Canada2

I've been writing about Canada for a while, it's quite fun but I've noticed that my humour has turned overtly Canadian meaning that half the things I write about can't be understood by anyone who Is not from Canada. Because of this I've done some extensive research(:typed “canada” in wikipedia) to help readers understand some in jokes.


First let's start with Canada itself:


It's big
Very BIG

So big in fact that only the Russians have a bigger(more empty) turf.

Canadians have the beaver as the national animal....no saucy jokes from me here.


Canada is divided into the following provinces:

Alberta
British Columbia
Manitoba
New Brunswick
Newfoundland and Labrador
Northwest Territories
Nova Scotia
Nunavut
Ontario
Prince Edward Island
Quebec
Saskatchewan
Yukon Territory

Mercifully Toronto is in Ontario which is one of the few provinces I can pronounce.

Now canadians love to say "eh?" They feel a certain necessity to do it every second and it's taken me a long time to find out when to use it. Now the rules for using eh? are as follows:

-Do it after every sentence ending in a,c,u,r,e,h,m,o,p and d.
-Do it whenever your voice raises by half an octave throughout the sentence.
-Do it whenever speaking to someone canadian
-Do it whenever...


Lets get on to some claims:

-Weed is legal is canada

Status: Holy crap true!! This was the very first question my uncle in law asked me on the phone and it probably proves why Canadians are so laid back.


-Canadians live in Igloo's

Status: False, They all live in farms or farm-like houses so big you could fit 10 British houses in them. If you go to big cities like Vancouver or Toronto then you find Canadians don't actually own houses but don't ask them because they'll deny it.


-Hockey is very bloody

Status: Mostly-true, hockey has changed over time and I'm afraid it's not in its prime. You see back when hockey started nobody used helmets, knee caps, shoulder pads or anything that would protect your vitals from a fully grown man lunging at you with metal blades on his feet. It was a good time where people got hurt quite badly, brawls would last whole matches and the fans rejoiced . Mind you, it is still quite fun to watch a guy get hit from behind, fall over and smash his head on the hard ice but it's not as satisfying without the blood.



-Canadians use monopoly money


Status: True, I'm here taking a look at their money and it's all sorts of funny colours. The 5's are blue, the 10's are purple, the 20's are green, 50's are red and I'm too poor to carry around 100's but If I could I bet they would be a funny colour too.


The coins are funny too: Cents, nickels, dimes and quarters are there just like in America apart from the fact that they all have an imprint of the queen and something Canadian.


The $1 and $2 coins are quite interesting, in the $1 there is a bird called a loonie and in the $2 there is some kind of bear(a white one who comes from the north pole). Now I would have thought they would call them bearies but no, they just call them two loonies but do it so quickly that it sounds like toonies. Together they sound like loony tunes which is.................sort of amusing.


To be continued....