees who will be leaving soon, probably within the next month. We only have 5 employees total, so that will be a huge personnel change. They have very good reasons for leaving: long commute times, low pay, long hours, etc, but they will be missed. They will also be hard to replace with good employees. What I don't understand is why employers are so shortsighted that they would rather save a buck short term than invest more money in their good workers to keep them longer and avoid high turnover. Although I consider them fun people for work, they aren't my friends, as most coworkers aren't, so I won't hang out with them after they leave. We have nothing at all in common.
i find it weird that most posters have these binary extremes. there are some that are like they never talk to anyone at work (no chit-chat, and dont share any information about themselves -- not even their marital status or how many kids they have). -- do these people really sit in the break room for :30 minutes in complete silence.
and then there are those that want to be besties with their whole department. expecting to be invited to each family wedding, kids birthday party, ... -- do these people really want to spend 18 hours a day with strangers.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stanley-88888888
i find it weird that most posters have these binary extremes. there are some that are like they never talk to anyone at work (no chit-chat, and dont share any information about themselves -- not even their marital status or how many kids they have). -- do these people really sit in the break room for :30 minutes in complete silence.
and then there are those that want to be besties with their whole department. expecting to be invited to each family wedding, kids birthday party, ... -- do these people really want to spend 18 hours a day with strangers.
There is not always a break room opportunity. My office has about 400 people, and while we have a cafe on the ground floor where employees can sit and eat their own lunch, there is no break room. Each floor has two coffee rooms, but no place to sit, just a refrigerator, coffee and tea. Most of us go out to eat at one of the local restaurants or eat in our office or cubicle. The "chit-chat" is mostly limited to people passing by that stop for a few minutes.
We, Americans tend to have this unhealthy, idealistic version of our jobs and everything that goes along with that. We look for places where we can buy into the corporate vision, work next to people just like ourselves, and try to make the world a better place! Yet, we are unhappy. This post, and most people on this forum reflect that.
Remember folks, no one on their death bed said, I wish I could have worked more!
It's because of TV. In TV world, coworkers are always the best of friends. People grow up thinking that's how it's going to be in real life
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