My blog is all about the thoughts, feelings and experiences of a city gal in her early 30's.
The end of the summer
Posted 09-07-2008 at 09:40 PM by doglover29
Last weekend marked the end of the summer. We had a nice summer. My hubby and I took a couple of trips, including a week in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, which was great! We did some sightseeing around DC and spent a lot of time outside. The summer wasn't too hot--I remember the past two DC summers being hotter. September and October are my two favorite months. I love fall, the crisp, cooler air, and the fall colors.
Lately I've been feeling quite lonely. Hubby has been working long hours and I don't have any friends in the area. I really like everyone I work with but they haven't become friends, unfortunately. I'll get lunch with them once every few months but that's about the extent of it. You know the drill--it's because everyone is always "crazy busy" and doesn't have time to get together--everyone except me, that is. I don't think I've ever been crazy busy. I have plenty of time to get together with people, if only someone was interested.
When we first moved here, two years ago, I tried really hard to make friends. I joined social groups--all sorts of them--and constantly invited people out for lunch or coffee, and DH and I invited couples out for dinner. Rarely, if ever, were any of these invitations returned, and I got tired of always being the initiator, so none of these friendships got off the ground. After about a year of this, I just stopped trying. It was too much effort to try to make friends, and these friends never had time to get together, anyway, because they were too crazy busy. So I haven't really tried to make friends in over a year. And of course, when you don't put any effort into something, you don't get anything back. So I'm friendless here, as is DH, but he doesn't care. He doesn't have time for friends, anyway.
Today DH worked all day and I felt very lonely. I went out and did some sightseeing and went out for lunch but I felt lonely the whole time. I wished I had a gal pal to hang out with.
Back in high school, college and grad school, I had lots of friends--especially in high school. I always had people to do stuff with. But after grad school, moving around to different states (I've moved to four different cities since college in the past 9 years), it makes it harder to make new friends. Most of the time the lonliness doesn't bother me too much, but lately it has. I think part of it is the nights getting longer--for some reason that makes me feel lonely.
I guess I could be busier if I wanted to be. I only work part-time, because I don't like this job well enough for it to be full-time. I have a few hobbies and I like to read. And I watch movies from time to time and take care of the house and errands. I'm not sure I want to be busier, though. I don't really like feeling "crazy busy"--it makes me feel stressed out. The frenetic lifestyle, running around and being overscheduled, is not for me. I like my downtime. I like to get a solid 9 hours of sleep per night and I like to spend hours laying on the couch reading or watching movies. On the other hand, my calendar is completely devoid of any social engagements, and it would be nice to at least have something social to do once a month or so. My phone never rings. I wish I just had one friend here that I could hang out with--that would be really nice but I don't think it's going to happen. Making friends as an adult out of school is hard. People are busy, I understand that, but everyone seems to be too busy to spend time with me. I feel invisible a lot. Invisible to my co-workers, invisible to my neighbors, even invisible to my family. I have tried to cultivate relationships with my cousins but they aren't interested. I don't have any siblings and my parents live on the West Coast so that makes me feel even more isolated.
Lately I've been feeling quite lonely. Hubby has been working long hours and I don't have any friends in the area. I really like everyone I work with but they haven't become friends, unfortunately. I'll get lunch with them once every few months but that's about the extent of it. You know the drill--it's because everyone is always "crazy busy" and doesn't have time to get together--everyone except me, that is. I don't think I've ever been crazy busy. I have plenty of time to get together with people, if only someone was interested.
When we first moved here, two years ago, I tried really hard to make friends. I joined social groups--all sorts of them--and constantly invited people out for lunch or coffee, and DH and I invited couples out for dinner. Rarely, if ever, were any of these invitations returned, and I got tired of always being the initiator, so none of these friendships got off the ground. After about a year of this, I just stopped trying. It was too much effort to try to make friends, and these friends never had time to get together, anyway, because they were too crazy busy. So I haven't really tried to make friends in over a year. And of course, when you don't put any effort into something, you don't get anything back. So I'm friendless here, as is DH, but he doesn't care. He doesn't have time for friends, anyway.
Today DH worked all day and I felt very lonely. I went out and did some sightseeing and went out for lunch but I felt lonely the whole time. I wished I had a gal pal to hang out with.
Back in high school, college and grad school, I had lots of friends--especially in high school. I always had people to do stuff with. But after grad school, moving around to different states (I've moved to four different cities since college in the past 9 years), it makes it harder to make new friends. Most of the time the lonliness doesn't bother me too much, but lately it has. I think part of it is the nights getting longer--for some reason that makes me feel lonely.
I guess I could be busier if I wanted to be. I only work part-time, because I don't like this job well enough for it to be full-time. I have a few hobbies and I like to read. And I watch movies from time to time and take care of the house and errands. I'm not sure I want to be busier, though. I don't really like feeling "crazy busy"--it makes me feel stressed out. The frenetic lifestyle, running around and being overscheduled, is not for me. I like my downtime. I like to get a solid 9 hours of sleep per night and I like to spend hours laying on the couch reading or watching movies. On the other hand, my calendar is completely devoid of any social engagements, and it would be nice to at least have something social to do once a month or so. My phone never rings. I wish I just had one friend here that I could hang out with--that would be really nice but I don't think it's going to happen. Making friends as an adult out of school is hard. People are busy, I understand that, but everyone seems to be too busy to spend time with me. I feel invisible a lot. Invisible to my co-workers, invisible to my neighbors, even invisible to my family. I have tried to cultivate relationships with my cousins but they aren't interested. I don't have any siblings and my parents live on the West Coast so that makes me feel even more isolated.
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Comments
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I don't know how I found your blog, but I could have written it. We're both in the same funk over "no friends." I had lots of friends when I worked, but they were all work friends. Like you, I'm an only child and love my time alone -- always have. I'm a lot older than you. I retired from 30 years at one company when I was almost ready to turn 49. Yes, 49! Retirement was a huge dream of mine, but when it came, it was a total letdown. Talk about feeling worthless.....I missed all the people contacts at work. Not only that, everyone I know lives out of state. Then it was Texas. Now I'm living out in Colorado, and there's nobody in this town who has any time -- like the people you describe. Most of the people my age are still working. I'm too young for the geriatric-set at the Senior Center, and it's hard to grab on to common interests with younger folks. I ski alone, camp alone, shop alone, eat alone. My dogs are a blessing -- two gorgeous, loving little shelties. Then there's my other best friend - the tv. Funny, but when I worked full-time, I read 3 books a week; now I can't seem to find the time to read one chapter a day. I'm glad at least you have a husband -- that's more than I can say, although I'm not interested in finding a lifemate again. Been there, done that. They say church is a good place to meet people, but not in this town -- they fight and argue and gossip just like the rest of the population. Hey, I'm with ya. We're not alone, of that I'm sure. I hope you find a new passion in life to make you happy, and I'm looking for the same --- something to get the brain juices flowing again. You never know what each day will bring, so we have to hang in there. Easier said than done, however.Posted 11-28-2008 at 07:49 PM by FiftyFiftyAboutCO
