A groundbreaking study that took place over the course of fifteen years and 20,000 people confirmed an extraordinary link between those who masturbated more than ten times a week and deficient eyesight - often with blindness as a result. The study which examined chronic male and female masturbators determined that frequent participation in masturbation activities actually reduced blood flow from the eyes and redirected it towards the aroused genitalia.

Vatican - For forty-two years the citizens of the Vatican collectively bowed their heads in dismal silence as they watched their beloved New Orleans Saints march off the field in defeat. For forty-two years, a team that has only won two playoff games in its entire history finally won the Super Bowl.

After the Saints' Sunday night win against the Indianapolis Colts, citizens of the Vatican erupted in joy and merriment and took to the streets celebrating. Despite members of the Swiss...

Somewhere At Sea - Tragedy struck today on The Ark as emergency transmissions from the stalwart ship declared the captain of the ship had fallen overboard. Despite numerous search and rescue efforts, it's feared that Noah, the once great shipbuilder and captain of The Ark has been lost at sea.

The Coast Guard from a land called America, which has not yet been heard of or discovered yet, sent ships and helicopters into the area to try and find the remains of the four-hundred year...

The Vatican - In an unprecedented and completely unforeseen moment inside the Vatican today, Pope Benedict XVI, otherwise known as Georg Ratzinger, decided to drop millions of Catholic followers and take up Gangster-Rap. Effective immediately, Mr. Ratzinger has dropped any affiliation with the Catholic Church and prefers to be called by his new stage name: Rat-a-tat-tat.

Needless to say, millions of Catholics worldwide are left wondering what is to become of their faith, the Catholic...

For hundreds of thousands of years, people have long awaited the coming of the Antichrist. His coming would unite the factions of evil against the factions of good and finally pave the way for the Second Coming.

After living my life in a relatively quiet state, I have decided to come out of the closet and announce to the world that I am the Antichrist. For all those who expected it to be someone else, I am sorry to inform you that you missed the signs.

I was born...