Nine year old Tennesee Girl taken from parents and delivered in the care of ex-con bio-father (stories, biological)
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No one has argued that the father has been an ideal parent. Yet it seems he is doing his best to get his life together. He has a home. He has a job. He is ensuring his child goes to school and does her school work. For the last five months he has been parenting, and it seems he has been parenting well.
Most parents make mistakes, big or small. I've apologized to my children for my small ones. I remember my dad explaining his bigger ones to us when we were kids and warning us to learn from his mistakes and make better choices. We did.
In this country, we don't take children away from their parents without a good reason. We've determined as a society that jail time is not generally a good enough reason to terminate parental rights, without other factors also present. Generally, when a parent goes to jail the child is placed with other members of their biological family, if at all possible. That did not happen in this case (because by then the adoptive parents were already fighting to keep a child who wasn't theirs), and that is a tragedy.
There were many points along the way where a different decision could have avoided so much pain. That child was failed by everyone - her nanny, her father, her adoptive parents, the court system, and DCS. Now her father has a chance to give her a stable life. Let's give him the chance.
Yes, and maybe someday he can apologize to her for ending up in prison for most of her young years and modeling how not to be a parent. Perhaps an explanation of what a felony means in the criminal justice system and exactly how many he was convicted of while he was "sowing his wild oats" would be a good idea as well. Than, of course he could explain why having firearms around may not be a good idea either.
Let's leave the "I know he's not the father of the year" cliches out of this. The truth is that an ordinary person would really have to stretch to imagine this clown as anything more than a phantasm of a parent. The truth is the only way this outcome can be justified is to accept the notion that when it comes to parenthood biology is gold standard and virtually nothing else counts.
Yes, I judge him and with good reason for doing so.
Are you there? Do you see their interactions? How would you absolutely know that for sure? You don't, you can't, and you're making assumptions.
The truth is parents aren't perfect, kids aren't perfect, families aren't perfect - none of them, anytime anywhere. Human people have foibles, problems and issues. Every single one of us. The truth is a lot of us have something up with us that in theory, makes us unfit to parent in the eyes of someone somewhere. And there are sermingly perfect parents in theory who in reality have no business parenting, you'd just never know it by looking.
There are systems in place that are supposed to weed out one from the other that don't work with any sort of consistency or efficiency as it is. For one person to judge another and decide, that one person is better than another at parenting their own child, is scary to most parents - as it should be.
Martha Stewart broke the law and went to jail. Is it a stretch to imagine her as a good parent?
She went to jail after her children were grown. Her sentence was less than a year. Just sayin'.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aggiebuttercup
I think you are making a huge assumption that the father's home would not pass a home study. Where are the facts to back that up?
This is a recent article from a Nebraska newspaper: click here
According to the article, "Sonya is still in the custody of the Tennessee Department of Children's Services. Department spokesman Rob Johnson said Sonya's placement with John McCaul is the equivalent of a trial home visit." So I would assume that the Tennessee DCS has evaluated McCaul's home and is continuing to monitor the situation.
The article also quotes the child's attorney - she has one who is separate from her father and the adoptive parents. According to the article, Sonya's attorney (Hilary Duke) says, "Sonya is doing well. Duke blamed foster parents David and Kimberly Hodgin for blocking the state's earlier attempts to place Sonya with relatives.
Duke also claimed the Hodgins have endangered Sonya by making the custody case public. And she said that even if Sonya were to come back to Tennessee, she would not be placed back in the Hodgins' home."
Duke further stated that "the Hodgins might be allowed visitation with Sonya if they would cooperate with the process."
So the court-appointed attorney who is supposed to advocate for the child's best interests doesn't think the Hodgins family is acting in Sonya's best interests. And DCS still has legal custody, so if McCaul's home didn't meet their standards, they'd take action.
Aggie, trust us adoptive parents on this one. He would NOT pass a traditional home study. He doesn't have to go through one. But, it's telling that his custody of her is seen as a "trial home visit." So, thanks for the updated story. If DCS hasn't given him custody of her yet, then he may not ever receive it again. I can see what's going on now. I think the judge made the right decision here. Why move her so soon just so loser dad can file another claim? They're waiting him out, doing what should have been done in the first place. Exhaust all possibilities!
I might eat my words on this later, but I now highly doubt he'll get custody. I thought he already had it.
Now, onto the court-appointed guardian Hilary Duke - she's not an attorney - she should watch what she tells the press. She is not in charge here. Not by a long shot. The judge didn't even consider her request for a restraining order against the Hodgins's. She sounds a little off to me BTW. She's definitely in favor of "biology." It just reeks in her comments. And, she has a pre-existing opinion about the adoptive parents, not good. I suspect she'll be replaced or asked to keep quiet soon. Remember, the state's, ergo the judge's goal, is most often reunification. So, Duke's views here aren't surprising.
But to assume the DCS in TN evaluated his home is to assume wrong. His home would have had to be clean and "smoke-free" prior to her going home with him. So, her phone call, although months old now, just exposed DCS for not doing their due diligence. That's why they still have custody of Sonya. Makes more sense now.
My guess is DCS in TN is covering their butts for how fouled up this whole situation is. Now, the one person who will truly suffer is Sonya.
PS: I don't believe she's doing all that "well" and "thriving." I think she's making the most out of her situation...what else can she do?
I found a copy online of the appellate court orders from 2009 reversing the adoption. It shows a lot more background. Sounds like the Hodgins family was working the legal system from the very beginning, calling DCS on the babysitter's mother so that they could get custody.
DCS actually tried to dismiss their motion to terminate his parental rights in 2007 but were turned down. His sentence had already been reduced by that time, but apparently the lawyers arguing to terminate his rights did not know that. They were focused on the sentence only as it related to him not visiting her, thus abandoning, not intending to use the 10+-year sentence argument.
Why does everyone seem to love this guy so much? Would any of you want him as your next door neighbor? Any of you willing to let your kids sleep over his house?
Or is it just that all of you hate the idea of adoption and seem to through a party every time one is disrupted?
I think the CASA is more than biased and should shut her mouth. She is not a judge. It's a volunteer position, and it isn't unusual for special advocates (CASAs) or Guardian As liti, to come from a pro-bio family background.
I'm sure that Tonya is just biding her time and waiting to be returned to her family.
This article quotes the paternal grandmother and talks about the relatives she had adopted. It sounds as if most of them are doing well, and that the grandmother, at least, has a good sense of how to raise a troubled child in a new environment.
Sonya was failed all around. I don't see any signs that her father is failing her now that he is in charge.
Her name isn't Tonya, it's Sonya. I've found articles online indicating that the Hodgins did not go through regular channels in their desire to keep Sonya, but that they had connections to both the social worker and the original judge in TN. There are also stories with allegations that they have an older, estranged daughter. The entire situation reeks of selfishness on the part of the Hodgins family. They refused to allow Sonya to take any of her belongings with her, and refused to follow court requests to gradually introduce her to her biological family.
Nobody has claimed that the bio father is a pillar of his community. And, it doesn't matter. He has not demonstrated he is unfit to father HIS child.
Stories like this make me an advocate for only open adoption unless there is abuse involved.
Why does everyone seem to love this guy so much? Would any of you want him as your next door neighbor? Any of you willing to let your kids sleep over his house?
Why so derogatory and personal just because people have a difference of opinion? It's about the law and what's right.
Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee
Or is it just that all of you hate the idea of adoption and seem to through a party every time one is disrupted?
That's right, you caught us all, we all "hate adoption".
Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee
I think the CASA is more than biased and should shut her mouth. She is not a judge. It's a volunteer position, and it isn't unusual for special advocates (CASAs) or Guardian As liti, to come from a pro-bio family background.
"Pro-bio", really?
Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee
I'm sure that Tonya is just biding her time and waiting to be returned to her family.
Her name is SONYA.
Last edited by Jaded; 05-21-2014 at 06:43 PM..
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