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I've posted about my abusive workplace before and many kind people replied. A couple of people said I should grow a thicker skin and I should. That said, here is the latest situation: I got my hair cut at a good salon on Monday. My hair is a little fried from overcoloring but in general is not too bad. It's also a thinning a little from stress. The stylist cut an inch or so off and added bangs which I think is a nice change. It's about shoulder length, reddish brown, and not perfect but certainly not gross or anything. I go to great lengths to blow dry it well and was feeling so much better about how it was looking post cut. About half way through the day a co worker came up to me before a meeting and I asked him what it was going to be about. He said, "You, your hair, and how it sets such a bad example." I was floored! My hair is far from perfect but I actually got a compliment on the change and thought people would acknowledge that at least I did something about it. I don't think I can work with this man and am not sure what I should do.
I don't know much about your past exchanges, but it just sounds like he is being a bully to you. Its kinda hard to now stand up to him, but its always possible. Have you let management know that he harrasses you? What are your informal resolution procedures? These are a few tools you can use to get the problem resloved, or you can decide to match wits with him and be as nasty, but it can lead to both of you being outta work. I would 1st try the informal resoultion system where you and him and a neutral 3rd party(non management) is present to let him know you have a problem with the way he talks to you. If he still doesn't want to change, I would get management involved and let them know that you tried to solve the problem on your on, but he continues to harrass you and go on from there.
About half way through the day a co worker came up to me before a meeting and I asked him what it was going to be about. He said, "You, your hair, and how it sets such a bad example." I was floored! My hair is far from perfect but I actually got a compliment on the change and thought people would acknowledge that at least I did something about it. I don't think I can work with this man and am not sure what I should do.
B.H81 gave some good advice.
I would keep a log and make certain that the bully did not know of this.
'Give him enough rope and he will hang himself'--with documentation from you.
Say nothing. Do not engage him. If possible never speak to him. CYA--at all times.
From the comment you made about 'trying to do something about it...' I suspect you are easily intimidated and this guy knows it. Knows he some kind of power/control over you.
I think I would enroll in a kick boxing class or some sort self defense class --just for myself. Increase your personal power/confidence in your self any way you can.
Sexual harrassment, get the most dirtbag scumbag lawyer you can find. If you have any money, slap it on their desk and ask them to make his life miserable. The company won't like this at all. You remind the company of how much anxiety this has caused you and how you had to hire an attorney to protect yourself.
Use words like hostile work environment, sexual harrassment....because it is.
Yeah, and document, but don't let this go on...get to an attorney.
Remember, Human Resources willl claim to help but they will protect the company first, not you.
Sexual harrassment, get the most dirtbag scumbag lawyer you can find. If you have any money, slap it on their desk and ask them to make his life miserable. The company won't like this at all. You remind the company of how much anxiety this has caused you and how you had to hire an attorney to protect yourself.
Use words like hostile work environment, sexual harrassment....because it is.
I dont' think he is giving any red light behavor from his comments, so if you go for a strong accusation like this, you better have some proof to back it up. Him making comments about your hair is not sexuall harrassment since he is not saying it makes you look like a *****, or only strippers wear something like that. He said it sets a bad example. Now that can be taken a lot of ways, but I don't think the sexual harrassment bug will bite. Now if he has said things to you sexual in nature its another story. Now you may have a case for sexual discrimination if he is targeting you for being a woman. Make sure you communicate correctly what the problem is, becuase if somebody who worked for me said sexual harrassment, the actions I take would be much different than sexual discrimination, its a different set of tools to work with.
Did everyone in the office "oooh" and "aaaahhh" over your hair? Perhaps it was merely a commentary on what was going on around him, i.e. hair conversations.
If someone had said that to me I suspect I would have responded with something along the lines of "Well, then I better "brush" up before the meeting starts."
I don't hear any harassment, sexual or otherwise. All I hear is an insensitive co-worker.
honestly, I dont mean to downplay your feelings. But it sounds like he was just kidding and maybe even complimenting you. Maybe this person has a different kind of sense of humor and has no idea he hurt your feelings? is that possible? I can't imagine someone would say something like that to hurt you, it really sounds like maybe it was a joke, in good humor not mean humor.
It seems like his people skills are zero. Practice come backs like "Your hair ain't so bad either"...Don't bully or yell at him, using humor is the best way. If you make an easy target for bullies, maybe you do need to get some selfsteem work done. I agree that a selfdefence class does wonders. It's not only good to know how to defend yourself physically but such a class does wonders for your selfworth.
Are others in hearing range of this? How do they react? Do they all chime in and laugh or comment?
If it's continuing, you need to go to management and tell them it's a hostile work environment. They hate that word and harrassment, that's another one...But if it's everyone around you or just one fool, there's a difference. If it's just one fool, then the smarta$s comments may throw him off, act like it's a joke to you, he'll go away...but if it's the fact everyone made a joke out of you, then it's something you need to take other action on, go to management or decide you've had it working there and get some counseling to help with your selfesteem.
If you have a victim's outlook, you send signals to a potential bullies' radar and I am not blaming you for what's being done to you, don't take what I say that way. But if this happens a lot there may be something you can do.
If you're unsure about it all, try writing down how you feel maybe that'll help in that you'll have a better view over the whole situation. And it'll keep track of incidents just in case.
I dont' think he is giving any red light behavor from his comments, so if you go for a strong accusation like this, you better have some proof to back it up. Him making comments about your hair is not sexuall harrassment since he is not saying it makes you look like a *****, or only strippers wear something like that. He said it sets a bad example. Now that can be taken a lot of ways, but I don't think the sexual harrassment bug will bite. Now if he has said things to you sexual in nature its another story. Now you may have a case for sexual discrimination if he is targeting you for being a woman. Make sure you communicate correctly what the problem is, becuase if somebody who worked for me said sexual harrassment, the actions I take would be much different than sexual discrimination, its a different set of tools to work with.
You're trying to rationalize too much and give him the benefit of the doubt. "He says it sets a bad example."
It's sexual harrassment, because he 99% probably would not have ever made a remark like that to a man.
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