My Spirit Restored
Posted 12-08-2012 at 01:01 PM by KatieGal
I have an anxiety disorder that had been causing me psychiatric pain. Consequently I went on a rather formidable anxiety medication a few weeks ago. It solved the anxiety problem but at the cost of reducing my emotions, including my sense of humor, imagination, and my sex drive. Simply put; I felt just a little like a zombie. I think in a sense the medication acted similar to a chemical lobotomy. Up to a few weeks ago my disorder was not overpowering. Generally I could cope with it using cognitive therapy techniques. I felt fairly sure that my disorder would eventually subside and I could wean myself off of the more powerful medication.
Two days ago I started weaning myself off the medication, with doctor’s approval. I cut the tablets, and then started taking the half doses further apart time-wise. I have spent the last few nights at my boyfriend’s condominium. Weaning off this medication actually carries some risks and my boyfriend, Steve, and I thought it would be best if I spent as little time by myself as possible during the period.
The reawakening of my emotions began last night although I did not realize it at the time. I was on Steve’s PC specifically because I wanted to go to Youtube to listen to The Girl With the Flaxen Hair Debussy: The Girl with the Flaxen Hair - YouTube. Two months ago Steve sent me the link in an email to my workplace. He wrote that the music reminded him of me. Being a pathetic romantic, I started to cry right there at work as the song played. Yesterday evening the music had the same effect. I should have known something was up just by the simple fact that I had a longing to hear the music. Of course the crying was an even more profound sign.
Last night I went to sleep with Steve at my side. This morning I awoke alone in the bed. For a few moments I just laid there on my side listening to the shower running in the bathroom one room away. A short time later the shower ceased, and a minute or two after that Steve came tiptoeing into the bedroom with a green towel around his waist. He did not know I was lying there awake. I quietly sat up and looked at him as he slid open his closet door and began pushing back and forth his hanging shirts.
As I stared at him with his hair damp and the towel tied loosely around his waist, I became immediately turned on. I climbed out of bed, pranced over to him, put my arms around his neck, and insisted that he, well, you know. He thought I was joking, at least at first he thought I was joking, but I soon demonstrated to him that I was 100% serious. I had not felt so energetic and alive in almost three weeks.
There is nothing like the feeling of unfettered passion, no matter if it comes in the form of romantic tears stirred by lovely music, or unconstrained physical intimacy inspired by a handsome, affectionate man. I know this because, well, for several weeks I had to do without.
Two days ago I started weaning myself off the medication, with doctor’s approval. I cut the tablets, and then started taking the half doses further apart time-wise. I have spent the last few nights at my boyfriend’s condominium. Weaning off this medication actually carries some risks and my boyfriend, Steve, and I thought it would be best if I spent as little time by myself as possible during the period.
The reawakening of my emotions began last night although I did not realize it at the time. I was on Steve’s PC specifically because I wanted to go to Youtube to listen to The Girl With the Flaxen Hair Debussy: The Girl with the Flaxen Hair - YouTube. Two months ago Steve sent me the link in an email to my workplace. He wrote that the music reminded him of me. Being a pathetic romantic, I started to cry right there at work as the song played. Yesterday evening the music had the same effect. I should have known something was up just by the simple fact that I had a longing to hear the music. Of course the crying was an even more profound sign.
Last night I went to sleep with Steve at my side. This morning I awoke alone in the bed. For a few moments I just laid there on my side listening to the shower running in the bathroom one room away. A short time later the shower ceased, and a minute or two after that Steve came tiptoeing into the bedroom with a green towel around his waist. He did not know I was lying there awake. I quietly sat up and looked at him as he slid open his closet door and began pushing back and forth his hanging shirts.
As I stared at him with his hair damp and the towel tied loosely around his waist, I became immediately turned on. I climbed out of bed, pranced over to him, put my arms around his neck, and insisted that he, well, you know. He thought I was joking, at least at first he thought I was joking, but I soon demonstrated to him that I was 100% serious. I had not felt so energetic and alive in almost three weeks.
There is nothing like the feeling of unfettered passion, no matter if it comes in the form of romantic tears stirred by lovely music, or unconstrained physical intimacy inspired by a handsome, affectionate man. I know this because, well, for several weeks I had to do without.
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