Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If the birth parent does not wish contact - after all perhaps that's why she gave the child up, or one reason why, shouldn't the adoptee have some respect for this?
I mean isn't it a two way street?
Somehow I think I know the answer to this.
Sheena, you haven't answered the question I posed upthread -- why should the birth mother have more rights in this than the child? The mother made the choice to have the child and give it away -- the child had no voice in this decision. Why punish the child (and yes, it IS a punishment) for something that s/he was not responsible for?
Sheena, you haven't answered the question I posed upthread -- why should the birth mother have more rights in this than the child? The mother made the choice to have the child and give it away -- the child had no voice in this decision. Why punish the child (and yes, it IS a punishment) for something that s/he was not responsible for?
Dark. I never heard of this anti adoption movement.
I am shocked that people have told me that I don't have the right to have children because of a medical condition. Do you think this about adoptive parents? That they should suck it up and deal with it?
I really hope not because I've always had a huge amount of respect for you.
I am not aware personally of people, of adoptive children; who want to see people - birth parents who don't want to see them, or whose rights were terminated. In the case of the second, there are children who identify with the oppressor and do fantasize that mom will stop drinking, get off drugs, or dad will stop beating them.
These kids need professional help. Not their birth parents. What good could come of this?
Children have some rights, but adults have more. And sometimes, this is not a bad thing. Parents can be transferred and need to move. The kids might not want to do this. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Many involve children. Does this mean that parents should stay together for the sake of the children? Some do. Children do not fare well in either situation, but children of divorce tend to fare better.
Should we go back to the time of shot gun weddings or should all women who become pregnant be forced to abort? I am prochoice, but some women are not.
Some pregnancies are the result of one night at college, a party and too much beer. Does that girl need to raise that baby?
My questions are not rhetorical.
Adoption can be a win win situation.
I don't know why you are unhappy about being adopted, but I believe you. I don't know you well, but I know you well enough not to ask. I am sorry that you are unhappy. Honestly.
Do you have any feeling for children who sit in foreign orphanages with out hope or parents?
How about me? You know quite a bit about me. Should I be sorry that I wanted a daughter and adopted one? Should I seek out this woman when my daughter does not want this? Should I say I'm sorry that I'm more than able to love people who are unrelated to me? Hell I like one of my parents and she died when I was 20. An older woman adopted me - informally in my thirties. I love here more than my "real" parents.
Should I nullify my life and family or permit others to tell me that I have no right to have more than one child and should I put the breaks on adopting these Ukrainian orphans over age 5?
Is this what I should do, because some people only want to adopt healthy white infants and others, such as Madonna want to circumvent the law and a home study and buy an African child?
I am seeing that to the "Antis", I am the same as these people and this hurts me to the bone.
Sheena, the sealing of birth certificates carries on in 44 states, which I find ridiculous and antediluvian. A baby adopted today most states of the Union would have her original birth certificate locked away. A child adopted by a step-parent would have her original birth certificate locked away, which is even sillier! Who does that protect? Again, adoptees as a class are treated differently, and we shouldn't be. State governments should not have the right to put us into the Witness Protection Plan without our consent.
Sheena, the sealing of birth certificates carries on in 44 states, which I find ridiculous and antediluvian. A baby adopted today most states of the Union would have her original birth certificate locked away. A child adopted by a step-parent would have her original birth certificate locked away, which is even sillier! Who does that protect? Again, adoptees as a class are treated differently, and we shouldn't be. State governments should not have the right to put us into the Witness Protection Plan without our consent.
I don't know. Perhaps it's time that this ends.
I am hurt that people think that my daughter should not be my daughter and that children who need homes should be deprived of them.
I'm not that into my family of origin. When I say family, I mean husband and children. I spend holidays with friends.
Blood means nothing to me. But that's me not you. You should know about illnesses and hertage etc.
My daughter in Korean. She knows this.
I would not choose to adupt in the US for a myriad of reasons.
I hope that you all can see your birth certificates and learn about illnesses in your families.
And I wish you all peace and a better life.
More progressive adoption laws would be a good thing.
To say that some people have the right to be parents because they are fertile and others must live childless against their will is preposterous, hurtful and insulting.
You didn't say how old she was, but I am guessing she hasn't hit the teen years yet. I just hope that when the day comes where she wants to explore/has questions about her identity, past, heritage and yes, her name, that you will be open and supportive of her questions and choices. I think I saw in a previous post that you wanted a child with no attachment to the family of origin (the only way to accomplish that would be to have your own biological children).
I think it will be very difficult for you to be open to her wanting to know about her past. She may sense that already depending on her age. Maybe when the day comes, you will think back to this thread.
You guessed wrong. I'm Sheena12's husband. She is 161/2 and a Junior in HS.
Not interested in her heritage at all and we won't force her to be.
Since she came here at 4 months, she does not remember any past or Korea. not to hurt your feelings but she doesn't want to go there and has no interest in any blood relatives.
Yes we wanted no contact.
Not true that there is contact in our future. We have none planned.
We are all vegetarians and Korea really turns off my daughter because the hates the way dogs are treated there. She took her to a Korean dance group and bought her matching Korean outfits hanoks.
But my daughter rebelled at age 12 when my wife wanted to send her to culture camp.
My wife took Korean with her but she didn't like it. She has an Asian adopted friend who feel the same about China and it's treatment of Animals. They met at regular camp.
My wife is the best mother on earth and tried all of that forced culture with her and she didn't take to it.
Everyone is different though. I believe that you are interested in Korea and you family of origin.
But don't try to tell me what my daughter wants needs or likes.
People who can't have their own children can make great parents.
Dark. I never heard of this anti adoption movement.
I am shocked that people have told me that I don't have the right to have children because of a medical condition. Do you think this about adoptive parents? That they should suck it up and deal with it?
I really hope not because I've always had a huge amount of respect for you.
I never said I was anti-adoption. I asked only why the birth mother should have more rights than the child she gave away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12
Children have some rights, but adults have more.
I'm 55 years old and my birth parents are long deceased. Yet I still do not have the right to my own birth certificate, because I was born in a state that seals those records. When do I get MY rights as an adult?
I am not aware personally of people, of adoptive children; who want to see people -
My birth father had 12 siblings, none of whom I even knew about until I re-connected with my birth siblings in my early 20's, as well as numerous cousins. They were denied contact with me -- weren't even told where I had been taken. While my siblings were able to visit with them and establish relationships that still exist, I was raised as an only child by adoptive parents who were, themselves, only children.
Through no fault of my own, I lost my entire extended family. Was that fair?
Again, I've NEVER said that I'm anti-adoption -- so don't label me thusly. However, that pain that you feel at not having a complete family? Multiply it 20-fold and you'll get a close approximation of how *I* feel.
Dark. I never heard of this anti adoption movement.
I am shocked that people have told me that I don't have the right to have children because of a medical condition. Do you think this about adoptive parents? That they should suck it up and deal with it?
I really hope not because I've always had a huge amount of respect for you.
I am not aware personally of people, of adoptive children; who want to see people - birth parents who don't want to see them, or whose rights were terminated. In the case of the second, there are children who identify with the oppressor and do fantasize that mom will stop drinking, get off drugs, or dad will stop beating them.
These kids need professional help. Not their birth parents. What good could come of this?
Children have some rights, but adults have more. And sometimes, this is not a bad thing. Parents can be transferred and need to move. The kids might not want to do this. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Many involve children. Does this mean that parents should stay together for the sake of the children? Some do. Children do not fare well in either situation, but children of divorce tend to fare better.
Should we go back to the time of shot gun weddings or should all women who become pregnant be forced to abort? I am prochoice, but some women are not.
Some pregnancies are the result of one night at college, a party and too much beer. Does that girl need to raise that baby?
My questions are not rhetorical.
Adoption can be a win win situation.
I don't know why you are unhappy about being adopted, but I believe you. I don't know you well, but I know you well enough not to ask. I am sorry that you are unhappy. Honestly.
Do you have any feeling for children who sit in foreign orphanages with out hope or parents?
How about me? You know quite a bit about me. Should I be sorry that I wanted a daughter and adopted one? Should I seek out this woman when my daughter does not want this? Should I say I'm sorry that I'm more than able to love people who are unrelated to me? Hell I like one of my parents and she died when I was 20. An older woman adopted me - informally in my thirties. I love here more than my "real" parents.
Should I nullify my life and family or permit others to tell me that I have no right to have more than one child and should I put the breaks on adopting these Ukrainian orphans over age 5?
Is this what I should do, because some people only want to adopt healthy white infants and others, such as Madonna want to circumvent the law and a home study and buy an African child?
I am seeing that to the "Antis", I am the same as these people and this hurts me to the bone.
Don't listen to the people who tell you you can't. They are expressing their own fears and ignorance. They don't believe in you because they don't believe in themselves. You know you can and you have and that's all that matters.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
