Betsy Lawler found herself in quite the quandary while cooking dinner for her family of five on Monday evening. In what appears to be an obvious case of contamination from the factory; a sailor hat, a bulging piece of a man's forearm with an anchor tattoo, and a pipe were found in her can of spinach.

"I was shocked and horrified at first," said Lawler. "There I was just hoping to fix a nice dinner for my family and I gasped in horror when I poured the contents of the...

I've been to two, count 'em, two churches that looking back on it I would consider to be evangelistic. These were, I should add, two separate occasions with one visit to each church - not much in the way of experience... In both cases I was dating girls in high school that attended said churches and I was coaxed into going due to a failure of my personality in my teenage years to say "No" to something, especially if that something wore a skirt and had breasts.

In both cases...

Despite some fine craftsmanship on behalf of the folks at places like the Centers for Disease Control and the World Health Organization in providing what is thought to be a most effective flu vaccine this year, it appears that all their efforts may not be enough.

God announced early Tuesday morning that he would be making some last minute changes to the prevalent influenza virus in circulation to make the vaccine which prevents it practically useless.

While the majority...

In what’s been brewing for several millennia and hundreds of retaliatory verbal sparring matches, individual promoters for David and Goliath have finally announced a rematch. Fight enthusiasts are overjoyed to hear of the news and much commercial promoting is expected to ensue over the course of the next few months. There are even widespread rumors the match will consist of a “Deathcage-style” ring.

Promoters of the defending champion, King David, have erected signs and billboards...

I couldn’t wait to hold my hand out and receive the power of the chakra beads as I felt the energy centers within my body cling to them. While doing this, I sat next to my Yoga mat with starry fields of vision as my astrological chart predicted the future of me as a Gemini. Around my neck, the chi power pendant vibrated my psycho-spiritual muscles to fortuitous lengths as the organic water in my body vibrated in equilibrium with my scalar energy force.

Meanwhile, my power pyramid...